you've all been right for so long. i've been so stupid to keep holding on. i'm an idiot, a big fat moron.
yeah - i'm feeling really really down.
today is my birthday. he took off friday. went away for the weekend. came back with a flower to plant in the front yard, a tshirt and card he bought on the way home (spent less on that than he did going out friday- i know the thought is supposed to count, but....) today a text, but that was it. came home over 3 hours later (he was at work, just not working - hanging out with brother & friend (i drove past on way to get milk). came home & didn't say anything.
even a roommate would do more for their roommate's birthday. hell, even my XH's family wished me happy bday. i got texts & facebook messages all day.
i'm so hurt, so disappointed, so angry and frustrated and a million other dark, sad, miserable, worthless thoughts (i know i'm not worthless, just the feeling). the lack of respect, appreciation....anything. lack of love - you don't treat someone you love like this, you celebrate their arrival in the world, you make them feel like the center of your universe. you make them aware how much you appreciate the fact that they were born and they are apart of your life. you don't make other plans, buy something as an afterthought, blow them off.....
the notice i gave him almost 30 days ago was verbal and if he doesn't leave, i have to get a written - i have a call into a lawyer and i talked to a police officer. i deleted him and his family from facebook. i also deleted their numbers from my phone. i wish there was a live chat feature here
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
saturday went to lunch with my mom and HIS mom - which wasn't bad. my mom gave me a gift card & scrapbook paper
dad came over sunday and gave me a couple things.
tons of facebook messages (but that is due much to the fact that facebook reminds your friends when it's your bday). got some texts. no party, nothing planned. felt awful. i've always gone out of my way to make people special in my life, feel outstanding on their bday. got mom surprise flamingos in her yard, flower delivery. got dad unique collectible he hasn't seen in years. planned surprise party for (x)bf. i've planned parties, gone for broke, baked, ordered, surprised, driven for 2+hours for a special gift.....the list could go on. it's not that i expect everyone to be like that, or even all of the time. maybe i'm just being selfish, who knows. i don't know what to think. i just thought that if he cared at all that he would have done or said SOMETHING...anything.
found out, at least where i live, have to give him written 3 day notice. if he's not out, then i file with courts ($150), 3 weeks hearing and then they will give him 7 days to get out. i can't change locks, i can't put possessions outside - if i want to do things the legal, proper way.
i never thought i could be so let down by 1 person, especially after what i went through with XH
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
You keep saying "if he cared"... he has proven to you over and over that he does not. Maybe he is not capable of it... either way, is this how you want to be treated the rest of your life?
So.... (you know this question is coming) Did you give him 3 day written notice, does the count down start today? If so, maybe he will do the right thing and be gone by the weekend...
you're in my prayers.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I came back to edit, but it's too late. I should not have said he does not care... What I should do is ask you... TMW do his actions say "I care" to you?
You are really the only one who can answer that question, none of us know you or him.
Let me ask you again... don't answer quickly... take some time and really think about it:
DO HIS ACTIONS SAY "I CARE"?
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
no, his actions have shown not only that he doesn't care, he doesn't love me, he doesn't give a damn.
i no longer care if he is experiencing some sort of depression or some incapcity to show emotion or anything else.
i know he has shown this time and time and time again - but the way he acted over the weekend & yesterday for my bday, that is what completely set me over the edge.
the 3 day notice is posted. today does't count. if he doesn't leave, then friday i'll be at the court house filing the eviction and getting a hearing date within 3 weeks.
i want him out, i want him gone. i want to cut all contact to him. i do not want to be friends or anything else. i'm finally done. 100%. and i know the care that i feel for him will fade with time, especially after he moves out.
and i know it's fading because last night, i could have looked at his cell phone (he slept on couch and it was on coffee table) - but i didn't have the desire to. when he left tonight, i know one of 3 or 4 places he is - i have no desire to call, to follow, to track him down. i just can't and won't do any of it anymore. no more talking, writing to him, etc.
tonight my mom, trying to helpful, said maybe he and i just need a good shouting match to get it all out. i told her, i'm too hoarse to shout (figuratively) and i'm sick of being a broken record.
*hope all is well with you nnp
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
tmw, I have to share this one thing. I almost forgot about it all, so long ago. I was with a predator for two years. On my birthday I kept waiting for a big surprise. Guess what, it did not happen. Stay strong and get out. Wonder
You have reached a state of "Indifference" with him. It means that you have finally gone numb. He has sucked the life right out of you. Like you, I do as much as I can for many many people. I do not always get the same back. And sometimes it hurts. A LOT! But it comes down to expectations. Sometimes I get it - sometimes I don't. But repeated disappointment leads to a total lack of hope. With him - all hope is gone.
I can't begin to understand anyone who would not leave when told to leave. It is YOUR home, not his - he was just there out of convenience to him. But what kind of man would actually have to be evicted when the R is over??? Well - I think you know.
Finally you will be free to figure out what TMW really wants, really needs in a new R. Don't settle. Don't sell yourself short. Set your goals high. Much much higher this time.
Take it from us old broads there are men out there who will love you and treat you like deserve! I promise you that! I knew when my ex started to change, he went from making my birthday, mothers day ect, special to not really giving a hoot, and its not about the gifts, its about them wanting to make you feel special on a special day, heck a good guy will make you feel special pretty much every day
You can do this , your young and have tons going for you Please believe in yourself!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
