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Originally Posted By: robx
Don't get me wrong,
I felt like you did in the beginning,
I think we all go through that,
that is fear of loss, that is crisis, "what if...",
it's ok to feel what you're feeling - heck those feelings are your's, you own them, but you need to realize why you feel this way. You're afraid of something that hasn't happened yet, in essence, you're afraid of what tomorrow may bring and my advice would be to turn that into your 180, look forward to what tomorrow may bring, you may be surprised at the good things that may come your way still.

Every day is a chance to do better than the previous,
even if it's only in a small way, over time, even the tiniest of changes add up to something significant in size.

You focus on having a great day today and an awesome weekend


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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Great post to read from Britt54:

Britt54


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Originally Posted By: Bworl
Move forward with a meaningful life on your own.

Any man who would leave his wife alone at an appointment where she might be finding out she has cancer...well...this is no kind of man.

There are NO excuses for him. If anyone tells you there are, they are wrong.

Marriage is not to be a ball and chain. It is not to be an albatross around your neck that drags you to the bottom of the deepest ocean.

You do not have to divorce to be apart from this man and reclaim your life. Fact is, putting the focus on "divorce" or "not divorce" should not really be the point right now.

You need to LIVE.

You need to get out from under the oppression.

Your husband is a three time loser. And I agree that him signing away the rights to a child is a CLEAR sign of his character and nature.


I do believe that people can change. But this man would almost have to re-invent himself just to be classified human.


Get away. Get far away. And tell him why. We should take our steps with confidence and integrity. Don't run without a word. Tell him why. Let him know the many pains he has brought, the way he has emptied your soul and sucked the life out of you. Tell him that you cannot live like you are dead any longer.


You've been alone for 16 years. You may find that by leaving you will become LESS lonely.


Blessings,

Bill


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Originally Posted By: OldPilot
Welcome to this board.

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
This is my new and improved list of links.

I would start with the detach link.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

The link for the resources:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1539436

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1


Doormat tactics
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...444#Post1942444

Standing vs leaving
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1

Why they run:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=67406&page=1

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...6668#Post526668

Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.

I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources.
You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.

Remember that in the stages of MLC it does NOT go 1,2,3,4,5,6
but can get all mixed up and repeat itself and have more than one stage at once.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!

As far as what stage he is in. If the OW is still present he is in Replay.

But lets not worry about him. Lets work on you!
Start your homework assignments.
GAL.
Detach.
Use the time that your H has given you as a gift to
start to work on yourself.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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Dear all

I have been returning to read your words/posts daily, and they are giving me such courage, inspiration and comfort. My H separated from me in March 2010 having signaled his intention to do so last September 2009 - the day before his 51st birthday. Unfortunately I didn't discover Michele's book (or this site) until after he had left. I am committed to trying to build a friendship with him and applying all the wisdom that others have gained - and are generously sharing - when dealing with MLC.

Yesterday was a good night as he returned to spend an evening meal with myself and two of the children (S14 S16). The alien didn't appear for a couple of hours and I think I handled it okay - remaining calm and not retaliating. Even when he went to the front door, I didn't follow, just called out a cheery goodbye from the kitchen. A first for me.

This is the first time I've written a post, but just wanted to introduce myself and say an enormous thank you to all of you who have become such an important part of my life. The gift you give by sharing your experiences is the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Thank you.
_________________________________
Me 51
H 51
S 20
S 16
S 14
M 25 yrs
Bomb dropped Sept 2009
Separated March 2010

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Originally Posted By: Greek
Originally Posted By: confoundedhubby
And if she says go back to the past? Remember, she feels as though I have had multiple emotional affairs! I haven't, but did not use good judgment nor was as respectful of her boundaries as I darn well should have been! Sorry, not sugarcoating my role in all this mess!


Confounded to W: "I'm as frustrated about our past as you are and I know how you feel. Neither one of us can change the past, and I am focused on a better future. Please tell me how I can show you going forward that I am a faithful husband with integrity."
Greek


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Originally Posted By: futureunknown
If it helps anyone out there, my W literally told me that it was when I really pulled away from her, and she had to face the prospect of life without me, that she really turned around.

The same story over and over again with WAW's.


M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married
4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Originally Posted By: may2010
radar is up, watching closely, frankly still in shock over this whole thing, I never saw it coming ...not like this anyway.
None of us did. frown But it's how you DEAL with it that will define your character.

Puppy


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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
AP10,

Never ask a wayward spouse to make contact with their affair partner for the purpose of telling them that they can no longer have contact with their affair partner.

Nor, should you ever ACCEPT them wanting to talk to them "one last time," for "closure."

Instead, have him write a no-contact letter, the content of which is to be approved by YOU, and the letter should be mailed/delivered by you (so that nothing is added or taken away from it), followed by a thorough TRANSPARENCY PLAN (new cellphone and e-mail addresses, login/passwords provided to you, cellphone kept out in the open, etc.).

Your firm stand is good, but don't ask HIM to go deliver it to her. Have it be in the form of a letter (there are some good examples in Harley's books or on the marriage builders website).

Puppy


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