Gardener, just the kind of update I like to read from you . Loving the "getting-out-of-your-shell" 180s...well on your way to Gnosis' 4Cs. Tut, tut, I don't get to tease you about being an Italian widow any more .
Couples things suck Gardener. It is there a singles scene for mature folks like us? We should find out. And why don't you take social dancing classes? Am I remembering that you've done that before? Usually you don't have to bring a partner.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
yes, I think it's a sign of another corner turned when one begins to realize that we don't necessarily miss the person, we miss the activity or the feelings or the role or the interaction.
Yeah, I diddn't think of it as a corner turned or a milestone or anything. I just felt it. A whole different feeling.
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
gotta love a woman drummer!
That's what i thought! And a Blues drummer, to boot!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Gardener, I'm with you. I don't miss the times with STBXW -- all the really good ones were so long ago that it's hard to remember -- I miss the times of going out with someone and having a really good time.
When you find someone it's going to be soooo much better than it was before.
I know that. Patience is hard though.
Keep on going.
You're right. Thanks. Just happy getting out and (having the courage to be) making some connections, some interaction (180) for me.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Gardener, just the kind of update I like to read from you . Loving the "getting-out-of-your-shell" 180s...well on your way to Gnosis' 4Cs. Tut, tut, I don't get to tease you about being an Italian widow any more .
Yeah. Off with the black armband.
Originally Posted By: flowmom
Couples things suck Gardener. It is there a singles scene for mature folks like us? We should find out. And why don't you take social dancing classes? Am I remembering that you've done that before? Usually you don't have to bring a partner.
I've signed up for Swing classes. X & I took a lot of them.I'm good at Swing.
Last edited by Gardener; 05/17/1006:35 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
yes, I think it's a sign of another corner turned when one begins to realize that we don't necessarily miss the person, we miss the activity or the feelings or the role or the interaction.
Yeah, I diddn't think of it as a corner turned or a milestone or anything. I just felt it. A whole different feeling.
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
gotta love a woman drummer!
That's what i thought! And a Blues drummer, to boot!
I think it is a sort of milestone--a sort of new level of healing when you realize that, when you can separate the person from the rest of it. detachment, differentiation, whatever you'd like to term it--and at a level that allows you to perhaps see yourself loving again, enjoying life again, being part of a couple again, in a way that allows you bring along what you've learned to make it a deeper, richer experience (as opposed to being angry, bitter, and desperate for the rest of one's life!) I'm glad you "felt" it--far more important than "thinking" it!
excellent that you continue to step outside your "comfort zone." it's part of developing a new identity, one that's fully you where you are now with all the wisdom and growth that involves.
I'm sure that inner "little gardener guy" is impressed as h*ll with how well you're taking care of him!!--and bringing him out to play, too! how cool is that?!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Renter's moved in. Nice, unassuming guy so far. X came to sign the Month-to-Month Lease this evening but "had to go" before we could get it done.(??)
Brought her ever-present "teacup" dog with her, as always. How unattractive - and matronly - that looks (apologies to any of you with ever-present "teacup" dogs; but you're not my X )
She said she agreed with me on not lowering house price, so that's good. Did, mention, however thinking about taking it off the market for a while if it doesn't sell by February. February? Why February? Just arbitrary, says she.
Immediately made me suspicious. She was - and still is - so p!ssed that last June I told her she could move back into house in December and I'd leave (weak, emotional moment) and then I had the temerity to change my mind!
Suspicious because of our divorce decree of 2/09. Since we went through mediation and my personal L (mostly) just ok'd document with changes,(iow, I wasn't paying him exorbitant $ for lots of advice), I've been suspicious as to how/why a clause got in there that if it doesn't sell by 5/1/11 (I know, a whole year away), she gets to reoccupy and I leave. I figured at the time, who cares? It's got to sell by then (15 months).
Still, always wondered why she got that put in there...
She was very pleasant. I didn't care. I was perfunctorily polite and agreeable. Glad when she left.
IC meeting tonight, beforehand. IC - who slightly knows of X (long story) - remains convinced that her abusive father's sudden death in 4/08 set off all sorts of unresolved conflicts culminating in unexplained Bomb in 11/08.
She thinks X is a mess (not her clinical term for it ), confused, f'd up, conflicted, demonizing the hell out of me out of necessity and probably very remorseful. I agree with most of that but see no evidence of the remorse. Nor do I care to. Nor would it change me now.
IC also thinks X was having an affair at time of bomb (long story/rationale as to why she believes this so strongly, so I'm not going to get into it) and also "strongly suspects" MC fostered some kind of "inappropriate relationship" with her.
Too late, anyway. I'd never want to reconcile now. I was a damned good H, partner, lover, friend, companion. Devoted and selfless. She tossed me and jerked me around for months.
Fool me once...
Official complaint(s) against MC for multiple ethics & standards violations is submitted and gone. My first IC, current IC and the two National Organization officials I dealt with are unanimously appalled at his behavior, actions, incompetence.
So, that ball is rolling. We'll see. Just glad I documented it and made it known.
I'm doing okay. Trying to stress less over absolutely enormous $ mess and day-by-day/month-by-month impossibility.
Renter will help that nut, though and give me a little breathing room, so that's good.
Thanks for being there, all.
Last edited by Gardener; 05/18/1002:41 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
. Loving the "getting-out-of-your-shell" 180s...well on your way to Gnosis' 4Cs. Tut, tut, I don't get to tease you about being an Italian widow any more 
.
), confused, f'd up, conflicted, demonizing the hell out of me out of necessity and probably very remorseful. I agree with most of that but see no evidence of the remorse. Nor do I care to. Nor would it change me now.