And Gardener, I wish you would drop the proceedings. For you. That's in the past.
For whatever reason, your W was looking for a way out of your M and chose to use the MC to facilitate that. IMO your W bears full responsibility for her choice and you should hold her fully accountable. I get frustrated that there haven't been more advocates for our M, but I remind myself that H DIDN'T seek out people who would support our M or help him to reconnect with me and get his needs met. The choice to seek out people who are going to rip apart a M is a deliberate one.
I don't know if you read my post about my sister and her H going to my former IC for MC. When the MC showed that he was obviously biased against her H, even though she was desperate for validation and for the C to take her side, she stood up for her H was appalled by his behaviour. Not saying it was an equivalent situation, but I'm just trying to contrast what it looks like when there are M problems but the W is committed to working out the problems and is NOT going to let anyone get in the middle of that, including a C.
This is a good time for you to focus on the present Gardener. How can you seek pleasure today? What can you do today that will improve your quality of life? I'm sorry, I just don't see how processing that past betrayal helps you right now. This terrible MC stuff is about the story of Gardener being a victim. I want better for you Gardner! You were badly treated, but now is the time to reinforce your self-perception and calm, cool, collected, and confident man (Gnosis' 4 Cs).
hugs to you.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
fm, thank you for all that. In addition to doing the other things you suggest, calm, cool, collected, confident Gardener will hold trusted, deceitful "professional" MC accountable for unethical, behavior which has been acknowledged to me as such by three of his organization's leaders. I'm not on a vendetta: I don't want revenge. I want these issues reviewed and evaluated/validated by peer professionals. What X did, needed to do, no longer concerns or upsets me. But others may needlessly be hurt by this charlatan to whom they turn to for help. That should be prevented.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I helped winter-gig buddy today by taking half his route as he (FedEx driver) was slammed by Mothers' Day flowers and gifts volume. Stopped by office of upscale apartment/condo association to drop off deliveries for not-at-home recipients. "No flowers for me?" says attractive office manager who proceeded to search on-line for my next stop which I couldn't find at all. Took quite some time and was very nice about it.
I then successfully found the place, stopped by a gas station and bought her a single rose, went back, thanked her and said, "Yes, a flower for you today." She was touched, thanked me, asked me my name, chatted and I left. Old Gardener would never (have the nerve to) do something like that. Felt good. And refreshingly un-me.
Went to local pub for dinner. Three lady friends sitting next to me chatting the whole time. One really caught my eye. My age. She left for Ladies Rooms as I was about to leave. I stopped her, introduced myself and asked for a word for a moment. "About what?" says she, skeptically/suspiciously. I said I was divorced and not "out there" yet, don't even know how to get "out there." No agenda, but as I was eating and overhearing you all chat, you caught my eye - and ear. I try to get out of my comfort zone at least once a day so I thought I'd tell you that the whole time I found you captivating...and, frankly, "gorgeous." "Why thank you," says she, and - get this - gives me her number and invites me to call if I'd like. Who is this new Gardener? Not sure, but he's feeling pretty damn good lately.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Oh I am tickled! That sounds so great Gardener...you are so making efforts to get out there!
The compliments are great! Had someone said that to me, I would have been flattered beyond belief, so I think it is exceptional that you are making the first strides towards meeting new people!
Give her a call...coffee meet?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Gardener! I finally found your thread - hey nice going yesterday! Way to break out of your shell! Just really wanted to say hi and see how you're doing (although I can see, sounds like you're doing pretty great!). Have you looked at any more guitars lately? Cheers from PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
"Who is this new Gardener? Not sure, but he's feeling pretty damn good lately."
Gardener,
You did two -- not one, but two -- things to me as I was reading your post. First, you brought a tear to my eye, when you brought that one lady a single rose back. (a joyful tear). Second, when you complimented the second lady and she GAVE YOU HER phone number. Wow wee! Ain't you DA man?!!!
I was just about to rush over to the other universe and give you my phone number.
Women LOVE confidence . Even someone who isn`t interested will feel flattered and tickled by a confident but respectful approach.
WOOO HOOO!
PS - excellent that you`re not donning black for the next year
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Ditto! Really nice- I'm so glad to see you enjoying yourself and people are responding! I was wondering tho- is this really a "new" Gardener, or are you just uncovering a Gardener that you had forgotten about? He may have been in there the whole time... But regardless- Keep it going!
"Why thank you," says she, and - get this - gives me her number and invites me to call if I'd like.
Oldest trick in the book. But a first time for Gardener. The phone number doesn't exist. A little disappointed, but that's okay. I got up the nerve to get out of my shell - and that's all I wanted to - and I did. It was a nice, honest short chat. But, hey, I don't blame her: axe-murderers are capable of nice, honest short chats . Spent Mothers' Day getting ready for next weekend's yard sale/tag/sale/garage sale (depending upon what part of the country you're from).
I hope all my dear DB Mom friends had as wonderful as possible Mothers' Day
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
... Kinda like us.... 
.