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Get the AC squared away in the next 6 weeks one way or another. These old ties aren't good for anyone.

And, you sound good :-)


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You sound very good Donna. Most of that post is about the effect your xh's actions possibly have on your kids. That's the way it should be! Not how it hurts you, dredges up old pain. KWIM?

Such fun to go into the city! I really need to get back up to NYC sometime soon. I want to take Marc up there an let him experience the sheer enormity of the city. I can just imagine the awe in his eyes. Atlanta is BIG but NYC is AWE INSPIRING!

Enjoy your gardening! I've just discovered that I really enjoy doing that.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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I had a friend who visited NYC once. He parked his car, got out, and a guy pulled a knife on him and demanded his money. My friend complied with the demand and then the knife wielder slapped him across the face and said "what are you, an idiot, driving around down here with Ontario license plates" Ahh, the memories...good time had by none in that sitch!


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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I am so sorry, wii..

But I cannot stop laughing. I'm horrified, feel for your friend and the trauma it caused but who would think an immoral dangerous person would give anti-theft advice.

It's almost like a skit from Saturday Night Live.

*hugs*

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OMG! Funny, but not funny all at the same time!


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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Well, I am glad that the lazies got the better of me and I didn't follow up on plans to go into NYC again yesterday - SO glad that no one got hurt.

Instead, I laid around the house, watching superhero movies. Big accomplishments this weekend? Cleaning out the kitchen sink and taking a nice, long shower. Really. Maybe I'll get to other things this afternoon, but it doesn't look likely - have to pick up the kids at 7:30 (I gave up fighting about the driving).

I'm sitting here, wondering why I wasted two whole days. I mean, the weather is BEAUTIFUL.

*******

OK, that was yesterday - but I'm not feeling guilty for taking the down-time, since I got a ton done today. Even though it is HOT!!!

Speaking of which:

Temps soared yesterday and today. The house was just gross to sleep in. Emailed ex again about following through on the damn thing. After some back-and-forth, I finally just called him. I hated to ask, but got him to stop by tonight to look at the damn thing.
Results -
Felt physically gross after having to talk to him at that length (WHEN is that going to go away?!)
Had to squash some low-level, primeval flashes of missing being married (damn brain keeps going back to the 20+ years it was good, skipping over the shitty part yet again - at least I am aware of it now and can stomp it out before it gets out of hand).

He stopped over and messed around in the attic for a while. He has shaven his mustache - I haven't seen him clean-shaven since we were 17! Weird - but he also had a raging cold sore...
He can't figure out what is wrong - said it looked like there "wasn't enough wires." He got the model number and will look for the manual online. The unit is now 5 years old, and has outdated technology.

He called me outside for a quick talk. Said S14 told him I had "wiped out his savings account." I reminded ex that there was always only a few hundred dollars in there, anyway, and I consistently put money away through a program at work (not sure why I felt I needed to share that info - didn't get any idea of what/if he was saving for the kids). He just said it didn't seem right....I told him not to worry about it.

Then he said I should be more careful with what I post on facebook. Like what, I asked? He told me a friend of his (who must also be on my list, because I have the settings pretty tight) had mentioned to him how I "liked" a page that said:
"Seeing your ex with his girlfriend, and realizing he downgraded." Said that our son is on my list, and I should be more careful with what I post...said I told him that I had moved on, and that this is part of it.

Um, SHUT THE F#CK UP! Ok, that's what I said on the inside wink I just gave him a blank stare back.
Guess the truth hurts.

Anyway, went to facebook and deleted the people I suspect might do this, posted a request to anyone else who feels it necessary to go behind my back with concerns to just unfriend me now and save us all a headache.

Petty sh!t.
Just fix the damn air and get out of my life, please.

OK, vent over.

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Donna, don't you just love when the person who had an A and then walked out of your marriage tells you that something you're doing just doesn't "seem right"! grin


Divorced February 27, 2012.

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yeah I got a chuckle out of that too smile


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Donna,

Good to hear you sound well, if sweaty and gross.

Now,while I understand wanting to shoot the messenger, don't overlook the value in the message.

XH has a point about DS's bank account... But, he really has no business butting in. Creep. How about: "Thanks for sharing that he brought that concern to you. That will be something for DS and me to work out. Next time, it would be great if you could send DS to me to share his concerns directly. It's probably better if we try to stay out of each other's parent-child relationships." Then, work it out with DS.

As for the FaceBook stuff, I fear XH may have a point too...

Look, would you tell your son directly that his father downgraded? Would you tell that to a friend with DS present? Well, yes, because that is exactly what you've done on FaceBook. Maybe not so great for DS. Indeed, he may be the "friend" that brought it to the attention of DH. I'd even put my money on DS being pissed off and lashing out at DH with that quote, maybe within earshot of GF, which is perhaps what got DH worked up. (See, I tell major backstories with the best of them.)

But, whatever, it doesn't matter. If DS is part of your Facebook community, then you need to make that community safe for him. End of story. I don't use FB, but aren't there different levels of stuff, different ways of setting access so that someone doesn't even know they aren't seeing all of the content? Maybe it would be good to put in some limits on his access in any case.

IF your regular FB page is the same FB page that you share with some friends from these here parts, you are involved in some very adult communities dealing with very adult subjects. (Though, maybe you have a separate page for that?) It is a little too much too soon for DS to be introduced into those communities by following links from your page. Moreover, DS could easily find his way over to this board and to your posts... So, perhaps parental controls are in order.

Still, I surely understand the Get the F Out of MY Life sentiment. So, how to respond to XH on the facebook thing?

First, it is worth noting that it sounds like you REACTED to XH as if HE had a problem with you calling his GF a downgrade. And, FWIW, he probably did. BUT, the concern he expressed was for DS seeing that message. That is a valid concern. Your reaction was about old stuff, not about the concern for DS.

"That's a valid concern, thanks for raising it. I'll decide how I want to address it."

Really, both these issues are probably things that DS went to DH with, and for sure one of them is. Do you really want DH to stop sharing this info with you? Or, do you want to try to co-parent at a level on which you can at least share this kind of information and concern?

I certainly understand Wii's sentiment. But, for your own sake and your kids' sake, resist the urge to continue to throw the A in XH's face, even if it is just in your own mind. The past is past. You are parents together. Something that happened years ago doesn't justify not making an effort to have a useful co-parenting R. So, don't make your co-parenting choices about problems in an old R that no longer exists. But, you already know that lol.

Try not to take things personally. Listen for what is useful in what XH shares without making it about you or the old M. If you resent XH sharing these things with you because you don't share similar concerns with him, consider that he's opened the door for you to do so. Email is probably best, lol.


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The thing that pissed me off is the criticism. I really, really think he has a set of balls to be critical of me. Ex, I get that you don't like me/things that I do - obviously to the point that you tossed the marriage. I get it. Why keep harping on me, seeing only flaws?

I did step back last night (HATE how this stuff still affects me). The point about the bank account (being very low to empty) is no different than what it had been while we were together - for him to say it bothered him, well, it has nothing to do with him. I do, however, appreciate being told that S14 brought it up.
I actually brought it up with S14 tonight: just asked if he was concerned about finances or anything, that he could talk to me. He said he doesn't know how they ended up on the topic, but did tell his dad about the "empty" account. I reminded him about the college savings plan I have for him through my job, and that things on that end were fine.

And as far as X downgrading.....you know what, I believe it. And my son believes it. My daughter will come to believe it, in time. There is no way not to. If S14 was the one that threw it in his father's face, he would deserve it.

However, I did think about what I want to present to the world (including my kids, and myself). I took the pages down that were negative.

OT, I did double-check my page after you wrote - I was pretty sure that it was set to a pretty private setting. So, I used S14's password to look at my profile - only what I write is visible, and I (usually) stay aware of what I am writing. I really didn't think about where things landed when I "liked" a group - apparently, on your info page for all to see, with no way to block that info! He can't see what my friends post on my wall...he'd have to click to their profile from my page and look at their wall. He has enough of his own friends that he doesn't have time to look through mine...(and I checked his history, just in case).


I broke down a little with my friend today - she had come over to wrap up her resume and application for teaching.
You know, I hate to admit it, it is embarrassing and frustrating, but....I think I still love my ex, who he was. I still miss him, and wonder how he hasn't looked back with any regrets. It's like the love you have when someone dies, except he is still walking around, just happy to be rid of me from his life. I don't know why, but there is a part of me still in shock about that; can't believe it.
Gardener wrote this: Marriage means Never, ever giving up on the other person.
And he did give up on me. Still hurts.

I flip-flop between being graceful and polite around him, which seems to trigger my rose-colored glasses and make me miss him all over again (back on the denial train), to just being this huge b!tch who feels better when I just expect him to be an a$$hole. I don't like either place. So, I am still in NC mode, sticking to email when at all possible.
The 20+ years we had together and I was happy is just too stark of a contrast with where things are, now.

His criticisms - hell, where does he EXPECT me to be? He should only know how much of his choices regarding the kids I disapprove of and don't voice...the biggest and most obvious being having that woman in their lives at all. Does he really think that, at some point, I am going to welcome her into their lives and thank her?

Ugh, I know this is all old recycling stuff. Hopefully it will settle back down again soon...
God, is part of me still waiting around for him to wake up?! What is wrong with me?????

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