Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 51 of 101 1 2 49 50 51 52 53 100 101
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
Quote:
I've been raked over the coals pretty hard here in the DB forums for venting here and the (wrongly-assumed) perception I might let those emotions out before my children. (If that were the actual case, I'd fully agree, but I won't get off on that tangent now.)

me too, and that right there is why I mostly post positives these days. this no longer seems a safe place to vent--and it was my only safe place. it's just not worth it when you have to then go back and defend and explain and still get raked over the coals for not being somewhere emotionally that you're not. I feel for you.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,041
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,041
It is a safe place to vent. I'm sorry you feel otherwise. I hope it'll change for you regarding that. I hope you'll come here to 'vent' whenever you feel the need.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
Sorry HM and others that you don't feel you can vent here. I seem to do my fair share of venting for sure.. smile

I hope you feel you can post what you feel, maybe people are just not reacting well to how things are worded in a forum posting?

It is hard to get the feeling of what someone is writing, and what's behind it..

For me, I try not to take what people write to me personally, as how they interpret or react to what I write is something I can't control..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
Thanks, all.
Two unrelated points, so two posts.
Post 1:
I have finally hit the anger stage of having been suddenly - and inexplicably - abandoned. Not rage. Just good, healthy it's-about-friggin'-time anger.
The Journey From Abandonment To Healing - and my new IC have helped tremendously.

I am an easy-going man and slow to anger. And my anger has usually been measured and appropriate and, I think, well expressed. Admittedly, this was not true as a younger man, in my twenties or early thirties, long before I met X Mrs. G.
I have realized with IC's help that I virtually eliminated (expressed) anger from my emotional repertoire over the years with X.

X's father was physically abusive - a beater - and a rager. As a result, when I did get justifiably angry (we never really "fought" or yelled), but when I would get justifiably angry and even raised my voice - and I'm talking decibels, here, not yelling or screaming at all - X's "old tapes" replayed and she reacted to her father, not to me. Reacted as if I was yelling, screaming, raging. Over time, I reactively toned it down so much that I damn near eliminated it...out of fear of her over-the-top over-reaction to it.
Not good.

Whence came resentment.

Resentment that was my contribution to the downfall of the marriage. That and not knowing about -nor therefore setting - boundaries.

Now, I am mad again. Over the bomb, the abandonment of me, marriage, vows, home and family.

Healthy.
About damned time, in one sense.
Too damned late in another sense.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
As promised, Post #2:

I will be off these boards for several days. Not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, but a couple of weeks ago, older S, 34 sent me round trip tickets to Denver to visit him for five days saying, basically - God bless him - "Hey, you: get out here for a few days. You need it. I miss you."

So, tomorrow's (this morning's) flight is at 8:00. I will be back Sunday evening.

Been dying to see him and his new small house atop a mountain with a 360 degree view of...mountains.

So I will be off these boards because of my five-day itinerary.
Let's see...where is that itinerary? Oh, yeah! Here it is:

Nederland Colorado Itinerary
April 28 - May 2

1. Relax

End Nederland, Colorado Itinerary


I'll probably check in here before I leave in a few hours.
But whether I do or don't, Goodbye.

And remember our two common basics here:
1) We are all - all - greater than the challenges we face.
2) We are all - all - better people than the spouses who wronged us.

And you all saved my sanity this past year. Thank you and God bless you.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,466
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,466
Have a great trip Gardener! smile

And I think it's a big breakthrough that you're feeling the anger and gaining insight about why that's been hard for you.


me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4
current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp
.: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
Thanks, aver
Originally Posted By: avermont
Next time, ask if you can give her your number!!
But Gardener is nowhere near relationship-ready at this point.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
Thanks, fm.
See ya Sunday. Have a good week.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 690
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 690
Well, I got busted on for worrying that one "date" with a guy was the wrong thing to do, cause I am no wise ready for an R.

And many people chimed in and said "it's just a date! don't make such a big deal out of it!"

But I understand.

Enjoy your trip. Time away will be good.

Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
Originally Posted By: Gardener
Thanks, aver
Originally Posted By: avermont
Next time, ask if you can give her your number!!
But Gardener is nowhere near relationship-ready at this point.

Enjoying the company of another human isn't quite the same thing as a relationship. I would advise speading the wings a little.

Page 51 of 101 1 2 49 50 51 52 53 100 101

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard