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I was trying to get all my posts - make a journal or something. Oh well. If anyone reading looks through their own viewable posts and sees anything they replied to on one of my posts before Chapter 16, before 1/18/06 please let me know.


Not much of an update. Same stuff, different day. I've pretty much shut down, gone dark - whatever you want to call it. Let's see, last big post was 1/26/10. We've been ok, bad, ok, bad.
Our friend - the ex-roommate, gay friend - he got in the middle of our R. At the begining of Feb he told me that BF told him stuff - like that BF was planning on moving out. I confronted BF, he denied - we sort of confronted the friend and he blew up saying he wanted nothing more to do with BF.
Couple weeks later - they are friends again and he told BF that he (the friend) didn't tell me those things! I asked BF - why be friends with someone who not only lies about you but lies to you.

There is even less communication and whatever. Not yesterday, but the 3 Sundays prior - he took off. Wouldn't say where he was going or with who (if anyone). During the time he was gone, wouldn't answer his phone by call or text.

Last weekend I was fed up and I had a sleepover at a hotel with friends. It was a lot of fun. But I didn't tell BF anything - i didn't tell him i was going anywhere or anything. And he never called or text to try to find out where i was.

When he came home Sunday, no conversation. later in the day we talked a little and he made a comment that I didn't even come home the night before - and i told him, "you didn't care, you didn't call or text".

my mom talked to him (i did not ask her, i did not prompt her)- he supposedly told her that he wanted to be with me and have a relationship. She told him to grow up and act his age (30) instead of acting like a teenager.

Most recently, this past weekend he went to the friend's place out of town. Told me on Friday. No communication all of Saturday or Sunday when he came home and when he came home, the only thing he had to ask was if I was hungry.
So after a 5-7 nap, asked again.
Later I went and very flatly, calmly, non-emotionally asked him to leave. He was defensive and asked WHY - I told him he was gone all weekend without a word and comes home and no, "hello, how are you, i missed you," nothing except "u hungry"
he said i didn't say anything either, to which i replied - no, i did not because any questions i ask i either don't get an answer or i am called a controlling, nosy b**ch. I asked him to name 1 thing, just 1 thing, he has done to try to make this work and even he said nothing.
then he wanted me to leave him alone so i went upstairs.

So that's where things stand. Not sure what the future holds.
Right now I could take it or leave it - but I'm not putting forth any more effort into the relationship until or unless he does and then I will put forth equal effort.
I was at a book store and found a bunch of relationship books on clearance (Dr Phil's Love Smart, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, etc). They were only $1 and I started to read the Dr Phil - but I stopped. Why am I going to read about fixing a relationship if I'm the only one willing to put forth the energy. No, not anymore.
I love him - but if he wants to be with me, he needs to show it and he needs to prove it.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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(((TMW)))

Quote:

The only relationship you need to fix is the one with yourself.


Extra points if you can tell me where that line is from.
But seriously... it applies to you more than the person who I heard say it.


Me 54
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I read that at the begining of Love Smart wink

It is very true. I'm very blah right now. Not sure if it's exactly down, definately not up.

More than anything....disappointed....in myself, in BF, in the relationship


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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oh never read that... it is from Sex and the City, The Movie. {blush}


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"Last weekend I was fed up and I had a sleepover at a hotel with friends. It was a lot of fun. But I didn't tell BF anything - i didn't tell him i was going anywhere or anything. And he never called or text to try to find out where i was.

When he came home Sunday, no conversation. later in the day we talked a little and he made a comment that I didn't even come home the night before - and i told him, "you didn't care, you didn't call or text".

my mom talked to him (i did not ask her, i did not prompt her)- he supposedly told her that he wanted to be with me and have a relationship. She told him to grow up and act his age (30) instead of acting like a teenager."

Honestly, the exchanges between the two of you make you both sound like teenagers.


"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn

Suzy
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Yeah MsInvisible - Sex & the city. LOL - I commented over on your thread smile

bright - you are right and that is how I have been feeling and it's unacceptable, which is why I have (finally) put my foot down. What my mom said is right - start acting 30 instead of 16.

Maybe it's just me - but I don't know any other 30 year olds that go home, don't talk - don't communicate at all with the person that is "supposed" to be their significant other, that they are supposed to be building a life with. A 30 year old who can't fathom nouns or verbs for any thoughts/feelings/emotions.

Emotionally retarded for lack of a better term and because anger and whatever else.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Okay, sounds like time to do something. I am sure you have heard the esxpression...."The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." So do something different. And I don't mean going away without telling him then being mad he didn't contact you....that is passive/aggressive and somewhat childish. Good luck.


"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn

Suzy
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bright - you are right again. I have been trying to figure out how to break the pattern and do something different. (Are you sure you are in VA and not OH???? smile ) At least at this given moment at 2:55 PM EST on Monday March 22, 2010....I am doing nothing . I am always the one trying, talking, planning, thinking, etc. I readily admit that I have almost been obsessed with relationship stuff - talking about it, working on it, etc.

Now, I am putting forth as much effort as the other person involved - and right now that is none. I put options out on the table.


For me myself - I am planning to take a couple days off work in May (I am on an assignment at work where I can take time off, but it is highly preferred I wait until after a certain date) And that is only about a month away. I plan to clean and organize my house as a way to help in other areas of my life. Since I moved into my house- I've never felt like I used to, when I was married and in my other house - things were very orderly and most things had a place and I had a general schedule for cleaning. Ever since I moved in my house - everything feels disorganized and unkempt. If my downstairs was clean and presentable - things were thrown upstairs and stuffed away. Also in my current house - doors are often closed (because of the cats), but it gives a very dark feeling inside that I don't like.

*just as a general rambling that I may take on my thread - I don't like my house. For those who have been around a while may very well know. My house has issues (HA - just think of that article msinvisible about house=marriage LMFAO) (I know that BF and I aren't married, but I've learned that any long term relationship has many of the same principles as marriage).

Anyway - I liked my house when I moved in, but I went in very blind. I had an inspection, but I didn't know. OH the things I didn't know-If I only knew then what I know now-NOW I know that a freshly painted basement with dry-lock paint probably means moisture problems. I know now to look up, down, upsidedown and sideways at every knook, cranny, crevis, from floor to ceiling on every floor of the house. I know that "repaired by licensed professional" could very well mean some shmuck that says he's a handyman did the work and in the very near future the ceiling he repaired will be falling down (and he now denies touching). I also know what a structural/support beam should and shouldn't look like (shouldn't have a big crack with a little board screwed in next to it) Also an unapproved, untraceable addition to the house that was never signed off on by authorities - will likely come crashing down around you (literally)

Yes, the house had given me many many many lessons. Toilet replacement, basement waterproofing, wall/ceiling/cabinet replacement. Not to mention the joys of not using the upstairs tub for fear of ending up in the living room below. Not to mention the roof that will be required in the next couple years, or the countless other items on the repair list.
But alas, there are some possible sunnysides - as there are laws that force previous owners to disclose such problems and when they don't, the court systems will (hopefully) serve justice where it is due. (May 5) smile


Anyway - thanks for reading and hanging with me and keeping me company. (This next part is meant for those it applies to) I know how frustrated many of you are with me and the sitch with BF. I have no idea what will happen tonight, tomorrow, next week, next year. I would ask that you keep in mind that I do read everything here and I also ask that you keep in mind that this is 1 very small fraction out of a 24 hr day, a 168 hr week, a 720 hr month. The few moments I take to write, to vent, to rejoice - they are but a small window opening of my life, so I ask that you do not presume to know every detail about me and that you know what is best.

I very much appreciate all feedback, information, reviews & support that is offered.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Hi. feeling down today. Not much change, don't want to talk about it - ups and downs. Yesterday big down, can't figure out what's going on with him. Wish my crystal ball was working to know what to do/say (other than just leave BF). really Just wanted to say hi since it's been a little while in case anyone cares.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Hi TMW, I am feeling very down today too. frown


Me 54
DS19 and DS17
Married 06/1989
Divorced 01/2011
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