I am going to have to respectfully disagree... how can any of us be "all in 100%" when reconciling after infidelity? In reality, we may agree to a reconciliation and it may appear we are all in, but we will reserve a part of our heart and maintain our doubts until trust is re-established and our fears subside.
Pearl,
As much as you love your BF, as much as you had invested in him and the R over the years... you have had serious questions of long term compatibility that are valid. Healing from infidelity makes those things even more pronounced, IMHO.
I am guessing it is common to revert back to old patterns... I am very concious of watching that in my M. But, the work it takes to keep addressing that and continuing to break out of those patterns... you have to really WANT this R to do that work. You say you are tired... of course you are. You have worked your A$# off to restore this R. The question is, do you WANT to keep doing that work?
Wait til you are feeling better and see if you are still feeling the same way.
((hugs)) You've been through a lot and you my support no matter what you decide.
I feel many of the emotions you describe. I just want to make a sidenote: would you expect a new BF to act the way you expect or wish you BF to act now? What would be your "requirements". Who can guarantee to you that they would come through for you no matter what? You know by now I assume that ANY good R is the result of hard work, no?
I am not saying to keep at it, I am saying make sure you dont get discouraged by things that will be present in all and every R you will make in the future anyway. Sometimes, after infidelity etc etc, we set the "standards" too high for our R because of the feeling of being right and al the effort we put in it.Standards should be high but also allow room for humans. Take care K
Thanks for all your comments. I'm not ignoring you, I'm still sick and getting crabbier by the day because of it. Will reflect and respond when I'm feeling in my right mind (and body) again.
And if anyone knows a cure for fatigue and overall achiness please pass it on!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
So after I finally got over the bug, went on a girls' trip and came home with bed bug bites. Grrr. I have a huge allergic reaction to them and need to be medicated to get over the reaction. They are finally starting to clear up and I'm on my way to Vegas for another girls' trip/bachelorette weekend.
Still mulling things over.
Last night I dreamt we were getting married but everything was going wrong with the plans. Then I was getting attacked by bees and was screaming for BF to let me inside. He ignored me and I finally got in some other way. When I asked him why he didn't come when I screamed he replied, You're always so dramatic so I figured you were just overexaggerating again.
When I woke up shaking I was hesitant to turn to BF for reassurance even though I wanted it and needed it. I finally did and explained the dream. He told me everything was fine and cuddled me. Then he said it was silly to dream that because it would never happen. I told him that comments like that certainly didn't reassure me because he was just proving that he is dismissive of my fears. He was quiet for a minute then apologized. I'm still analyzing the dream.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
He told me everything was fine and cuddled me. Then he said it was silly to dream that because it would never happen. I told him that comments like that certainly didn't reassure me because he was just proving that he is dismissive of my fears. He was quiet for a minute then apologized.
Geeeeeez, Pearl, that's a little HARSH, don'tchathink? He was COMFORTING you for goshsakes!
