Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 48 of 101 1 2 46 47 48 49 50 100 101
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 690
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 690
Good work, Gardener.

Journey From A-H is good. It was such a relief to read about my physical symptoms!

I will mention it to my new IC, who last week gave me CD's on "Radical Self-Acceptance."

Keep posting, I keep checking in!

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
Livid journaling again!(Part Two) mad
I apologize for being overly wordy (moi? Gardener? Wordy?) blush This however, is my longest post in 11 months.

No doubt, some of you remember this following post from just five days ago:(I will attempt to shorten it, somewhat)
Originally Posted By: Gardener
Livid journaling again!
Today I am both showing the house (Open House) myself without my Broker (long story) and showing the upstairs Master Bedroom Suite to potential renters.

X shows up with some paperwork during one showing. I had asked her to call before coming over which she, of course, ignored.
I good-naturedly told her about the four sale showings and made the mistake of saying I have the MBS advertised for rent. She replies that since I may be realizing income from the place, she will not have to give me money towards expenses of the house any more.

Oh, no, no, no, says I. The damned Connecticut formula is so f'd up that despite her leaving me to come up with her half of house mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, upkeep for 17 months (covering an additional $1,500-$1,700 per month) to keep this place afloat so she can get her 50% of the proceeds when it's sold, her housing expenses went DOWN by $500+ when she moved into her apartment. Difference between her expenses and mine is about $500/month, so she only has to give me half of that difference - a whopping $240 - every month. And even that I do not get monthly: it will be in the form of a credit to me when the house is sold.

I told her I've been breaking my a$$ monetarily and physically to keep this place up and to spruce it up for sale while she does nothing.

She said (once AGAIN) that she offered to come back in December and take over if I moved out and that I agreed and then changed my mind! (how dare I?) I asked her if she was also interested in discussing the seventeen "agreements" we had that she changed her mind on after she left the house! No, of course not. Besides, she did not leave the house (that fog fiction, again!), she left me.

I told her to talk to her lawyer, find the non-existent stipulation in the divorce agreement that she "pays" less if I generate rental income to stay alive until we can sell her and my house. Told her it ain't gonna happen. As a matter of fact, I have logged over 350 hours of non-"normal" maintenance and sprucing up work to sell this place and I'll pursue reimbursement for that if she wants to start playing games.

Also, told her that since the divorce decree gives me sole responsibility to making sure this place stays in show-ready condition, I want her to getthe rest of her sh!t out of my home now so the basement will look more open, less cluttered.17 months and two apartments later is long enough for her to continue to "store" stuff, here. Fine, she says and took a few items she could fit in her car. She said she'd be back for more. "Not today," I said. "No," she replied. "Good," I said.

I then said in the future do not come to my home without my prior approval as stated in the divorce agreement.
Tonight, she sends me this email:
Originally Posted By: X
Gardener,
I spoke to (Mediator) about your plan to rent the rooms upstairs. She regrets not having addressed this in our agreement since the house is owned by both of us, but she is willing to help us negotiate how to proceed.
Of course this is open for discussion but, I thought I would send you a list of my concerns.
Please consider these points:

We need to find out about increased liability and insurance (if necessary) before anyone can move in.
No one can move in without a formal lease—even month-to-month.
Both our signatures should accompany the renter's on the leasing agreement.
The proceeds should be shared by us both. (Mediator will help us determine a fair split.)
I feel it's only fair you have this information so you can think about this and prepare for a discussion. Mediator can arrange a phone conference with us both.

Please let me or Mediator know if you will participate.

Thanks,
X
MY immediate, I-have-friggin'-HAD-it-reply? (.CC'ing Mediator)
(And no, I did not, could not, would not wait 48 hours):
Originally Posted By: Gardener
X,
I will no longer entertain or attempt to rent the upstairs.

Despite our separation/divorce agreement - and your reluctance or inability to face the simple economic fact that your monthly "nut" is - and has been for eighteen months - equal to or less than it was before you left. Mine is - and has been doubled.

And please don't give me that tired old mantra about me changing my mind about letting you move back in December unless you also want to discuss the fact that you said you would never live here again regardless of our outcome - and then changed your mind. And unless you want to discuss the seventeen agreements you proposed regarding our temporary separation which you promptly and systematically reneged on.

I am handling the doubled expenses of carrying this house - with extreme difficulty - in order for there to still be a house to sell so that you can share in the proceeds, a fact that has - and continues to completely elude you. It is unfortunate and quite disappointing that your greed - and need to pursue legal counsel on same - has put an end to my plan that would have greatly eased the burden of keeping this house going until it is sold - for both our benefits.

If renting the upstairs means you'll receive dime of the proceeds, that is enough for me to permanently eliminate it as an option.

It's off. I am pulling the ad. There is no way I will rent it now.

And since you're all about equity and fairness, I would like to hear your proposal for compensating me for the over 350 hours (and related expenses) I have spent thus far in painting, sprucing, mulching, planting, clearing brush, seeding lawn, making repairs, etc., to better stage this house for sale while you do absolutely nothing to contribute in that effort - a concerted effort which must be done to facilitate the sale.

(Mediator, I will contact you in the near future to discuss recompense for this considerable (sole) effort of time and expense on my part.)

X, with the rental now out of the equation, I respectfully request that you do not contact me at all unless it pertains to any of the following:

1) Our 2009 tax return.
2) The house sale.
3) Any stipulation in our Divorce agreement.
4) Your obtaining access to the house for your possessions or
5) Matters of life and death.

Gardener
As I've crudely said before in one of my past posts: "Eff me?? Eff you!!!"

And, funny, but my one post tonight (before getting that email) was going to be, simply: "Realized today that I have actually been feeling quite happy lately. Boy, it's been a while!"

(Actually, still am, despite this) grin

Sorry for the record-setting length, friends. Thanks for reading.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,948
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,948
Wow, came down here bc my ex stirred me awake at 1 am and now I am pissed off by yours! Grr!

The total arrogance and sense of entitlement is just astonishing to me. Probably shouldn't be by now, but it is!


Me-35

Together: 18 yrs
M-12.5 yrs
S-8
D-4
D'd: Feb. 2010

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save. --Zeph. 3:17
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
Thanks, BiobbiJo,
Like I said in a later post the same day as Sunday's first post on this
Originally Posted By: Gardener
But the chutzpah! And the money! Why must it always come down to money?!? MoneyMoneyMoneyMoney!
I'll never understand, I guess.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
I'm sorry, Gardener. The greed and need for control never cease to amaze me with these things. I'd suggest burying a statue of St. Joseph to speed the sale of your house so this can all be behind you. Couldn't hurt!


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
Thanks, hm,
I'll try anything at this point. Doesn't the statue have to be in a certain location or facing a certain direction or something?

Broker scheduled an open house for tomorrow. Gotta keep sprucing up and remain hopeful on that.

Pity, this morning I emailed a grad student who looked at the MBS on Sunday and was all set to go. Told him it is now not going to be rented at all due to ex-W/co-owner legal $ B.S. putting a halt to it. He only needed it for four months, too which was perfect.
I'll be damned if I'll give her one red cent for me advertising it, showing it, negotiating it and living with a stranger to keep the damn place viable and afloat so she can get her precious profit from it after not contributing said red cent toward the house in a year and a half!


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
You know Gman, I was thinking about your reply, and trying to come up with a reason you should have waited 48 hours, or changed the way in which you replied..

But I just can't come up with any....

So good for you! I'd like to see how the mediator replies to your request for compensation. I have my suspicions, but let us know how she does.. :o)

Hope today is ok for you..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
iwiotw,
Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
I'd like to see how the mediator replies to your request for compensation. I have my suspicions, but let us know how she does.. :o)
So will I. But I have to do some homework and record-checking first. I pulled the 350 hrs out of my hat on the fly.
Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
Hope today is ok for you..
Thanks. Gotta be uphill from here. It'll be interesting to see her reply, if there is one.

Also, not hopeful re: Mediator. Mediator was Mediocre and X & I both had to call in our own lawyers anyway which, of course, is what mediation is designed to preclude.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 676
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 676
HM is right, St. Joseph sells houses. It is recommended that you bury him upside down, facing the street - I've also heard to put him near the For Sale sign. He's worked for me and all of my family.

Also, the usual tips. Bake something sweet before showing. (or dab vanilla on the light bulbs - I like the baking thing better). Feng shui - put live flowers around the house, especially in areas where you'd like to draw attention.

You've got plenty of people thinking good thoughts for you - this will happen.

WT

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 207
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 207
Hey G---sorry that you have to deal with this crap. Just think it will be done soon (hopefully!)

You know it is a shame that some kinda company like oh say...Gardner Homes LLC could not "buy" the property for less than it is worth even to get you out of that situation and than "Gardener Homes LLC" may be in a better position to renovate/repair and than ultimately sell your home for a better "more fair" price wink smirk whistle


H: 30
W: 31
S: 2
T/M: 6/4
D Final 4-5-10

Bomb: June 09
Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
Page 48 of 101 1 2 46 47 48 49 50 100 101

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard