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Quote:
We tend to believe there is some kind of time limit on these things, there's an arbitrary time where we will no longer feel any pain. Sometimes we feel we are well beyond that limit and wonder "what the heck is wrong with me"
Exactly. I was having this exact conversation in my head Friday morning.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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Actually, it has been described as being a cycle. (Others key into the "rollercoaster" nature of this process.)

We each cycle through the various stages of this traumatic experience -- and the entire associated range of emotions -- over and over again; each time the cycle becoming more and more spread out, less intense and easier to cope with. Eventually the cycle flattens out and we no longer are so affected, having grown, adapted and moved forward. Healed.

Some cycle out sooner than others. For some of us the cycles seem to fade but they do resurface. Eventually we will all get beyond this. Or so we hope.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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My guess is we never totally get beyond it. I base this on a conversation with a coworker. He's been happily married to his second wife for nearly 20 years. They raised a son. He said the second marriage is better in every way from the first.

Yet he still thinks about his first wife at least once a week.

That was an eye-opener.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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Sorry, CTH, just realized I missed this
Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
So what happened with the phone call?
She never called. She also emailed yesterday that she would be bringing some paperwork I needed over. Would bring it over yesterday or today. Never showed; never called. She's more and more like that lately.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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avermont,
Late reply to you, too. Sorry.
Originally Posted By: avermont
Sorry, Gardener--I keep hijacking threads when I mean to respond to YOUR thread. I'm not really good at this.
As for you: you are so aware of where your heart and mind are. You know what you are feeling, can name it, and can know it is part of the healing.
I have wondered myself just how exactly God allows this incredible pain to exist. But there it is, and you--and all of us--plug along through it. It is life, it is human.Oh, that we could all be happy Labrador Retrievers!
Hijack away. They're not really hijacks; I consider them more like asides or simply "joining in." These are not dialogues we're having (oh, sometimes they are monologues when we vent and journal, true), they are conversations and we join in, interrupt, and digress just as if we were face to face.
Thank you for your kind words. Fortunately, I am usually aware of where my heart and mind are (although the "wheres" have more often than not been bad places these last seventeen months. Indeed, one of the first questions X asked me when we were getting to know each other was how I would describe myself in one word. "Self-aware;" was my immediate response.

We do all plug through incredible pain, but I personally never wonder why God allows this pain to exist. He gives us this gift of life and the natural world and each other. After that, it's all up to us.
I hope you are well and "plugging along" best you can.

And, ah, Labrador retrievers. I think dogs are even more zen-like than cats. My favorite New Yorker cartoon - which I've quoted often, here - shows a man in his easy chair glancing at his watch saying, "What time is it?" His dog is next to him, looking at him with a thought balloon that says, simply "Now. Now. Now. Now."


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Yes. STBXW asked me to give the after-school sitter $35 and she'd stop by and give me a check for it. She never came by and then responded to one email I sent at midnight. Funny thing is I sent something like five emails this week and she responded to just the one.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
http://tiny.cc/thread2
http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu
http://tinyurl.com/thread4
http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6
http://tinyurl.com/thread6
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Thank you, wt,
Originally Posted By: whiskey.tango
Everyone has their own intentions. For their own actions and actions towards you. For those who were impatient with me through my journey, I asked myself what their intentions were. Sometimes they just wanted me to shut up and move on. Sometimes they wished I were more available so we could date. Sometimes they wanted all the focus to be on them.
This.

Originally Posted By: whiskey.tango
admire your strength and clarity with this. It took me a while to figure out what you already know. And about 2 rebound R's. wink
Thanks, again.
And no rebound Rs for Gardener. One year, one cycle: One birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Valentine's Day, etc. ONE YEAR with no R. Just me (socializing, of course, but no R).
And the 16 months of the sitch since the bomb doesn't count. I'm starting my year with the 2/09/10 D.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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hm,
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
I'm so glad you realize this is just part of the journey, not a sign of weakness or not healing. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I don't and I won't. (We should post/talk more; we're of very like minds).


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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So true. it gets so that you can actually see the cycle coming at you.

there will be those, even on the boards, that will tell you that you should be somewhere besides where you are, you should be further along, you should feel more detached by now. To them I say--never "should" on yourself. these things take time, they can't be rushed, and to know that one is having a bad time and it will pass is invaluable. congratulations, gardener.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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Originally Posted By: Gardener
hm,
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
I'm so glad you realize this is just part of the journey, not a sign of weakness or not healing. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I don't and I won't. (We should post/talk more; we're of very like minds).

...to the point of writing similar things at the same time!!


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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