GF, Finding anything in common is not an easy task. In the sentence you wrote to me I found a few; D13, holidays, food and dating. Always look your best when you see him. Make him wait and have him chase you.
You can call to talk him about D13's school or anything else. Keep to the same subject and don't bring up any R talks. If he does just listen. The more you give him what he wants (not S3x) the more he will want to be around you. Don't go dark unless he's so mean you want to stay away from him. End all phone calls before he does and always seem like you have somewhere to go when your around him. At first it may seem like your acting or being fake, but in the end you may find out you have (GAL) a life.
Ok fixer I got ya on some points, but do I call him since I haven't heard a word in a week and 1/2? He told D13 to give me the pizza etc. I texted him thank you and happy easter to you too, lol. But that was it. How do I begin talking or texting him again? I have been doing all of the work with our D13 on my own for a long time, since hes been gone.
He doesn't call and ask about grades or anything. How would I even begin a conversation and as far as the food that was way back in Nov. And I can't bring up the dating thing because he said he changed his mind and doesn't think it would be a good idea for us to date one another.
Ok fixer I got ya on some points, but do I call him since I haven't heard a word in a week and 1/2? He told D13 to give me the pizza etc. I texted him thank you and happy easter to you too, lol. But that was it. How do I begin talking or texting him again? I have been doing all of the work with our D13 on my own for a long time, since hes been gone.
A week and a half ?
Seriously ?
Originally Posted By: Goodfight
He doesn't call and ask about grades or anything. How would I even begin a conversation and as far as the food that was way back in Nov. And I can't bring up the dating thing because he said he changed his mind and doesn't think it would be a good idea for us to date one another.
You just answered your own question there...
YOU form those relationships with the kids....
And you cannot worry about HIS relationship with them.....
Be available, and IF he wants to know, then he will know where to find that information out....
I'm not too certain that you are gonna find something in common with a MLCer....
GF, Mach is right in saying a week and 1/2 is not a long time. I lived with my W so the chance of running into her was high. Common ground doesn't come easy. There's a common ground somewhere but you have to find it. Call to remind him its someone's B-day or this person is in the hospital. Just don't stay on long. The first year she dropped the bomb, I called her to plead my case. I could tell by the way she answered the phone, she was not interested in talking. I said something came up and would call back later. I came to my senses and realized it was not the right time for an R talk. I waited until the day was almost done and then called back. I asked her some unimportant question. She answered it, I thanked her and then quickly got off the phone. Even though these calls were awkward at first; each call afterwards got easier.
Patience my dear. H will call you when he`s ready. I know you want to talk with him, but let him come to you. I have a feeling he`s thinking about this dating thing. He`s probably afraid you remember and will bring it up. Remember not to, and no R talks next time you do talk to him.
If you keep texting and calling, you will interrupt his much needed space, let him begin to wonder about you, then he`ll get in touch with you.
Your H`s concept of time isn`t the same as yours. He`s so zoned out that time doesn`t matter.
Thanks for the advice. Yes Mach I do get it now. Fixer, we have been mostly texting as far as when we do communicate, which I hate! But there is something that I do need to know, not right now but in a month. It's something about the pool. It's like we are both afraid to talk on the phone for some reason, it is awkward....maybe that's it.
I know it hasn't been that long since the pizza thing but Celestial is right and so is everyone else. I have to wait for him to come to me.
About the pool question though.....do I call or text him and how do I go about it? Do I wait for him to contact me about something? Do I call him if he doesn't call or text me before I need to know the answer? All I need to know is if he had changed the sand in the filter since we had the pool. I had someone help me with the pool last year and they told me that the sand needed to be changed around every 5yrs. I honestly don't know if H ever changed it and the person that helped me said that if it hasn't been changed I need to do it this year before I open it.
Fixer, just wanted to let you know that I texted H about someone passing away around a month ago and he didn't even respond. So I don't think reminding him of a birthday or anything would help.
Also, Fixer and Celestial I really don't think H would contact me first. It seems like he waits for me to contact him for some reason. Like in March I had asked him if he could tell me how to get the water off of pool cover etc. and he said he would do it for me and would let me know when. Well, around a week or two later he contacted me and asked if I had got it done or not. I said no, and we ended up texting back and forth joking and that's how we ended up getting together but at his place because he didn't want to come down since my girlfriend was there. Well, that's when we had the conversation regarding the dating thing and you all know what happened after that. Needless to say, thank God I found someone to get the water off of the cover because he never called or texted me seeing if I had got it done or not.
I know I need to detach and I do better on some days than others. Celestial, you said you liked when your H contacted you while you were going through your MLC. I have texted H on his birthdays, and holidays but since I'm trying to detach I didn't contact him on Easter.
I think what part of my problem is that our anniversary is coming up and this year it's on Mother's day also! Got through last year but was rough but really dread this year. See H's real mother and step-father's anniversary is the same day. H and that side of his family all picked the date and pushed the idea of getting married in the first place. I was the one that was really hesitant on getting married due to being divorced because ex H was very physically and emotionally abusive.
Do anniversaries bother any of you? Or are you detached enough not to think of them?
I think texing is not personal enough. You send a text saying H John Doe died.. blah, blah, blah. Doesn't help an MLC'er. A call with empathy saying "I have bad news, John Doe died." Leaves open a communication link. Remember an MLC's is thinking about their own mortality and how much time they have on this earth.
About this pool cover and sand. As a guy's point of view we like to be appreciated. If you ask H to do you and the kids a favor when you know he's listening he may tell you what you want. Here's how I would ask.
Hey H, I know you always took care of the pool. While I was getting it ready for the summer I found out the sand might need to be changed. Do you remember the last time the sand was changed? If he doesn't tell you what you need then change it yourself. The next conversation can then be how you changed the sand yourself and what happened.
I believe we need to let the WAS know we're alive. Let them know by our actions (not words) we got our life back. They are secretly watching us. They already blame us for not having a life so when they see we have our own life; it make them think. Is it me or her?
To quote Star Wars "Stay away from the darkside." Going dark hurts us more than them. First it takes away the opportunity for them to get a peak at what you've been doing. Second, it will make you wonder if this is the right thing to do. Work on you... loose weight (if you have to) work out, join a club, go to the movies by yourself. Go back to school, do something.
Thanks Fixer! I will call H if I don't hear from him in a couple of weeks. Probably at the end of this month. I agree with the texting thing. That's why I hate it, you don't even know if they are in a good mood or not, anyone that you text that is......can't hear the sound of their voice.
