Thank you, Awoken. I am well (in fact you and Renee Marie are singing to me right now. I forget the title, but it's that husband's-gone-stranger-has-erotic-D/S- encounter-with-wife- song!) I'll have to play that one to the next companion/lover who comes into my life
Thank you for the kind words on my journaling/venting posts. Like I said, when I get very descriptive and candid, I feel I run the risk of being seen as "Gardener's backsliding big-time out of detachment again," when all I'm really doing is giving voice to those fewer and farther-apart bereft feelings of (still) very real loss.
I mourn. I grieve. Still. This is not to me a sign of weakness or a symptom of not healing or moving forward or (that absolutely dreadful phrase) not "getting on with my life."
It is part of my process. And Saturday I was consumed by a starkly alone garden-walk that underscored all that I've needlessly, selfishly lost.
I write such things for my emotional and spiritual healing and health. Not to demonstrate that I'm not yet healthy or healing.
Sorry, Awoken. I'm getting a bit strident, but not at you. You understand.
I'm glad the "specificity of the actual words do make a difference," for you.
Similar to the way your music on your cd makes me forget the actual words for a while and just feel and be taken away to a different place. So, I thank you, too.
I read your sitch and think about you often, too. And despite;the pain I write and the pain I read from you, we will be fine. In time. No doubt.
Take care.
Last edited by Gardener; 04/16/1006:18 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Sorry, Gardener--I keep hijacking threads when I mean to respond to YOUR thread. I'm not really good at this.
As for you: you are so aware of where your heart and mind are. You know what you are feeling, can name it, and can know it is part of the healing.
I have wondered myself just how exactly God allows this incredible pain to exist. But there it is, and you--and all of us--plug along through it. It is life, it is human.
Oh, that we could all be happy Labrador Retrievers!
mourn. I grieve. Still. This is not to me a sign of weakness or a symptom of not healing or moving forward or (that absolutely dreadful phrase) not "getting on with my life."
It is part of my process. And Saturday I was consumed by a starkly alone garden-walk that underscored all that I've needlessly, selfishly lost.
This.
Everyone has their own intentions. For their own actions and actions towards you. For those who were impatient with me through my journey, I asked myself what their intentions were. Sometimes they just wanted me to shut up and move on. Sometimes they wished I were more available so we could date. Sometimes they wanted all the focus to be on them.
I admire your strength and clarity with this. It took me a while to figure out what you already know. And about 2 rebound R's.
There are these awful moments, and sometimes they just completely sneak up on you from out of the blue and knock your feet out from under you. I think it's the totality of the loss sinking in to our psyches; seems like we have to feel it at every level in order to heal at every level.
I'm so glad you realize this is just part of the journey, not a sign of weakness or not healing. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Thank you, Awoken. I am well (in fact you and Renee Marie are singing to me right now. I forget the title, but it's that husband's-gone-stranger-has-erotic-D/S- encounter-with-wife- song!) I'll have to play that one to the next companion/lover who comes into my life
Thank you for the kind words on my journaling/venting posts. Like I said, when I get very descriptive and candid, I feel I run the risk of being seen as "Gardener's backsliding big-time out of detachment again," when all I'm really doing is giving voice to those fewer and farther-apart bereft feelings of (still) very real loss.
I mourn. I grieve. Still. This is not to me a sign of weakness or a symptom of not healing or moving forward or (that absolutely dreadful phrase) not "getting on with my life."
It is part of my process. And Saturday I was consumed by a starkly alone garden-walk that underscored all that I've needlessly, selfishly lost.
I write such things for my emotional and spiritual healing and health. Not to demonstrate that I'm not yet healthy or healing.
Sorry, Awoken. I'm getting a bit strident, but not at you. You understand.
I'm glad the "specificity of the actual words do make a difference," for you.
Similar to the way your music on your cd makes me forget the actual words for a while and just feel and be taken away to a different place. So, I thank you, too.
I read your sitch and think about you often, too. And despite;the pain I write and the pain I read from you, we will be fine. In time. No doubt.
Take care.
Gardener,
Just wanted to tell you I thought this was a great observation AND that it really helped me where I am right now.
So true. We tend to believe there is some kind of time limit on these things, there's an arbitrary time where we will no longer feel any pain. Sometimes we feel we are well beyond that limit and wonder "what the heck is wrong with me"! Losing a marriage of any length of time is a horrible, horrible thing. In our society it's talked about like an everyday occurrence, like it's nothing. Yet, the damage it causes to individuals is real and an everyday battle to overcome. It's not just one of those things. like a bad flu, that will happen to each of us! I know there are times when I'm out somewhere and realize I'm there alone, I'm not with that person I spent 17 years of my life with. It's tough sometimes. I don't know when it gets to be a distant memory but even after 2.5 years I'm not there yet. So Gardener and givingitmyall, you two aren't alone here!
I'll have to play that one to the next companion/lover who comes into my life 