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Quote:
IC meeting tomorrow...but looks like I'm finally off the Effexor (took a long time to come off of it - makes your head feel squirrely if you move too fast).


I went off the Effexor after realizing it was messing with my equilibrium if I missed a dose. I switched to Lexapro, then went off of that about 5 months after X moved out. It's kind of funny that I needed the meds during my marriage, but after he left I was able to go off. crazy Kind of opposite of most people! LOL


"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn

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:-)


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LOVE IT!


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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Donna, I'm pleased to see you taking this step but remember that if you do feel the need to go back on the AD's at some point it is not a sign of failure! It's a matter of making sure you have the best life possible. Good luck with it! smile


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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Absolutely, wii!! I am open to using any and every tool available to me wink I have no regrets or shame about the meds, or any of the other stuff (including the 2 stints in the mental ward).
Hey, I'm still here, right?

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These things are creepy sometimes:

Quote:
April 15, 2010
Pisces (2/19-3/20)
You've been seriously involved before in many different ways, and you certainly know what it's like to care deeply for someone. At the moment, though, you're not really thinking about the past -- only about what it would be like to be with someone new. Of course, there's also an air of secrecy surrounding the situation, which makes it all the more appealing. You of all people know that there's something to be said for mystery, after all.

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I fear your enthusiasm for your horoscope makes this sound a little bit dirty now:

"Absolutely, wii!! I am open to using any and every tool available to me. wink"

wink


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OK, that last downturn? Figured out another reason for the trigger...
X had asked D10 (almost 11) if she would do her birthday party at his house, since he missed seeing her open all her presents from her friends.
Well, do that to the too-eager-to-please child and of course she says Yes. He then told her to tell me. Way to not put the child in the middle, X! A$$ should have emailed me, himself, something. ANYway...

Poor thing, stuck in the middle, afraid that someone was going to get their feelings hurt - over HER party!
So, she came to me and asked if I would mind, and I said "Sweetie, it is YOUR birthday - have your birthday wherever you want to!" Relieved, she said she'd do it there to make daddy happy. frown Ugg....last year I asked her what she wanted to do for her party, and she wanted it at the indoor waterpark....
So that she had some choice, her actual birthday is this Tues and I asked her what she wanted to do - her request was to head into the city for the day so the Broadway hopefuls at Ellen's Stardust could sing Happy Birthday, and so she could - wait for it - SHOP! (That is a first for her - she's growing up!) She asked for my college roomie to come, too (like an aunt to her). At least she'll have some say in that...

Anyway, as soon as he got the go-ahead, the gf jumped in with all kinds of sucking-up plans with D - took her shopping a few times to get party supplies, bought a special cake plan, made hand-made invitations with her, etc....
I'll tell you here - I was pissed. I don't like this woman giving my kids attention like that. Puke - She has four of her own, and my former husband - leave my kids alone! are the deep dark feelings that roll around.
I'm not surprised by it, though - this is modus operundi for this chick, doing things over the top in the hopes that it will make her look good, not out of love or caring, then talk about how hard it was to do...I've seen her do the same thing for 14 years - oh, and X had the same quality, come to find out! A perfect match.


IC gets it, agreeing herself that this gf has some questionable morals and poor character, etc. But it is good that she is like this, rather than nasty, to my kids.
Anyway, looking back, I think it was this whole manipulation of my D10 and then gf's over-done attempt to win her over that made the issue with my S send me mentally wobbly for a few hours. wink Good to know, now continuing along...

*******

Fast-forward to yesterday, the day of the party. It was also the first day of spring break here.
They had set the date of the party without contacting the friends' families first - only one invitee was able to come, and she couldn't sleep over - most people had gone away.
X also invited all of his sibs to his house (which is right here in the same town), my kids' aunts and uncles. His parents were invited by proxy, so I was told (maybe a sib asked them to go?), but they declined.

Here is the thing that has me shaking my head -

X has 4 sibs, all married, 2 have sons: two grandchildren to my in-laws. They all live at least 1+1/2 hours away, so they don't see them often.
The youngest grandson is only 9 months old (I've never met him or gotten any response at all for gifts I have sent).

NOT ONE OF THE SIBS STOPPED BY TO SEE THEIR OWN PARENTS!!

I wasn't even planning to be in town yesterday (had plans but they fell through), so I don't think it can be chalked up to being uncomfortable around me...
How do you drive to the SAME TOWN that your parents live in, sitting in the car for more than 1+1/2 hours, and not visit your parents?! Do they think they will live forever?!

I tell you, the longer this goes on, the clearer a picture I have of things. Guess I had those rose-colored glasses on for ALL of these people, not just X. I grew up with them, considered them brothers and sisters...But wow, now I can see just how different we really are. So much for the fairy-tale family.

I didn't say anything to anyone, but I feel really badly for my in-laws. They must have been hurt - what would it have taken to stop by, for them to have at least seen the baby?

I've told them in the recent past that I don't want to be a reason or used as an excuse for them not reconcilling with their son - I can't imagine having that strife with my own kids.
All in all, I am the LEAST directly affected by this mess - I don't have to deal with X outside of some parenting - but he is still the kids' father, and the in-laws' son.

(Weird, similar note: in-laws went down to LI for a funeral on Friday. Again, none of her kids made an effort to meet them. MIL's step-dad has been in rehab for a fall. In-laws stopped by to visit - for 15 minutes!)
Hey, come to think of it, even when we all lived within a few towns of each other, MIL didn't spend that much time with her mom, rarely visited except for holidays, etc. - this whole thing might not be that extraordinary for their family, at all!!

Oh, well....to each, their own, I guess.

Hey, maybe that explains why they didn't decide to move out when the whole thing exploded - who looks like they will actually BE THERE for them as they grow older? Just, wow.

Last edited by Donna...Found; 04/18/10 02:59 PM.
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I'll tell you here - I was pissed. I don't like this woman giving my kids attention like that. Puke - She has four of her own, and my former husband - leave my kids alone! are the deep dark feelings that roll around.
I'm not surprised by it, though - this is modus operundi for this chick, doing things over the top in the hopes that it will make her look good, not out of love or caring, then talk about how hard it was to do...I've seen her do the same thing for 14 years - oh, and X had the same quality, come to find out! A perfect match.

I am with you Donna, I feel the same way about the new Mrs. X....leave my kids alone! LOL But like in your case, everything is done "for show" without the emotions behind it, and the kids see that.
Quote:
Fast-forward to yesterday, the day of the party. It was also the first day of spring break here.
They had set the date of the party without contacting the friends' families first - only one invitee was able to come, and she couldn't sleep over - most people had gone away.

My D has had that experience inviting friends to a party at X's house also, only one person came. It is sad for the kids.


"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn

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Took my D to the city yesterday for her birthday - my baby is 11 already! We had a great time, shopped, people-watching. She got a Broadway-rendition of Celebrate-Good Times! sung to her that I taped. Came home early and exhausted. S didn't go because of a belly ache - probably for the best, so we could really do the girly stuff without the male whining. wink


Minor vent:
Home together today until their father picked them up for dinner.
He called me about 2, again to reprimand me...
This time, it was that no one called him to say S14 stayed home. He went on to say that he needs to know where the kids are, "in case something were to happen." I didn't even get into it with him. Partly, because my mind doesn't process that fast, especially this kind of stuff. I've always said that I just don't get mean people - guess it applies to controlling bullies, as well. Like we're operating on different levels of reality.
Then, he announced that he was getting the kids on the way home from work (which, as usual, is an hour earlier than the agreement), and since he was driving, I would have to pick up. I pointed out, again, that he is already in the car, driving past our house, when he is picking up - I am not in the car, or down in his neighborhood, and that it isn't "on the way" to anything, when it is time for the kids to come back here. I said I didn't want to argue about driving, anymore - did he still expect me to drive tonight? He said he would appreciate it.
Appreciate it. I muttered Of course and just said Fine and hung up. A$$.

Mean people suck. And I can see how he is, now, and has always been to some degree (much more so with other people, back then) - a bully who wants control.

I'm trying to pick battles, do what I can to not have the kids in the middle and alleviate some of their hurt when he puts them there. I debated emailing him that the early pick-ups wouldn't "work for me" anymore, and that since the agreement lays out him doing the travel, that is what will be. Then I think about how he would tell the kids that I was keeping them from him. And there are still holiday issues to clear up for the year, and the old air conditioner mess that he left has to be fixed before the weather gets terrible again. Better to say nothing. Very alien to me, to not talk about stuff, but he has just proven that anything I have said can and WILL be held against me for the rest of my life.
Just a shItty thing to realize...so much was thrown away by this man.
Instead, I write diatribes and monologues addressed to this man in my head. Akin to putting it on paper and burning it, I try to mentally ball it up and let it go.
I have found that things are better when I just expect him to be an a$$hole, since he hits the mark so often - then I'm not surprised, looking over my shoulder wondering who he is talking to.

As I was falling asleep (didn't work, can't you tell?), I started thinking about my D11's behavior...Her love, her outlook on life, is fear-driven. Probably was predisposed to it, but the divorce certainly hasn't helped. She is always so worried about doing something wrong...
We got on the train early yesterday, during peak, but I had bought a round-trip off-peak ticket. She was wincing in pain and fear until the conductor came and just had me pay him the difference - it didn't matter that I told her it was no big deal, that it would be ok-I even showed her the cash, told her the worst-case scenario was that we would get off at the next stop and have to go to the ticket window. She was so scared.
Hence, having the birthday party at her dad's house, to "make him happy."
I forsee an ulcer in her future, and I'm not sure what I can do about that.

Oh, another topic that was brought up by IC last time I went, about S14. After a few pointed questions about my concerns and his grades, she suggested ADD/ADHD screening and his possibly being depressed - says it manifests in teens differently. When I said that x will pitch a fit about the ADD inquiry, she suggested that I talk to my friend up at his school candidly about it, so that a request can come from the guidance office there instead of through me.


Wow, after going back and reading all that, you wouldn't get the impression that I am actually doing pretty good - looking forward to working in the garden tomorrow with S14 and his friend, installing some pond shells that I've had forever sitting around, along with a small canvas gazebo I picked up on clearance last year. My back (which has been giving me some grief for about a month) is doing ok - always better after loosening it up - getting out of bed or sitting too long are bad. Spring vacation is going by too fast!

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