Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II)

[Ready2Change]

RW,

I'm going to tackle some of your post above.

I have been cheated on, abandoned, and betrayed by the man I love and have been faithful to for over twenty years.

Yes. And you are hurting.

And, despite the fact that I still love him deeply,

Yes you do.

he really "feels nothing" for me.

That's a lie. He feels for you and loves you. Those "feelings" are there. They are clouded and covered at the moment, but they are there.

It is most likely his depression that is causing this.

It is. But don't look at the depression... look at the reasons for the depression. This man has not only betrayed you but he has betrayed himself. He broke his vows. This has caused him to question himself and his very core. He is questioning his ability to make sound choices. He is questioning 1000 other things. He needs to rationalize what he has done. He perceives himself as a complete failure to you - his W, his family, his finances... and whatever else.

But, somehow he "felt" for her... very intensely.

That is true. He did. If he denies this to you he would be lying. He cared for her -- note the PAST tense of this. Something you're going to come to terms with is this: IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. He got suckered in by his lust and by being manipulated.

at some point I may not be able to live with that. I don't know.

Then you will make a decision when that point comes. It is understandable and yes, the truth is... you don't know. Don't waste time and energy on the unknown. Use your abilities on the known and on what you have control over.

Don't I deserve to know what it is like to have a man passionately fight for me, want me, adore me?

Yes you do. Right now your man is wounded. How can you expect a wounded man to get up and fight? You can't, not even the army expects this. You wait for him to heal so he can get up and fight again.

Am I just a stupid hopeless romantic? Am I unrealistic?

I don't think so. You sound like a woman who knows what she wants.

As a matter of fact, I am now starting to look forward to a break from him and the intensity of all this. GAL time!

Yes, yes and yes. Take a break. Concentrate on you for a while.

I'll get back to you on that other stuff but wanted to tackle this first.

[Ready2Change]

...Well, we could all use some good news right? So I have some....Largely due to the perspective shift Gno has been helping me work on for some time now, I approached H very differently last night. I gave him a hug and told him "I am sorry I didn't see or hear how much you were struggling with things before the A. I am sorry for my part in why you were feeling lonely." H hugged me back very tightly and told me he appreciated that so much....I wanted to share this because I think my validating of where he was at, and approaching him with compassion and love, opened up a level of emotional intimacy for him that was very important. I needed that perspective shift to happen first... thanks Gno!

[Ready2Change]

Good things come to those who have the confidence to be involved instead of waiting to be invited.

[Ready2Change]

Left Behind. Truth.

I stand before you. One betrayed person speaking to another. Though you cannot hear my voice speaking the words to you. I whisper them in your ears as you read the words I have written upon this electronic canvas. As you know I was betrayed in July emotionally. Physically in August. I speak this for it is the truth. I am not ashamed of betrayal. I am no less a person than those who have not experienced the gut wrenching pain of betrayal. Those whose hearts are not covered with deep wounds. Whose depths remain uncharted. Yet I heal and the scars have formed. They crisscross across my heart. But it still beats with passion, with love, with care , with hope, with strength, with courage, with determination, with purpose, with endurance, and with innocence. My heart beats strong. My soul , mind , heart and spirit were not destroyed. They were not taken from me by such a selfish and determined act of cruelty. For my vows and morals were the pillars that stood against the storm. I retreated and weathered the storm. These is the truth that I speak to myself......

I am betrayed
I am healing
I am strong
I am abound with inner strength
I believe in myself
I am a kind and caring person
I am working every day at improving myself
I am hopeful about my future
I am in control of the present
I am at peace with that I cannot control
I am at peace with the past
I am proud of my actions
I am not afraid of my thoughts
I am not afraid of my actions
I am not afraid of speaking my thoughts
I am not afraid of acting
I speak the truth
I speak openly when needed
I listen when needed
I listen because what is said to me is important
I listen because I enjoy what you say to me
I listen because I wish to learn
I will have a full and happy life
I have grace
I have strength of character
I smile with my eyes
I have self worth
I believe in myself
I have endurance
I have persistence
I have a purpose
I have strength
I have determination
I have courage
I have clarity
For I am truthful to myself
I know now that I will fall in love again
because I know I can love again
I know now that I will love again
because I can trust again
I know now that I can trust again
because I was granted the gift of unconditional love.

My life is now.

These thoughts were about I. But I could take your name and place it there. And the truth would be spoken. Interchangeable. Equal. Respect. Truth.

[Ready2Change]

I was an emotional wreck, devastated by what was going on... but I did not let that show to H. I counted on the support here to help me through that.

The point is to do things differently than what you were doing... it obviously wasn't working.

These things are counter-intuitive, but your best chance of turning things around. If you are like most of us here, you will find a strength within yourself you didn't even know you had.

[Dudess]

I decided to live life like I believed that Jesus had my back and like I was truly blessed. I turned up my happy. I got giddy and delerious with my life. And I got sexy back. And somebody seems to have noticed

[Ready2Change]

It seems to really boil down to:

If someone wants to leave, let them leave. Don't hold on. Move forward. Improve yourself. Don't try to control anything. Say Yes to whatever happens. Keep the focus on yourself. Want what you want, but don't be attached to a particular outcome. Live life.

[Ready2Change]

To make it easier to find them later...

* Improving Assertive Behavior
* Building Trust
* Handling Insecurity
* Stress Reduction
* Self-Affirmations
* Improving Listening Skills
* Self-Esteem
* Handling Forgiving and Forgetting
* Letting Go Uncontrollables and Unchangables
* Overcoming Perfectionism
* Developing Detachment
* Eliminating Manipulation
* Developing Patience
* Eliminating Passive Aggressiveness
* Handling Intimacy
* Stages of the Loss Process
* Handling Fear of Rejection

I couldn't find these on the site:

* What is Low Self Esteem?
* Overview of Critical Thinking
* Handling Fear of Guilt

And a few I wanted to add to the list...

* Handling Resentment
* Handling Forgiving and Forgetting
* Goal-Setting in Relationships
* Overcoming the Role of Victim or Martyr

[brenalim]

Pain beats regret every day of the week and twice on Sundays

[steady]

Pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional.