Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 39 of 101 1 2 37 38 39 40 41 100 101
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,612
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,612
I am really glad you are back on your meds. Being weaned properly is so important!

I went three days w/o my Lexapro (wasn't trying to take myself off of it, I had another RX to fill and was waiting to get both done at the same time). I figured three days, two and a half actually, would be no big deal.

WRONG!

I didn't crash or feel emotionally unwell but I was so dizzy I could not even see straight. It was the most awful feeling. I was literally walking into walls.

My dr explained the science behind it all (the blood/brain barrier penetration with AD's) and being weaned the right way is very, very crucial!

Be well!

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,466
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,466
(((Gardener))) I'm sorry you've been through a tough time. I hope that we can be of support to you.


me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4
current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp
.: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
CityGirl and flowmom,
Thanks for checking in. I'm doing much better. And, actually, the resumed meds I mentioned is not the AD I stopped. My Dr. said that since I experienced so few of the many reported withdrawal side affects, I will probably be fine. The worst side affect was rampant anxiety. The meds I have been given are low-dose, low strength anti anxiety meds, just enough as she said, "take the edge off." Am seeing her Tuesday for a follow up

Of the many side affects, I experienced only the anxiety, crying spells, slight difficulty swallowing and - get this - repetitive songs/tunes getting stuck in your head! When I read that, I thought, "well that explains that odd inexplicable annoyance of the last few days. There's even a name for that (I forget it right now). Who knew?

I had suspected that after 18 mos of the meds, I might no longer be depressed and apparently I m,ah have been right ( so far). While anxiety can be a large part of depression, I remember the depression of '08 that put me on meds and I feel nothing like that (nor do I ever want to be there again!).

I've been keeping up on many threads, chiming in on none. But will be back in in full force soon.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 207
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 207
Hey G I hear you on the checking in without chiming in. Hope all is well for you. Looking forward to getting more words of wisdom from you next week when I move into my new place!


H: 30
W: 31
S: 2
T/M: 6/4
D Final 4-5-10

Bomb: June 09
Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
***Long Journal Warning***
Journaling,

Rough couple of weeks stopping the AD meds, but overall, doing real good now and am on mild anti-anxiety meds. Beginning to realize that low-level chronic anxiety has really been a life-long problem. Exercising even more, meditating even more (have added chanting after investigating it after - flowmom was it? - made mention of it several times. Seems to help still the mind further and offer a different way of monitoring and being conscious of my breathing.

Am also slooowing down. In everything I do. Trying to recapture my mindfulness.

Am trying these and other complimentary approaches to become more aware of - and feel - the anxiety. I find it helps to keep it in check.

Getting out/reaching out more. No/low money things.

Adopting Gypsy's approach of tackling first that which I fear the most. Has been very helpful in chipping away at the procrastination. And with the "worst" done and behind me, there's a sense of accomplishment and a sense that even if that one's the only one I tackle that day, I'm content with that.

I lost another customer due to the economy. Not sure, but I may have crossed that threshold of now making slightly less than my monthly nut. But I'll get over that and through it.

I'm going to Colorado at the end of the month for five days to visit S,33 in his new house on the mountain. It's been a little over a year since I've seen him last and I can't wait.

Have interviewed three new, nearby ICs. Had to shelve the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for now because in thi$ neck of the woods, CBT, like everything else, is quite expensive: $250/initial consult and $225 thereafter per weekly visit. Nope, gonna have to pa$$ for now.

One IC has had some training in CBT and I really clicked with her. Came away feeling understood, cared about and cared for and with the sense of - no, actually her assurance of - her being a real task master and not just a passive, friendly, supportive listener which is all my last IC was.

I also consulted with a psychiatrist who I saw for 6 or so sessions in '06 as I undertook quitting alcohol. Back then, I had I asked Mrs. G. to accompany me and, thankfully, she did; it helped a lot. When I brought him up to date on the last 4+ years, and the walk away, inexplicable alien behavior of former wife (adding a description of her horrid FOO and upbringing) as well as the sudden death of her physically abusive father five months before the Bomb, he made a most interesting comment: "I always had a sense that Mrs. G. was speaking from a place of deep trauma."

Sort of brought me back to my DB stance in the beginning of always reminding myself, "Your best friend is in an awful lot of pain and very confused."

That helped me, but never really helped the sitch: I couldn't get through that wall of pain.

Am organizing a mini high school reunion outside the normal Alumni Reunion fiascos: just my old crowd. End of May. 11 invited, 10 confirmed.

When I told S,33 of my itinerary to Colorado, he announced my birthday present for July. He works for a recording/touring "bluegrass/rock" band with 10 albums under their belt. Also does Security at various musical festivals/concerts and cruises. Well, he informed me that he bought me airfare to Portland, OR for a musical festival he's working. I'm going to be working for him, handling backstage/all-access Security for 4 days. I'm thrilled! Might even have time to drive over to Eugene and check that town out while I'm there.

Long post, but I've kinda been away as you know. That and I can't remember the last time I posted a journal listing nothing but positive developments!

Thanks. I'll be catching back up with you guys over the next few days

***End Long Journal Warning***

Last edited by Gardener; 04/03/10 03:17 AM.

Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
Originally Posted By: Buffet
Hey G I hear you on the checking in without chiming in. Hope all is well for you. Looking forward to getting more words of wisdom from you next week when I move into my new place!
I'll be there, Buffet!


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,466
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,466
Hey Gardener,

Nice to read your update. I'm so glad to read about the things you're doing to manage low-level anxiety. I'm becoming more aware of how this has affected my life too. Just being able to identify feeling anxious is a challenge for me, because it's become so habitual.

take care!


me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4
current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp
.: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
fm,
Originally Posted By: flowmom
Nice to read your update. I'm so glad to read about the things you're doing to manage low-level anxiety. I'm becoming more aware of how this has affected my life too. Just being able to identify feeling anxious is a challenge for me, because it's become so habitual.
Thank you. I know there are some who think I take the Inner Child thing too far, but I am realizing that at the core of most of my onsets of anxiety, is a trigger/memory of a fear, a dread, a sense of being overwhelmed that sets off a reaction in the now of the little boy in me from the past (if that makes sense). I kind of tell him this is different, I'll handle it, I got his back. For me, it works.
Hope all is well with you. Will catch up soon.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 690
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 690
Hey Gardner, checking in.

Your birthday present sounds awesome.

I, too, suffer from that constant low-level anxiety. Haven't done any work yet to find out why this is so, but it's just like my mum, so there you go. It is indeed draining.

I'll keep checking in. I look forward to hearing your rock n'roll backstage stories!

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,096
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,096
I think most of us suffer from low level anxiety. Some may not have had it until the WAS left or dropped the bomb.

For me, a lot of my issues date back to my parents' divorce and my teenage years. My issue is I feel like a failure when I'm not with someone.

It's why I'm really, really, really trying to stay connected with D7 and D11.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
http://tiny.cc/thread2
http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu
http://tinyurl.com/thread4
http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6
http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Page 39 of 101 1 2 37 38 39 40 41 100 101

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard