Start of the end..

[iwantittowork]

Hey ant, you are correct, and I know that. I was morer analyzing my side of things and why I felt the way I did. Nothing to do with her, but has to do with me!

[iwantittowork]

Well, last night was an annoyance...

Note to self. Don't respond to requests from stbxw at the end of the day, do it earlier.

stbxw emailed a mundane question on dog pen that we used to have, that she gave away to someone, and wanted to know where all the parts where.

I was busy so waited to the end of the night before bed to respond.

Then wound up dreaming about getting back together with stbxw last night! Ugh!!

Makes sense, when the last thing you do puts her square in your mind before falling asleep.

Oh well, didn't cause too much sleep deprivation, just annoyed and not really sad though which was good..

[antlers]

It takes time, I'm sure, to get over the loss of people that we were intent on spending our lives with. There are no easy answers for us, and no easy way out. We gotta go 'through' this...awful as it is. Letting go of them, and letting go of the past...forgiving it...can be done. It takes time and effort, and is a choice that we must make and commit to.

[SpyBunny]

What Antlers said! I can't add to it, but I'm here.

Hugs, Bunny

[iwantittowork]

Hey Ant, Bunny, thanks for the checkin..

I think I am actually doing well at getting over stbxw. Was it what I wanted? No, but it is what it is..

So, how about some good news for a change?

Just got back from doctor's checkup, and he was absolutely stunned at my progress so far, was nice to get some accolades from him, so if ya'll don't mind I am going to toot my own horn a bit.

Since September of 08:
I have lost 52 LBS from 238 to 186.
Cholesterol went from a redline 245 to 188
Heart rate from the 90's to the 70's
Blood pressure from 136/92 to 118/76

I estimate body fat at between 17_-20 percent right now, and want to get down to 10-15 percent.

So, I feel great, probably in the best shape since my mid 20's, with a bit more work to do, but I feel I am progressing on my health well..

Lots of other stuff to still work on, but taking things as I can..

[antlers]

That's great man! You're so much healthier now than you were then, the numbers speak for themselves. I know that you feel physically better, and that has to make you feel mentally better too...to some degree. You've done a lot of hard work on your health, and it shows. Again, great job! Keep after it.

[BigJohn]

IWITW,

Good to see you back on the boards. Now you know how time really flys when you stop posting for awhile.

Congrats on the health achievements- that's fantastic. One of the biggest bummers with the sitch with S10 was that I stopped going to the gym- haven't gone in a few months now. I put some weight back on and now I'm a little P.O.'d at myself for not sneaking out late after S10 went to bed at night. I just couldn't do it though, mainly because I didn't want to leave him alone. Still working with the counselor and all the kids along with STBXW. We are making progress, so I'm hopeful to get back in the saddle again in time to look good for the summer.

[Gardener]

iwitw,

Since September of 08:
I have lost 52 LBS from 238 to 186.
Cholesterol went from a redline 245 to 188
Heart rate from the 90's to the 70's
Blood pressure from 136/92 to 118/76
I estimate body fat at between 17_-20 percent right now, and want to get down to 10-15 percent.

Holy Sh!t! Bravo and congratulations!

[iwantittowork]

Hey all, I need assistance on communication. I am copying/pasting emails exactly for your thoughts.

Got some miscommunication with stbxw on Easter with d9, so I tried to reach out to her via email in a way that validated if she felt differently than I did about situation and try move forward. She had assumed she would have d9 for Easter from the brief discussion we had at L meeting where my attorney kicked her and her attorney out of his office with no agreements. I had left that meeting figuring that nothing was agreed to.

So, in attempt to reconcile that, I sent her the following email:

"I will try and have d9 back to the house in the 6-7pm range, if that works for you, let me know.
I am sorry if you felt that we had this worked out at the lawyers.
I felt that we had not come to any agreements that day, and had been working off the previous 'ad hoc' schedule of me having her on weekends and us informing each other of impending schedule issues.
Can we agree to continue on this for now, with each of us informing the other of scheduling things? I have updated you via email previously and don't have anything else on my schedule that is a conflict yet. "

Comes her reply today:
"yes, thats fine. I will be looking into returning to college during the break and as I only have weekends for classes it would be helpful if you could take her on the 3rd weekend of the month as you have her grandparents for child care if you have other plans on that weekend. I don't have child care on the weekends as her brothers are not here then.
Whenever you drop her off this evening will be fine. I want as much stability in her life as we can provide."

So, her reply has me completely angry this AM. I am putting the 48 hour rule in affect.

So, she wants to return to college now, and going to have child care issues. For context, I will be asking for 1 weekend a month without d9 as part of our agreement. She already is attempting to back me out of that, under pretense of 'stability for our d9' Horsepucky! If you wanted stability for d9, maybe you would have worked on your MR rather than just dumping it for some new guy!

I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but I don't feel that 1 weekend a month for myself when I am working 5+ days a week, and taking her in most of my free time is much to ask for in our agreement, and I am sorry if that affects your plans stbxw!

Maybe I just set myself up for this reply by me email attempt, and maybe I am just way over reacting, so that's why I am posting here for comments.

Hit me with the 2x4 if you think I am, or give me some advice on how, or even if, to reply...

Thanks all, hope you are having a good Easter.

[antlers]

Happy Easter IWITW.

I think YOU need one weekend a month for yourself, especially if you're working 5 days a week.

"I want as much stability in her life as we can provide too. I need one weekend a month for myself, especially since I'm working 5 days a week. You'll need to provide for your child care needs for our daughter on the one weekend a month that you have her if you have other plans."

Good luck with whatever you decide.