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I think men and women are both shallow in differeny ways.

Physical appearance is #1 with men. Conversely, no matter how hideous they are, most men think they're all that. Funny, that!

And boy, do we women laugh our asses off at some of the ridiculous posturing. Why do guys pose down in front of the mirror? Very, very few men can pull this off. And it is such a turn-off anyway.

I have seen lots of very beautiful women with hideous men. But that is because these men have money and some other sort of status.

Or, they play bass in a band. Those guys can get away with being hideous too.

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Originally Posted By: Coach

- Don't always tell me no.


honesty

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I think what we are attracted to changes over time. When we are younger, men may be mostly attracted to looks and the feminine form and may not realize that there has to be more substance than that in order to keep his interest over time. After dating a lot of beautiful but crazy women, and man will usually start being more discerning about what qualities he is attracted to, versus simply physical attributes.

I think this is true for women, too, although the opposite order may happen. Younger women will tend to be attracted to men who make her "feel good" when she is around him. Usually this only happens for a short time in the beginning of a dating relationship with young people. Then she usually realizes how immature he is, but by then, she may be in love with him and find it hard to step out of a relationship with him, because women tend to think that love is hard to find or that it is the only thing needed to keep a relationship going. Younger women tend to think that love is scarce and are afraid to leave a bad relationship if love is present. Most of us realize as we get older that you can love someone but still not be good in a relationship together. Love is not enough.

A problem with the "feel good around him" attraction for younger women is that it can be such a wide range of types of guys who make her "feel good" and she may have no idea why he makes her feel good. It could be something about her upbringing or personality - versus something about the man himself. For instance, a man like her father, may make her feel good around him. Or a very very "bad boy" type make make her feel good around him. Or a very intellectual type may make her feel good around him. Until a woman is older and understands that she will tend to choose toward men who bring out unresolved feelings within her, she will keep leaning towards the ones who make her feel good, even if this is actually not what she is attrated to or what she needs.

As a woman matures, she tends to understand what she needs more and more and will end up being attracted to those types of men instead.

But anyway...back to what a man finds attractive...

I had said somewhat jokingly that my husband is attracted to me in this order:

*T*

*A*

*Heart*

This is only the beginning. First he sees you, notices your physical attributes, and then wants to talk to you. In the case of my husband and I believe many other men, by talking to you a man has a type of intuition that can see the quality of a woman's heart. Younger men may still go for a "bad girl" even though he knows instinctively she does not have a very pure heart, but a more mature man knows that a good heart is very valuable.

So if you pass those tests of a man's attraction, then there are more...

The next things my husband was attracted to about me were:

*Mind*

*Personality*

*Inner strength*

My mind is keen, I can make decisions, I'm not insecure. My personality is bold (not all men like this, but your personality will always be something they look at for their own preferences). My inner strength is obvious.

After that there are still more tests, so the next on my list as far as my husband's needs were:

*Willing to need him*

*Willing to support him*

*Ability to be faithful and honest*

By "willing to need him" I mean, he needs to feel needed and that he is providing me with something I need and want. I wasn't so independant that I would never be able to need him in anyway and that was attractive to him (other men may feel differently about this). Willing to support him means that I don't have a problem with his particular hobbies or his career, that I will be supportive of his personal choices and not pick at him or try to change him in those areas. Ability to be faithful and honest is obvious what it means, but my husband had a larger need than many men would have for this and boy was I tested on it. Luckily, I passed that one with flying colors.

And then finally, the final test that comes along is this one:

*Ability to put him in his place when necessary*

This one is a hard one to pass, because it means exactly what it says...WHEN NECESSARY. Knowing when a man NEEDS to be put in his place is hard. They test us, just like we test them. And they will test to see if we will put them in their place when NECESSARY, or just "whenever". A woman who wants to nag or bitch or control or change a man, is trying to put him under her thumb. This is totally different. This is not "when necessary". When necessary means literally, sometimes it is necessary for a man to know that he cannot get away with certain behavior in a relationship. Its sort of like being a very good boss or manager to a man. A man will respect his boss if he or she is good, and he will allow that boss to put him in his place, and then he will respect him/her all the more. A man will understand that he did something out of line and allow (even welcome) an authority putting him in his place when he needs it. Men don't hold a grudge about this when it is necessary and when it is done with authority and respectfully. So it is within a relationship with a strong man and a strong woman, she must be able to put him in his place when necessary, in a way that doesn't lose his respect. Its a tough thing to do, but when you really do it correctly, it makes a man go gaga for you.

And of course, I could talk about the same attraction women have for a strong man who can put her in her place too....but I've already talked a lot about that in the SSM forum. :0)

Cheers!

DQ

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Quote:
*Willing to need him*



My experience is that I only want her to be willing to need me WHEN I already want her to like me.

That is one women don't grasp. I have seen women on this site trying to get a man that is wayward to feel that she needs him.

That only irritates him MORE. The wanting her to need him goes hand in hand only with a woman he already wants or already is in love with. It doesn't work with a woman he has no interest in. HE is turned off by a woman who needs him when he doesn't want her.

Last edited by gucci loafer; 03/27/10 06:36 PM.
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That's why I ordered them the way I did. The order comes as a man gets to know you, still likes you, is still continuing to date you and headed toward a relationship with you. The list doesn't work out of order or in a relationship that has already gone bad.

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Quote:
And then finally, the final test that comes along is this one:

*Ability to put him in his place when necessary*



HUGE TRUTH..... Bingo..

That is one of the saddest things I see on this entire site.
So many women that just won't put a WS in his place.

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Originally Posted By: gucci loafer

That is one of the saddest things I see on this entire site.
So many women that just won't put a WS in his place.


Hey, Gucci... it took me a year being HERE, but I've got it! In fact, had to do it again this am! LOUD APPLAUSE! (for myself!)

Funny how he's quite eager to go run the errands we need done now! smile


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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Smart woman...

Once we know for sure that you WILL put us in our place and will NOT tolerate anything less than our best...

Guess what you get then?

OUR BEST....... My wife is the most gorgeous, sweetest, most giving woman I have ever met....

But if I EVER told her I wanted space or wanted out or had an affair....

It would be OVER.... for HER..

And I know it and will not take that risk... She makes me want to be a better man. She reads this site and is always amazed at the weakness of the women on here. How sad is what we both feel. Especially when we here the "I did everything I could to save my marriage" We say "no you didn't.. you didn't try getting tough and letting go as an option"

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And I don't mean putting us in our place by the typical nagging, yelling, screaming, silent treatment and the other things that don't work.

The smart woman has different methods that work far better.

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Originally Posted By: gucci loafer

The smart woman has different methods that work far better.


Would you elaborate please?


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