I was actually going to post a conversation I had with my neighbor (male, have known him forever and we are really good friends) in my other thread and ask the men for their opinions. Maybe it would be fitting to post here.
I am pretty self sufficient. I like to know how to do things. If I don't know how to do something I either ask somebody to teach me or look up instructions. The maintenance man in our building is also a good friend of mine and when I need something done he is really good about coming over and teaching me.
For the past few weeks I have been sort of home bound due to an infection and one can only work/study so much. I decided to really revamp my entire apartment. I moved furniture, refinished several pieces of furniture, installed a new faucet (with sprayer WOOT) in my kitchen, removed and made all new window treatments (I have huge floor to ceiling windows so this is no easy feat!). The maintenance man taught me to use his saw and he helped me make a storage unit for my office closet. I also cut a new leg for an old armoire I had to repair it. I also replaced (with minimal supervision!) the sconces in my office. I also made a container garden in the bay window in my breakfast room. I moved all my furniture and put several large pieces in storage.
Anyhow, I was telling my neighbor all of this and he started laughing and told me when I meet somebody new don't ever tell them all this stuff as it would be a turn off. He said that men would not like all of that. I asked him why? He just said I would need to wait a while to reveal to a new R how much I can take care of on my own.
Personally I found that to be an odd comment. So, men, do you agree? I am a girly girl... I LOVE to cook, am learning to sew, am a bit of a freak about cleaning/laundry and I like to do as much as I can on my own. IMO that is a good thing.
For a few days now his comments really have been bugging me. He didn't say them to be unkind but I think he was being pretty honest. He also said that somebody like me would probably be better off with a man at least 10 yrs. older than me.
Let me say that I have known my neighbor for 13 years, he is 52 and I am 35 and we are really good friends. Maybe it is our age difference but I just found the entire conversation to be really strange. I personally would be very happy with a man that knew how to do things on his own.
So, men, do you agree? I am a girly girl... I LOVE to cook, am learning to sew, am a bit of a freak about cleaning/laundry and I like to do as much as I can on my own. IMO that is a good thing.
Wanna get married? I think that is super sexy that you can do all that stuff. But that's me. I can imagine how it would be a problem for insecure men. I think I would like to work side by side with you rather than come home one day to see you put an entire addition on the house in a day..
Now, if you put on a baseball cap we may not get any work done.
As I chase down my issues I'm starting to realize why I always preferred women who were 'helpless' in a way or needed 'rescuing'. And it has everything to do with my poor self image, lack of self validating. It really boils down to - if she doesn't need me, why would she stay?
So I think in any situation if the people are not healthy adults they will be intimidated when the opposite sex can do or do better things they feel are valuable contributions which will make them feel 'needed'.
I'm making this stuff up as I go...lol.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Well, the one thing to keep in mind is somebody (my stepfather, the maintenance man) taught me to do this stuff. I mean, I am on my own so IMO when you don't have a partner then you just proceed on your own.
I would enjoy doing this stuff with a partner but right now that is not my life, yanno?
My H's philosophy was he works hard all day and he would prefer to pay somebody to do things so he can use his nights/weekends for fun and relaxing. My neighbor (the one I had the conversation with) is not in the best of health. He had a kidney transplant 20 years ago and is back on the list. He works long hours and basically knows where to conserve energy and also pays people to do quite a bit for him. In his case it makes sense because he is ill and knows his limits and has to work so he does the best he can.
I guess it got me thinking because that was one of my H's chief complaints... I was too independent.
I decided to really revamp my entire apartment. I moved furniture, refinished several pieces of furniture, installed a new faucet (with sprayer WOOT) in my kitchen, removed and made all new window treatments (I have huge floor to ceiling windows so this is no easy feat!). The maintenance man taught me to use his saw and he helped me make a storage unit for my office closet. I also cut a new leg for an old armoire I had to repair it. I also replaced (with minimal supervision!) the sconces in my office. I also made a container garden in the bay window in my breakfast room. I moved all my furniture and put several large pieces in storage.
Anyhow, I was telling my neighbor all of this and he started laughing and told me when I meet somebody new don't ever tell them all this stuff as it would be a turn off. He said that men would not like all of that. I asked him why? He just said I would need to wait a while to reveal to a new R how much I can take care of on my own.
Personally I found that to be an odd comment. So, men, do you agree?
Hell no! I think it's smokin' HAWT!!
It's like when a woman can hold her own talking about football, or -- better (as an indicator, anyway) -- hockey. A guy hears that and is just "God, that is SO attractive!"
There is nothing, to me, as attractive as competence. I know we're talking about "what attracts men to women" in this thread, but ladies if you ever want to fill your man's emotional bank account, just compliment him, not on his LOOKS, but on something he DOES WELL.
I thought this thread would be about "womanly" and "manly" behaviour and how you would feel like a man next to a woman and visa versa. Why are we talking savings accounts and small penises?
I know we're talking about "what attracts men to women" in this thread, but ladies if you ever want to fill your man's emotional bank account, just compliment him, not on his LOOKS, but on something he DOES WELL.
Puppy
Women like being complimented on their work too. Just don't turn it into a competition.
Actually, I think many women (myself included) *think* they know what men like but actually have no clue.
Obviously if you see somebody for the first time without speaking a word human nature is to notice physical attributes.
A really good friend of mine is marrying a woman who is drop dead stunning. And while she is nice to look at she is not very nice. His sisters, his friends, his co-workers have all tried to make friends with her and she won't have any part of it. Maybe behind closed doors he sees something we don't but looks can't be THAT important. When his dad died she got very upset when any female hugged him after the funeral. I don't get it. He is happy though so we are happy for him.
So I guess I don't really know what men like for the long haul.
