Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 15 1 2 3 4 5 14 15
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 964
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 964
these lists help in our 180s.
at least we know what we should work on.
i think often we lose sight of some of these things and we let ourselves go - and fart every once in a while. smile
but the list of things truly do help us see what we should be focusing on.
it's not necessarily to save our m but we should take care of ourselves for us. that in itself, will exude a confidence that men like.

i also believe that chemistry is a huge factor.
you can have all of these great qualities but if there is no chemistry, it won't happen.

someone needs to start a thread on what's attractive to women.

dumped.

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 118
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 118
Thats funny, Im seeing more of a trend towards a nice ass as being key to a healthy relationship.

And what is wrong with saving a damsel in distress? If my wife is hurting I want to be there for her. If she is being chased by a big dragon I hope she isnt wearing glass slippers and a nice pair of running shoes so she can get in front of me.

Even with the struggles that I am going through right now and the pain and hate my wife has caused me, I would still lay my life down on the line for her if needed.

I was raised by my mother to respect women and I hold this very deeply as one of my "boundaries". Even though I have stumbled a few times with this.

And if that is not acceptable in todays society well then todays society can just take a running leap off the nearest cliff.


M:40
W:40
D: 21
S: 18
D: 17
Md: 18 years
-1/19/2010 W wants out
-6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,831
mindfull,
Originally Posted By: mindfull
I have a male best friend that says, "Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder!"

Just a little funny.


Not "Just a little funny," but today's Belly-Laugh Of The Day Award! laugh laugh laugh


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 964
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 964
i know men don't find the b*tchy attitude attractive.
how does one fix that?
and yes, that is a serious question.

my problem is that men like women who can stand up for themselves.
i can stand up for myself but it comes off as being a b*tch.

i go through the lists that you've posted and despite having a lot of those qualities, i'm still the one who is dumped.

i attribute it to my b*tchy attitude when the man doesn't appreciate the things i do.
am i out of line when i don't want sex after you've hurt my feelings and didn't acknowledge it even though i blatantly said i was hurt?

breathe.

sorry.

had to get that off my chest.

now i'm just one bitter b*tch. thanks h.

dumped.

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 570
Y
Member
Offline
Member
Y
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 570
My views may not by typical, but I like......

A woman who doesn't have body self image problems to the point that it inhibits her ability to relax and enjoy sex with her partner. Some have called this confidence, but I view it as someone who has a true appreciation for sex and all it can do and mean in a relationship along with how much pleasure it can provide to each other.

A woman who really enjoys showing me and cherishing my enjoyment in receiving emotional love in my principal and secondary languages of love (Chapman, 5 Languages of Love). That is a woman who is proud of her skills as a woman in pleasing her man.

A woman who really enjoys receiving emotional love from me and provides me with opportunities to do so in her languages of love.

Someone who is interesting, intelligent, and who I can trust.

Someone who is or will be a good mother of our children

Someone who will take care of me and our home

Someone who values our relationship and is willing to be hurt occasionally so that we talk through problems in a way that brings us together for the long term. That is someone who does not withdraw or avoid problems when they have grown to a point that they need to be addressed. Someone who is committed to a relationship to make sure little things don't turn into big problems.

Someone who is willing to sacrifice current spending or extra work, or reduced quality time for a shared goal, whether that is a home, vacations, secure retirement, family that is well taken care of.

Someone who a man can be proud of in public and yet is adventurous in private and even likes to stretch/shock her man in private in ways she is willing to please him and experience life.

Someone who a man can absolutely count on to be there for him when life is hard or unfair and will work to build up his spirits.

Give most men a woman with the above qualities and it doesn't really matter if she is overweight, too skinny, her nose is too big or her breasts are too small, he will be in love with her, value her and sacrifice for her. At least that is my opinion.


>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,105
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,105
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
i know men don't find the b*tchy attitude attractive.
how does one fix that?
and yes, that is a serious question.

my problem is that men like women who can stand up for themselves.
i can stand up for myself but it comes off as being a b*tch.

i go through the lists that you've posted and despite having a lot of those qualities, i'm still the one who is dumped.

i attribute it to my b*tchy attitude when the man doesn't appreciate the things i do.
am i out of line when i don't want sex after you've hurt my feelings and didn't acknowledge it even though i blatantly said i was hurt?

breathe.

sorry.

had to get that off my chest.

now i'm just one bitter b*tch. thanks h.

dumped.


You can be ALL those things that are attractive to your spouse; but if they are in an A, they will NOT feel attracted to you.

and, no...you're not out of line for not wanting sex after being hurt... It's his personality that doesn't accept it...I've been guilty of that in the past as well...DAM disease!!


Current Thread
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 964
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 964
i think that's a great post.
i agree with the points in theory.
but it has to come from both sides.
a man can list all of his wants but he must also be willing to give in the relationship.
what will you bring to the table in exchange for all of these 'wants'?

the problem i have experienced is that i've done a lot of giving and exhibited many of the things you've listed.

but in the end, i grew tired of giving all the time.
intimacy has been cited as a reason for our incompatibility.
but really.
when h hurts me and doesn't acknowledge my feelings, is it my fault that i don't want sex?
if you make me feel like i'm just a one-night-stand, do you think i will continue to be intimate with you?
no.

the funny thing is.
i took the language of love test and my love language is touch.
i love the hugs, cuddling, i love it when my h touches me.
yet, h thinks intimacy is not a priority or a passion for me.
in reality, it is a passion and priority for me.
i just don't like being treated like a one-night-stand and i don't feel close to h when he hurts my feelings.

is that so wrong of me?

dumped.

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 374
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 374
the "bitchy" attitude or nagging attitude are definate turn-offs.

chemistry....or the "spark" needs to be constantly nourished by both parties as well - so i add to my list

a woman who can devote herself to me.


M-37 W-36
S-11, S-9, D-4
PA exposed 3/13/10
10/19/10 moving on...
most up to date sit
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 964
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 964
Quote:
a woman who can devote herself to me.

be careful of that statement.
sometimes it will come off as being needy and clingy.

dumped.

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 118
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 118
One thing I think needs to be added to this thread. Some men are just assholes who no woman in the world can please. You see these guys at kids soccer matches yelling at coaches, other players, their own kids etc. They then go home and down a 12 pack of Pabst and beat the dog out of frustration.Then they go into the closet and grab a porn mag wishing the wife they are with could be one of these photoshopped bimbos.

I read some of the stories on this board and I see true men and women who have made sacrifices for the ones the love but have slipped and stumbled along the way and causes a rift in the marriage. I see it in my own life.

Get right down to it, some people marry for the wrong reasons and usually someone gets hurt. Its all a matter of finding the right person I guess.

As an example (and no Im not hitting on her) I read Prairie girls story and so want to reach out and smack her husband upside the head for doing the things he is doing to her without realizing what he has. And I am sure there are others that if they knew my wife would want to reach out and smack me upside the head.

But this goes both ways. Sometimes people are just not ment to be together and [censored] happens. But what we all seem to be trying to do here is be the best that we can be, so either our marriage will come back together, or the next relationship will work out better.


M:40
W:40
D: 21
S: 18
D: 17
Md: 18 years
-1/19/2010 W wants out
-6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
Page 3 of 15 1 2 3 4 5 14 15

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard