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My thoughts are with you too man, ever sign up for those martial arts classes?


You know, I was leaning towards bjj because it was something I could do with S10 and S12, but frankly it's just too dangerous right now with the dynamics between STBXW and S10. As for something just for me, I'm liking km, but I need to find a bona fide instructor for it. But with money tight and all the balls I have in the air right now- it ain't happening anytime soon.

I'll put to you this way: I think I'm going to wind up get laid by some hot babe before I get serious about any ma/mma. grin Definitely looking forward to getting back to playing a few of my Barry White favorites. "Can't get enough of your love Babe" is certainly one that comes to mind. laugh


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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BigJohn,
Originally Posted By: BigJohn
Definitely looking forward to getting back to playing a few of my Barry White favorites. "Can't get enough of your love Babe" is certainly one that comes to mind. laugh
Ah, Barry White. A guilty pleasure I don't often admit to!!


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Gardener #1965124 03/23/10 03:37 PM
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Hard to believe that it's been 13 days since my last post on my thread. I have been busy with 'life' and spending time doing things, and work, vs staying on the board for longer times.

Miss some of you all though, so stopping back in once in a while to check in on you, and see how things are going.

I am finding as time passes, I am doing better, and stbxw is less and less in my thoughts. Sleeping better, working on me, doing things I want to do, working on myself etc.

A long way to go, but making progress.

At times things come up, and they set you back. I spent the first weekend without d9 this past weekend due to scheduled trip that I had planned for me over the weekend. That will be 13 days of time that I have not seen d9 when I pick her up next weekend. This brings up.
- Feelings of pain, as my d9 is taken out of my daily life by the actions of others, and there is nothing you can do about it
- Feelings of guilt for not being there because of the above for d9
- Feeling that d9 is slipping out of my life..

I call her every night, and a couple of times already she has sighed before getting on the phone, as I know she doesn't always want to talk at times.

All these things above are ok and normal to think about, so just marking them down, as other people will have them or will be having them as well. I accept that, and will work through it.

I am doing well, and happy, and have been busy, so don't want the above journaling to get you all thinking I am down! I am looking forward to this coming spring and summer, and some warmer weather!


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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I call her every night, and a couple of times already she has sighed before getting on the phone, as I know she doesn't always want to talk at times.
That is tough. I've been lucky so far in that I get to see them after school every day for an hour. So I've only had maybe one stretch last summer that I didn't see them. That was five days. Otherwise the longest has been three.

If W gets her way, I'd be down to about 10 days a month. I know it's less for others.

I just have to trust in the process that my history of being more of an everyday presence than W and having a career more conducive to family stuff will work in my favor.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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So, I have a question for my fellow DB'ers.

Is it common for the WAW to race right into another relationship, and 'replace' the LBS in there life?

I just got my daughters newsletter which had an update on a fundraiser her class and stbxw helped with at school, and her new BF's company was also involved in helping with my daughters fundraiser. It's totally not a related company, so obvious that her new BF was there and involved.

I must say, that hurts, and I know there is nothing I can do about it, or who she brings into d9's life, but it seems awfully fast to jump to that level.

I am just trying to understand it, and maybe I can't but looking for other people's thoughts, or if you have noticed similar from your waw's...


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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iwitw,
Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
Is it common for the WAW to race right into another relationship, and 'replace' the LBS in there life?... I am just trying to understand it, and maybe I can't but looking for other people's thoughts, or if you have noticed similar from your waw's...
I have no experience, per se. Despite early suspicions, I have never seen any hard evidence that there was an OM before X left or in the sixteen months since.
I'm chiming in on your question because I remember/wrote down some statistics/study I read online somewhere the day I stumbled across this site. The last statistic is the only thing I've ever seen on this:

- 87% of couples who formally separate - or one Walks Away - never reconcile.
- 5 yrs later over 90% of them reported wishing they had reconciled and being unhappier overall
- Of the 13% that did reconcile, over 90% of them were glad they did and were happier overall 5 yrs later
- In the majority of WAHs there already was an OW
- In the majority of WAWs there was no OM.
- In the majority of WAWs, however there was an OM within 3 - 6 mos. of Walking Away.

fwiw. Like I've said, I've seen no evidence of OM in my sitch, but regarding that last statistic, exactly 4 months into what she called not a separation, just a "temporary respite" she asked for 1 month of zero contact at the end of which she asked for a D, ended MC, got our joint Cell Phone plan separated into two accounts and kind of fell off the face of the earth for a while.

Who knows? You can drive yourself crazy with this stuff.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Quote:
Who knows? You can drive yourself crazy with this stuff.


That's the truth G-man! But that is not my intent, at all. I realize that for me, it's just painful to see someone integrated into my d9's life or partially at least, so quickly, while I feel I am being less and less involved with d9's life now..

For me, now, I am ok that stbxw is with OM. I know that I will find someone at some point for myself, but would like to think I would not integrate them in d9's life so quickly, nor without informing my stbxw that I intended to do so.

I would not do that out of spite, or malice, I just feel that my d9's mom would deserve to know if someone in my life at a higher than friend level would be interacting with d9.

I mean we are not even divorced technically yet! Maybe that doesn't make a difference to d9 as we have been separated for 6 months now...

Guess I am being somewhat judgmental when I am trying not to be, so, again, nothing I can do about this, and I am dealing with the thoughts that are bringing on the sadness of this...


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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iwitw
Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
Quote:
Who knows? You can drive yourself crazy with this stuff.
That's the truth G-man! But that is not my intent, at all. I realize that for me, it's just painful to see someone integrated into my d9's life or partially at least, so quickly, while I feel I am being less and less involved with d9's life now..
Please don't think I was being dismissive or making light of it with my last two sentences you quoted. Actually, that's something I used to say to myself quite often (and still do at times). I certainly understand and appreciate the pain you're feeling re: d9.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Hey IWITW.

Just realize, often, that what she does has NOTHING to do with you. It is because of her! I know it hurts, but when these thoughts cross your mind...realize what I've told you is the truth.
If any other woman we see is with a man, or we know they have a man...what does it mean to us? NOTHING! What does it have to do with us? NOTHING!


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Hey Gardener, no worries man, I know what you were saying, especially coming from you! You have and are a stand up guy, and I would never take anything as a negative that you say. I was more agreeing with you in my reply.. smile


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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