Start of the end..

[ClingingToHope]

I'm the anti-Antlers. There are no real assets. W ran up $15k in credit card debt the past three years. She tried to shop her way out of depression and I was worried about making things worse and didn't stand up and stop it.

We had a flood in 2007 and had to refinance everything and gut my retirement to fix the house. So we are mortgaged to the hilt and now the house's value has dropped $15k because of the real estate bubble.

So my attorney and I discussed bankruptcy briefly because even if W ends having to give me a chunk on the debt, the only real assets I'll get are from her retirement and it likely won't be enough to get me out of debt.

So he's taking a low-key approach to this case because he knows there's not much to grab.

I've been preparing myself for the worst-case scenario -- foreclosure, bankruptcy -- so anything better than that is a bonus.

W? I'm not sure. We don't talk about it. The girls give hints here and there. They want a puppy but she told them she doesn't have $100 to spare. Stuff like that.

I've really wondered how she got the $1,000 for the retainer to file in the first place. I'm guessing her mom. But that's not much help. W's little sister has drained about $25k from their mom through CC bills, DUIs and now going back to college at 35.

So if this gets ugly, her mom doesn't have much left to help. And as far as I can tell, there's no sugar daddy out there.

What your prospects for improving your situation?

W makes more than me and I'm still not looking at a promotion for a while. I reached out to friends and co-workers and found a weekend job in the summer where I'll make $2,500 to $3,500 depending on how much I work. Over the winter, I was the official scorekeeper at a high school where a friend of mine is the head boys basketball coach. I worked at 25 events and made more than $1,000 and it kept me from laying on the couch and watching TV.

[iwantittowork]

Hey CTH and Ant, thanks for checking in.

Been a tough up and down weekend, I feel at my core that this past interaction with stbxw was a real problem, and could come back to really haunt me. I feel really bad about 5 minutes of something that I did, that was not a moral thing to do, and broke a boundary really of hers, and she knows it. There is legal jeopardy there as well, so I think I'll need to discuss it with the L tomorrow.

As far as assets, we really have little now, due to bad investments, of which stbxw is disclaiming any involvement with them, saying I was 'controlling' and would have done what I wanted anyways regardless of what she said.

To me, it's like talking to a crazy person at this point, take the current above position. I would have never invested our time, money, and future without her consent, which she gave, as we discussed it many times, and the implications of doing so. I recall clearly one day really leaning against it, sitting her down for a minute, which interrupted her workout, but she did anyways, and telling her I was really worried about this investment. Her response was, you worry to much about this stuff, and everything will work out, plans are in place, and everything works out in the end for a reason.

I left from that sit down with her, and called my partner and gave it the go ahead. How would you characterize that as me being 'controlling and manipulative' and 'never involving her' in any decision making, nor giving any thought or credit to her feelings on things, or our life plans, etc?

It doesn't matter now, but it's tough to listen to her now disavow any connection to any decision we ever had, or made..

Anyways, I am trying to let go of outcomes here, and just live day to day. Get by on what I have, and enjoy my d9, and friends and family that I have. That's about all I can do, I may at some point need to declare bankruptcy, or have 3-5 years of destroyed credit to recoup.

I am trying to not think of myself as 'over the hill' at 40 right now, and hope that someday I find someone who is my partner that is missing at the moment. We'll see.

I thought popped into my head today that saddened me, there are things that you don't often think about with regard to D, but once in a while pop up.

I was proud of the fact that my stbxw was able to know my grandparents before they passed away, as they meant a whole lot to my life, and where 'second parents' to me, and they were whom gave us the opportunity that we had financially to even make some investments.

I'll still have the memories, but anyone in my future won't get a chance to know those incredible people, other than my collection of thoughts, articles, memories. Kind of tears me up a bit to think about that..

[Gardener]

iwitw

I am trying to not think of myself as 'over the hill' at 40 right now - Hey!! Watch that!! - and hope that someday I find someone who is my partner that is missing at the moment. We'll see.

Although she tragically and inexplicably checked out and WAS'd last year, I met my beloved pre-alien Janet at 40. And the absolute best and blessed 16 years of my life followed!

And, iwitw, in case you haven't already experienced this at oh, say, 25 or 30 or any age, take good care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and there is no "over the hill."

Proof: tell me honestly: aren't you really, not-so-deep-down the same person and feel like the same person you were at 18? 20?

So there.

[iwantittowork]

Proof: tell me honestly: aren't you really, not-so-deep-down the same person and feel like the same person you were at 18? 20?

Good lord, I hope NOT.. That's only partially facetious Gardener, I understand where you are coming from.

Yes, I am still an honest, caring, somewhat (Well at times...) intelligent person and in my mind I still look like when I was 25. Of course, then I look in the mirror and go, oh yeah, I am certainly NOT 25 anymore... LOL

I don't want to keep repeating the mistakes I keep making though, so that's a work in progress.

Update from me today, I spoke to L and gave him every detail of information I have, he assures me I am not in jeopardy, so I will trust his word.

I will be speaking to stbxw about anything substantive via email and copying my attorney on communications from now on.

To that, I need to update health insurance and need information on doc's etc, so I sent questions to stbxw. One thing that came up was how to handle stepsons, she didn't include there doctors info in my request, and I feel that it is unfair to them not to keep them on until we get D'd. They will likely have to come off when we D, and I do have mixed feelings about it, but will cover them until this is through.

[iwantittowork]

One other thing. Pretrial court date has been scheduled for May 28th.

My 41st Birthday.

Is there some kind of cosmic joker out there that is just effing with me at this point?????

I hope that day comes and gives me some forward movement. That would be a good birthday gift to get, I suppose..

[Gardener]

iwitw,

Of course, then I look in the mirror and go, oh yeah, I am certainly NOT 25 anymore... LOL

Tell me about it. After 16 months post-bomb I tell people, "Last year I was 55. This year, I look 60-62!"

I don't want to keep repeating the mistakes I keep making though, so that's a work in progress.

Simple mantra for ya: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."

Update from me today, I spoke to L and gave him every detail of information I have, he assures me I am not in jeopardy, so I will trust his word.
I will be speaking to stbxw about anything substantive via email and copying my attorney on communications from now on.

Well, that's good news from L. And although X and I are not contentious, I still am mulling over the idea of telling her I've decided that unless it's urgent or an emergency, she is to contact me by email, not phone. Just sick of hearing her.

[BigJohn]

IWITW,

Just checking in and catching up on your posts. How you doing my friend? I've got my hands full right now so apologize for not popping in sooner.

I really like the fact that you keep restating your goals/objectives- that's good and it's healthy. I know it's tough but you just have to forget about what STBXW is up to with the numb nuts new BF. For Pete's sake, I hope you are now done reading this woman's emails! All you do is just hurt yourself when you do that.

If it's any solace, my STBXW's L is dragging his feet through the process as well and it's p*ssing me off. Now that I'm done with all the hurt and BS from my STBXW I just want to finish up and start fresh.

Hang in there- you are in my thoughts.

[iwantittowork]

Simple mantra for ya: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."

Clearly understood at this point, no doubt, and I repeat something similiar to myself daily..

she is to contact me by email, not phone. Just sick of hearing her.

I think as lbs this is actually better for us, NC gives us time to focus on ourselves, and email is as close to NC as we can get for most things, as it's not immediate, can be delayed to work through an emotion, etc.

Thanks again for checking in Gardener, hope all is well with ya!

[iwantittowork]

[qoute]How you doing my friend? I've got my hands full right now so apologize for not popping in sooner.[/quote]

Sorry to hear BJ, and hope you can update us on your sitch, so we can chime in and lend some support, as you have lent yours to us.

Strangely, I am doing well today, very good emotionally, and not quite sure why, but just going with it. Feel pretty good. Better count it as a good day, and just go with it!

For Pete's sake, I hope you are now done reading this woman's emails!

Was done as soon as I did it, never looked before or after that 5 minutes of my life that I can't get back, nor have had the urge to. I emailed her weeks ago to take over her email management, change her passwords, etc, and left it at that. I won't ever know if she has, but don't care too...

Now that I'm done with all the hurt and BS from my STBXW I just want to finish up and start fresh.

Boy do I ever know how you feel. I just want some kind of finality, or at least a finish line in site, so I can just move on with MY life, and do the things I want to do with what I have left.

My thoughts are with you too man, ever sign up for those martial arts classes?

[antlers]

To me, it's like talking to a crazy person at this point.

Yep, I know EXACTLY what you mean!