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Don't blame yourself, she is obviously shy. I guess all you can do is continue to be friendly and hopefully the next woman will be outgoing!


"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn

Suzy
M: 6/22/85; D: 1/31/08
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Thanks again for your comments, and I am still working on myself on those issues.

So, tomorrow we were scheduled for our Pre Trial conference, and now stbxw's L has asked to postpone due to family issues.

Great, so now that is getting pushed to April some time hopefully.

I am really struggling with anger this week, Monday AM was snow/sleet/rain, and I had to bring d9 back to school, and then to work in a car that shouldn't really be driven in the rain, let alone the snow, as I can't afford to fix the other car yet, and now that car has an engine problem, was misfiring in the rain.

I spent 3+ hours in the car commuting and trying to keep the car running so I can get to work to pay for my stbxw current lifestyle and a place where I can live with d9.

I was so angry I was shaking when I got to work, and glad that I had IC and Group IC yesterday so I could just vent.

I so do not want to be angry and bitter, and trying to fight that as best I can, and now we are getting delayed again. Tough to take.


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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You know, this really is the most unbearable crud at times.

So just got email from Attorney, and the first thing that grabs you is the subject.

"My Lastname Vs. My Lastname" Bizarre.

Then to read the letter to find out they rescheduled my Pretrial conference smack in the middle of May instead of April when I am scheduled for 3 weeks of work in Australia.

I want to effing scream at times....


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
You know, this really is the most unbearable crud at times.


Yep, it is.

Read something earlier today that said "the best way to say 'I love you God', is to live your life doing your best. The best way to say 'thank you God', is by letting go of the past and living in the present moment, right here and now." It went on to say that whatever life takes away from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the life that is happening right now.

Maybe it'll be easier to do after we get through the "crud" that you mentioned.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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I swear, how much can one person take of this crap..

So, now I have to try and convince my stbxw to make a change in health care plans, of which I am on a restraining order so need her consent, or my cost for health care for the family is going up 100% this year.

What do you think the odds of that happening?

I don't even want to talk to her at all, let alone try and convince her to try and save me some money..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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IWITW,
With the delay mad and that commute eekangry and bitter would seem appropriate.

Don't "fight" them. Express them, vent them, scream them out somewhere safe.

Last edited by Gardener; 03/03/10 02:47 AM.

Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Thanks G man.

Been venting a lot, here on the boards, to family, and hope to not wear out your welcome with all that venting...

Tough to do.

So, I have emailed the stbxw in a non confrontational way, but also not groveling, but to what equates to groveling in my mind, that in her infinite kindness she will agree with me and elect to change our medical plan so I don't have to pay 100% more this year.

We'll see how that goes.... eek


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Well, stbxw has replied that we can change our health insurance.

But, got into a email back and forth about taxes, which will be benefited by the investment properties she now disavows any interest in, and there is no surprise, that if there's money coming back, she wants that..

I probably slipped a bit from there, and said she knows she was involved from the start, and that I would not have agreed without her consent on them, to which her reply was that because I was a controlling person and she had little say in anything.

This to me is just rewriting. I asked her opinions, thoughts, feelings on stuff like this, and trusted that when she agreed it was the truth from her.

I just ended it there, and said I can see how you feel that way, and I could see how she would.

I know I tagged on something I shouldn't have, that she has her new life and boyfriend now, so she can do as she pleases. Why, I don't know. Probably because it hurts so much. Why does it have to be so tough that when you hurt, you have to lash back at times.

Stupid. I wonder if I will ever learn...


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
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I had to go workout to reset myself. Feel a bit better now, and need to refocus again on myself, and not stbxw.

I am grateful for the things I have.
- A beautiful and loving daughter.
- A great company to work for, with phenomanal pay and benefits, great personel and many friends
- A
I am a decent person.
I deserve a loving relationship with a beautiful woman who loves me as much as well.
I deserve to lead the best life that I can, for me and the people who are want to be in my life


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
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Carrying my goals forward again, to refocus on myself..

Goals -
D9
- Continue to find things to do with d9, while she is here with me.
- Continue solidifying my relationship with d9, discussion of feelings, acceptance for who she is, unconditional love. Already meeting this goal!!
- Call as close to every night that I can. I am meeting this goal, and glad that I can talk to her as much as possible, if only for 5 minutes a day at this point - Already in Progress.
- Over the next few months find more groups to meet up with that have kids in mind to do things, find new friends in my new neighborhood, and new friends that d9 can connect with as well.

Fitness -
Goal - Reduce my body fat content to lowest level I can, and get into as good a physical shape as I can, or actually have ever been.
- First, acknowledge that I have done a lot here in the past year, lost 50 lbs, and gotten back to 190lbs.
- Eat healthier, and learn more about nutrition to take my fitness to a higher level.
- Exercise - Continue 2 days a week BJJ training, and possibly add the 'Strength and Condition' 1 weekly workout IN PROGRESS
-- Weight loss is not my goal, but fat loss now, and conversion to lean muscle IN PROGRESS
- Regular and scheduled dentist and doctor visits for checkups. GOAL MET LAST YEAR!!

Personal-
- Continue IC on at least bi-weekly basis. Investigate if new IC would be good fit and crossover to further personal growth
- Continue Group C weekly to increase my intimate relationship building
-- Reduce anxiety, feelings of worthlessness and work on feeling that I DO deserve great relationships with people that respect and appreciate me.

Relationships
- I know what type of women I would like in my life. Tall, athletic, blond or auburn hair with similar yet different interests.
-- Work on feelings that I do deserve relationship with the type of woman that I want in my life, and I am worthy of a good relationship.
-- Don't settle for someone or something just because they are available, and I don't want to be alone.


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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