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Joined: Apr 2015
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good to know there is hope and there are success stories! continued success to your marriage!

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GH31,

I have been reading through your old threads, I believe I am on Thread 9. I don't know how you did it. I know you don't come on here very often, but how did you have the patience to deal with everything?


Me:33, WW:30
BD:12/14/16, EA
no children
Still together
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 682
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Originally Posted By: KCRoo
GH31,

I have been reading through your old threads, I believe I am on Thread 9. I don't know how you did it. I know you don't come on here very often, but how did you have the patience to deal with everything?


Hi KCRoo,

Thanks for dropping by. The honest answer to your question is that I have absolutely no idea. None.

I have no idea at all where I found the strength, patience and perseverance. I'm not sure if I'd even recommend people to hang on like I did because it came at a great personal cost. I struggled with PTSD-like symptoms for years afterwards and I regard my 30s as my "lost decade". I lost so much of myself in all of that and had to completely rebuild, both the marriage and me personally.

Hope this helps. Fighting for your marriage is worth it if you want it, and have the strength.

GH31


Me: 44
W: 44
T: 21
M: 19
DS11
DD10
DS3

W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W back for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
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Originally Posted By: GH31
Another thing I would add to this:

Third child expected April 2017

wink

Congrats - not sure if you wrote this in this thread or not!
So just bringing it over here!


Me-67, D35,S34
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Originally Posted By: Cadet
Originally Posted By: GH31
Another thing I would add to this:

Third child expected April 2017

wink

Congrats - not sure if you wrote this in this thread or not!
So just bringing it over here!


I hadn't mentioned it at all on this thread. Still can't believe we're having a third.


Me: 44
W: 44
T: 21
M: 19
DS11
DD10
DS3

W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W back for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 105
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Well it gives me hope to see that you made it through a dire situation. Congrats on the new GH31


Me:33, WW:30
BD:12/14/16, EA
no children
Still together
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 682
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A bit of an update to my situation.

Beautiful baby boy born last week smile

Mrs GH31 is extremely brave to put herself through that a third time. He's absolutely adorable - absolutely loved to bits by his mother, father, older sister and older brother.


Me: 44
W: 44
T: 21
M: 19
DS11
DD10
DS3

W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W back for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 209
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I absolutely love this post. I'm going to read through everything this week.

Thanks, GH31.


Me: 52
Her: 48
2D 26 & 16
M: 25 years (together 30)
EA/discovered by accident Valentines day 2016
Admitted SOME physical but no IC.
We know that's a lie.
Status - tryin to R
Joined: Aug 2017
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GH31,

I hope you are still lurking. I really enjoyed reading your updates after you and your W decided to recon.

I must agree with you that there isn't much here for recon and tools to help process thru it. I would really like more on this topic. I have a few questions, if you don't mind helping.

I also think, I'm going to have to take a break from here, I don't want to because I feel obligated to help, since I received so much wonderful help, but I can tell that coming here affects my mood, reading all the hurt, pain, and trauma caused in today's Ms.

I also want to say, that all I wanted was my W back while DBing, Now i'm lost to why I feel like running all the time. I think I have been emotionally scared, and probably have PTSD from her A. But I want to move past this.

How long did it take you to get over your W A?

What tools did you use to help you heal?

How do you see your W now?

Do you ever still get remainders/flashbacks?

Why do I focus so much on her A, and not understand how much pain I caused also?

I want so much to love my W and find a way to move pass all of this, but my mind and emotions are all over the place.

Looking for some help from another DB that has gone thru the fire.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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Hello joejoe

Originally Posted by joejoe1
I hope you are still lurking.

I come here every now and again.

Originally Posted by joejoe1
How long did it take you to get over your W A?

Years. I am 42 now, turning 43 in a couple of months. I look at my 30s as a lost decade.

Originally Posted by joejoe1
What tools did you use to help you heal?

In the early years post bomb it was booze, going out with friends and essentially reliving "wild times" in my 20s which I didn't experience back then.

Surfing.

Having laughs with my friends at work. They were a lifeline.

Then when the babies came I poured myself into being a father.

Originally Posted by joejoe1
How do you see your W now?

Hard to say.

The woman I married and fell in love with is back. Her memory of events back then seems sketchy at best. Every now and then I have brought something up in passing and her memory of it seems vague.

On the rare occasions when I get angry with her I start thinking about the things which happened 10 years ago.

Originally Posted by joejoe1
Do you ever still get remainders/flashbacks?

Sometimes. Much less often now.

Originally Posted by joejoe1
Why do I focus so much on her A, and not understand how much pain I caused also?

Because being cheated on is a huge deal.

If your wife has banged another man it will unleash emotions you never realised you could have in you.

How much pain did you cause? I caused my wife a lot of pain, I was always aware of how much, even though there were times I felt like finishing her off.

Originally Posted by joejoe1
Looking for some help from another DB that has gone thru the fire.


Hope I could help.

Best,
GH31


Me: 44
W: 44
T: 21
M: 19
DS11
DD10
DS3

W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W back for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
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