It doesn't belong in Newcomers altough I'm not entirely convinced it belongs here either.
My wife are from Sydney, Australia and have been to absolute hell and back over the past 2 years with her PA/EA that started in January 2008. We have put each other through various hells beforehand - me being the culprit mainly with my anger, selfishness and verbal abuse. I was a pretty nasty piece of work to live with from time to time in the early years of our marriage and I regret this terribly.
My DB story begins in March 2008 and the entire tale is to be found here:
At the time of writing my wife and I are sleeping in the same bed, do everything together on weekends and when I'm home from work, have a sexual relationship and spend lots of time together with our baby son. He was born in December 2009 and I have confirmed with a DNA test that he is mine. W knows I have done this.
Things are far from perfect.
I will write more on here soon.
Best to all of you here in Piecing.
Me: 44 W: 44 T: 21 M: 19 DS11 DD10 DS3
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I know exactly how you feel (except for the sex part-LOL). I think the way of thinking, the range of emotions triggered are very common among the ones that have faced infidelity and the associated lying. Focus on the goal. K
Unfortunately, it's impossible to have a good marriage feeling the way you do, you know, the dog faeces part. Somehow you have to find a way to really forgive her. And of course, she can't just get away with no remorse, either. The longer this stuff goes unresolved, the more difficult it gets to deal with. I know she refuses counseling completely. But the two of you have real work to do if you are going to stay together for your son.
Agreed with Lotus. Some of these feelings, will eventually pass in time as you reinvest in one another and you begin to feel more comfortable (ie-secure) in her presence. Will they ever go away? I don't think so, but I don't mean that in a bad way, for me so far, it helps keep me strong to remember what I've endured and chose to never endure again, at anybody's hand.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11