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Hey G'Man..

Do you know your voice changes when you GAL? I heard it when you called. It was GAL time for me, too.

So what if the first three places I recommended were closed! Hanging out at an old school pizza parlor was nice. What was neat was being direct. Like you having no interest in going to Starbucks and you needed to gnosh. And me sharing that I couldn't eat because I was still stuffed from lunch. Being straightforward is a beautiful thing. Yay... lots of personal growth and being comfortable in our own skin.

And.. now that your divorce is finalized so much tension and worry have lifted from your face and posture. Like the garden being prepared for spring, the harshness of winter thawed.

Oh yes.. and thanks for suggesting I use a derivation of your name when you call. What an unexpected relief that is. Who'd a thunk a friend would have the same name as the former spouse? What an unexpected relief that is.

Have a great day.

*hugs*


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Quote:
Conn. and Mass. are pretty close (even from Southwestern Conn., where I am). Where are you?


I am in the south shore Boston area, maybe we can get an Northeast group together or something some day!


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Hey, G-Woman!
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
Hey G'Man..

Do you know your voice changes when you GAL? I heard it when you called. It was GAL time for me, too....And.. now that your divorce is finalized so much tension and worry have lifted from your face and posture. Like the garden being prepared for spring, the harshness of winter thawed.
And I saw, heard - and mostly felt - a completely different you: more outwardly relaxed, animated, vivacious. There was a greater, more evident demeanor of fun all about you.
"Yays" all around!
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
Oh yes.. and thanks for suggesting I use a derivation of your name when you call. What an unexpected relief that is. Who'd a thunk a friend would have the same name as the former spouse? What an unexpected relief that is.
Yeah, that works out perfectly, doesn't it?


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Gardener,

I now live in Bridgeport. Nice apartment building. Better than what I lived in in Iraq, but not quite as nice as my old house in Fairfield!

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Originally Posted By: Gardener
Tonight's quick journaling of today's recurring thoughts.

I don't miss her.
I don't miss interacting with her.
I don't miss being married to who she became.
I don't miss living with her.
I like living alone.


That sounds good Gardener, and thanks for posting it and giving me more glimpses of my future. I know when we met you said you did a lot of talking, but it was GOOD for me!


M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09
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Tonight's quick journaling of today's recurring thoughts.

Actively, determinedly thinking positively works. And grows.

As I told my IC last week, "I keep wondering when this NMA will 'go away' and 'become' more of a PMA." And then I realized what a passive stance that was! A waiting for instead of a making happen.

So, fifteen months of pain, negative thoughts and victimhood, begone!
It's working. But it's a constant effort to be aware of the automatic and instantly reframe it with something positive or with its exact opposite. It'll take time. But it's begun.

I feel good about myself, my life, my future.

A couple of recurring painful moments today as I realized - felt - how much I miss my stepson and stepdaughter!


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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You are on the right track. Hang in there, and it will get easier.

I am forcing myself to re-focus on positive things when I find myself slipping back into a sad feeling. And, it is helping.


Me 43, S11, D7
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And I almost forgot today's decision.

As I still occasionally ponder the history of my sitch and as I anticipate visiting my best-friend-since-kindergarten this weekend (who knows the entire story), I have decided to re-frame - and to condense - my sitch in my thoughts and in my words:

"What happened?"

"She left.
Her word, promises, commitments and vows ultimately meant nothing. Period."


That's it. That's all. All else is commentary,


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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That's a good way to phrase it. People asked me what happened and I start talking and talking and talking.

So I'll try the Gardener editing trick.

"What happened?"

"Three years ago she woke up and decided she didn't love me anymore. She spent most of the rest of the time pushing me away, convincing herself it was for my best interest. The "love til death do us part" thing ultimately meant nothing."

Stole that last part from you. What do you think?


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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I'm not even inclined to say that much. Unless it is a really, really close friend, it really isn't their business. More likely to say, things happened, and this is where it had to end up.

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