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Goldey,

I don't now why, but I still feel drawn to Oregon or maybe Washington.

I hope to visit Eugene this spring or fall.

Journaling,

Today - all - day, I felt positive. Was surprised by not feeling sad at all. Actually, to word it more accurately, I was surprised how "not sad " I did feel (if that subtle difference makes any sense).

I also noticed myself feeling complete.

I am enough.


Last edited by Gardener; 02/13/10 03:00 AM.

Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Makes perfect sense to me. Glad you are having a good day.


Me 43, S11, D7
M13
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Gardner, I lived in that corner for a big portion of my life. Dad still lives in Seattle in the same house where I grew up. (It's too crowded for me now. ) School in Bellingham. Liked it. Olympia is nice too. But Eugene...Dude!! Dog studied art there. Bikes. Track. Pre. Lots of good memories.

Thought about moving to Portland after school but went to AK and have here since. (Too much winter). Go visit the NW this spring.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Gardener, I'll be joining you here shortly. I think I'll move forums when the D is filed. I've received the paperwork, it just hasn't officially gotten to court yet.

Keep chugging along.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
http://tiny.cc/thread2
http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu
http://tinyurl.com/thread4
http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6
http://tinyurl.com/thread6
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o'd,
Originally Posted By: orangedog
But Eugene...Dude!!
This is an endorsement, right? Tell me more! (or recommend any resources you may know of).
Originally Posted By: orangedog
Thought about moving to Portland after school but went to AK and have here since. (Too much winter). Go visit the NW this spring.
AK! I'm envious, yet at the same time,I don't know if I could do it (AK). Too removed, psychologically and geographically, for me, somehow.

The whole Pacific Northwest attraction fits in with the "by the book" discussion we had as well as some extreme GAL/180ing on my part. Also, a strong component of Kismet and Karma at work, here. Will explain another time.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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CTH,
Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
Gardener, I'll be joining you here shortly. I think I'll move forums when the D is filed. I've received the paperwork, it just hasn't officially gotten to court yet. Keep chugging along.
You, too.

I came over here kind of part time a few weeks back to "taper off" from Newcomers (in terms of my own sitch/thread, that is).


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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journaling,
Today's recurring thought was that I am becoming quite apathetic to being divorced (see "complete" comment from yesterday).

However,*
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
As a former AWAW, I can tell you that fear of losing her will show on you and it will be a turn-off to her. I believe that regardless of what WAW say to their LBH, they truly want to see him show strength and leadership.
I sometimes have wondered what might may have happened if I found DB sooner than 7 months post-bomb.
I spent 7 months doing all the formulaically wrong things! Pleading, weeping, walking on eggshells, being remote and acquiescent to keep her from moving further away. Assuming it must be faults/flaws, lackings in me.
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
*My H was a nice guy but it was more his passive ways that made me so angry with him. He was so "nice" and so passive with me that I just wanted to slap him to get some other kind of reaction from him.

Although, I didn't start out that way: I was much more assertive, decisive, in charge in the beginning - and for years. I changed with ever-growing contentment.

The second six months I DB'ed, but neither strongly nor consistently and way too late.

The last two months I squarely faced the profound changes in her as a person, her abandoning of her word, promises, commitments and vows. And the hostile, disdainful, self-absorbed ways she treated me.

A long, inevitable journey to apathy.

*Every time I read a post fromSandi, I get another glimpse into (my) truth.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Yes, that's an endorsement for Eugene. I'll write more another time. It's getting late.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Yes. We can't go back. You live and learn. I knew about DB but didn't commit until I'd been separated four months.

The big thing I'll always wonder about is if I'd been reading DB would I have moved out or forced her to.

I had solid reasons. I felt like she had been daring/baiting me to leave for three years and I thought after I left she'd see how much I contributed to her life in terms of help with the house, financially and with the girls.

In that respect, everything worked just like I thought. She's broke, she spends much of her off-time from the girls cleaning and the girls ask her all the time when or if daddy is coming home.

But she's determined to be miserable on her own terms than try to rebuild things where compromise is part of the game. She truly is becoming her mother.

Funny question I mass toss out on my forum. I met a lady last night and I think we hit it off. Lots of eye contact. I was across the table from her and it was loud so we couldn't talk directly enough. I talked to her friend a lot too -- not to make it too obvious.

The lady I'm interested in is going through her second divorce and has kids my age.

So what are modern rules on something like this. We're both still married so I don't think it's appropriate to just call her up and ask her out. She is on FaceBook -- I got her last name before she left. I was considering just sending her a friend invite and saying it was great to meet her.

And then maybe build things from there.

Thoughts?


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
http://tiny.cc/thread2
http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu
http://tinyurl.com/thread4
http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6
http://tinyurl.com/thread6
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cth,
Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
So what are modern rules on something like this. We're both still married so I don't think it's appropriate to just call her up and ask her out. She is on FaceBook -- I got her last name before she left. I was considering just sending her a friend invite and saying it was great to meet her.
As you may know, after my premature "crash and burn episode,"my current philosophy/approach is now two-fold:

It was recommended (I forget where) to go through one year alone. One cycle:1 Christmas, 1 New Years, 1 Valentines' Day, 1 Thanksgiving, etc.

I plan on doing this.

Healing time: Who IS Gardener? - alone?

And I've got a lot of 180ing and GALing, self-improvement yet to do.

The "Modern Rules?"
What are ClingingToHope's (hopefully well-thought-out) rules?

I plan on just discovering writing, and living my life for the most part and "seeing who shows up".** I want NO exclusive relationships (the occasional casual, sure) , but right now, I admit to a strong need and desire for female company and conversation. That's all. (well, not really, ALL wink ), but the the other has been absent for so long, I can wait a bit longer until it's right and replete with affection, nurturing, concern, etc., and not just a physical/mindless/soul-less act.

But, hey, that's just me. smile

** In your case, she showed up. Nothing wrong with talking, learning. Being interested. Just Don't Pursue!

What do you want from her? From you? From you with her?

Why - really why - do you not want to let this pleasant, positive, casual encounter with this not-the-only-woman-in-the-world just be? Something nice that happened to CTH. Period. Why have to build on it?
Do it again. Somewhere else. Somewhere WAY outside your comfort zone!

What's the more? here, for ClingingToHope? What's the need? Why the her? (Because she showed interest in ClingingToHope? (self-esteem)?

Just askin'. So you'll ask.

Ask your questions. Then answer them. Answers will come. Act on them.

As always, more-than-you-needed-or-wanted-to-know, crazy


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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