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G'Man...

Where did November 8 come from?

Sending good thoughts..

*hugs*

PS.. Here's what someone shared with me that I found so intriguing on the day the divorce was finalized. "You'll feel so good in a year, you'll wonder why you didn't do it earlier."

Now.. you're you. And what a great you you are.

*hugs*

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G-Woman,
Thank you for that. And it was November 9, '08.
That was the day of the bomb.

I thought, really thought today:
Did it "end" today?
Did it "end" May 13 when she asked for a divorce?
Did it "end" 12/03/08 when she moved out?

No, it began June 28, 1991 and ended November 9, 2008 with "I got an apartment."

By the way, Bob called me tonight to see how I was doing and I remembered to ask him again about his kids. Here's the update::

Matthew is a Senior at LeHigh University.
Missy is a Freshman at Miami/Ohio.

Bob Says, 'Hi," to you.

(((Hugs)))


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Well, I Survived The First Day of The Big D!
That's a start!

Hre's my "Good-bye" to Newcomers:

D Day Journaling,
Friends,

It was surprising how much at peace and how calm I was in court through the proceedings this morning. Even during the drive home.

I walked into the house, into the kitchen and - as I just told gima - had a kitchen/dishtowel sobbing meltdown similar to his bathroom/towel scene last night.

What a very, very deep place within the soul, the heart, the psyche that comes from when it does erupt. And erupt it did.

I was alternately okay and not okay throughout the afternoon and evening.

Even though it's fifteen months today since I came home from retreat and she announced out of the blue "I got an apartment," and you would think that these ensuing months would have steeled me for the inevitable, I suddenly felt awfully lost and so very alone in this house today and tonight.

I kept myself busy by readying the house for a 5:15 showing, killing time at Borders during the showing reading some Stosny. A couple of emails and calls from friends, a couple of sentimental/reflective postings put on FB, a couple of hours on this board leaving me and mine behind and offering what I could to you and yours.

It is time now to bring my sitch over to Surviving The Big D permanently and to retire Changing Man over here in Newcomers, eternally grateful that for eight months you all contributed so much to my becoming that Changing Man.

I'll be back here to visit you and your sitches at Newcomers.
But I belong over there, now.

You have all been a Godsend.

Peace and love,


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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I'm sorry Gardener.

You are a good man.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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I'm sorry Gardener.. You fought the good fight and should be very proud.

(((Gardener)))

Talia


ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09
Served with D papers 6/6/10
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Thank you, antlers and Talia.

There will not be anything to be sorry about coming from me.
I may stumble a bit in the beginning with this since I will be new at not being sorry (read: victim) about anything. I will work harder on my PMA then ever before, and then, hopefully, on my PPMA (Permanent Positive Mental Attitude).

In that spirit, allow me to re-post just a portion (the positive part!) of what I posted here and on FB yesterday:

From June 28, 1991 until November 9, 2008, I was a man deeply and richly blessed beyond measure.
I am forever grateful for that.


There are too few in this world who never experience anything like that for even a short period of time.

I did!

Peace,

Last edited by Gardener; 02/11/10 02:40 AM.

Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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It's a tough day. Sorry to hear. Get out tonight or tomorrow and spend time with friends.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Hey G---just got back from my day of fun in the sun. Hope you are doing ok today. I will have to follow you even more as you are exactly one day ahead of me now!

Like I told you last night as much as possible go out have some fun, have a cold one or two, whatever just get out of the house and not think about it for a bit.


H: 30
W: 31
S: 2
T/M: 6/4
D Final 4-5-10

Bomb: June 09
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Yesterday or today, givingitmyall posted something that captured exactly where my thoughts kept going today:
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
I have devoted my mental and emotional energy to the positive things that lie ahead for me:
-being independent again
-deciding where I want to live and what type of housing I want - condo? House?
-realizing things I want to do but haven't
-realizing there is a world of women out there who will be interested in me and, at some point, one of them will be the right one for me.

Feeling good, excited, adventuresome.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Well, G-Man, if you were here in Portland, you wouldn't be missing much. Rain, Rain, and More Rain.
Sure hope it quits raining soon, 'cause my toes are cold.
Not much you can do for adventure in these parts, I would look for a warmer spot to get away for a while.
Me, as much as I've always wanted to visit New Orleans for Mardi Gras, I think Goldey would faint from all the over-stimulation.
The Saints will have their party and I'll be watching...cheering from somewhere in the bleachers.
C'Mon team.
Even a cheerleader can read a playbook. Let's go finish this. Rah. Dammit. Rah.

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