Well, last night after the meeting and everyone ate my cookies we went out for a few drinks and laughs.
Today will be busy.
Making buttermilk pancakes for me and the boys, then found a recipe for Buttermilk Cranberry Muffins, then go bowling with S14 and then go for a walk with a friend. Tonight, one of the women from the group volunteered to host a party so Iíll bring the muffins. This should be a lot of fun; kids are welcome, not sure if my have plans yet.
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
Met with W today to discuss our situation and about the kids.
I told her I would be doing the taxes soon and will decide if I will file jointly or separate after I determine which would be best for the kids and me.
I asked her if she had any plans yet for S14ís graduation in June, she said no. I told her Iím planning a party for him and his friends, she said that is a good idea.
We discussed some plans about taking S16 to different colleges over spring break and during the summer when his baseball schedule allows him time.
Then I asked her how she was doing and she said she has good days and bad days (this is what she always tells me) and that she has not contacted a lawyer or even started to research about divorce. She said she is not sure what she wants and mentioned we cannot afford a divorce anyway. I told her that the money should not be a factor and that divorce has crossed my mind more often now. However, I am not ready to file, one reason (which I didnít say to W) is that she does give me enough money to help with the kids and household expenses. Another reason is Iím not ready to take this next step, so Iím taking my time and praying for guidance. She asked how I was and I told her that I have been spending a lot of time with friends, my niece and family and having a good time. I have not told her about the support group and the new friends I have gained from there. Ironically, I think she should go to a group support to help her heal but that is all up to her. She quit going to IC last May, however, she is talking with her mom more and the kids and W seem to be getting along better. I still think she needs to be with them more but at least she is more available than early on in her A.
So, we will continue with the separation and meet again on May 1 to sit down and have another discussion. We do see each other once in a while and now with the college search gearing up Iím sure we will be in contact more often.
She did tell me how guilty she feels and that I didnít deserve to be hurt by her as I have been. I just said that people get selfish and do selfish things and there is not much one can do to control others.
We talked for a couple of hours then she gave me a hug and OM came to pick her up as she took some boxes of college information to go through.
Now, Iím baking for Super Bowl Sunday party, it will be so much fun!! My parents, brother, SIL and friends go to a church which hosts a party and we all have a great time.