Gardener! I made this same decision after my mediation wich was court ordered which lasted 4.5 hours and cost $1300! The only thing we got figured out was that I would get the Wii video game. A joke for sure! 2 weeks ago I decided that the risk of going to court (in a pro female system) was too much to risk. So I gave my lawyer the go ahead to start bargaining. I got every other weekend + one over night and one 2.5 hour visitation a week. I also got 1/2 her 401k and 1/2 her pension. I would rather have had my kids 1/2 time but she would not give in. The risk of a judge siding with her was too much for me. Good luck! You will feel much better that you stood up and took charge!
Last edited by v1olin; 01/27/1004:56 AM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
It seems like you are doing the right thing by retaining your own L. Your STBXW and her L seem to be in panic because of your striking hard now.
They say to treat the financial aspect of the divorce as a business deal. However, a business deal with a company like your STBXW would have been given up quite some time ago when it was determined that they could not be relied upon with agreements they made. You are now dealing more in terms of an armistice. Just make sure you dont be the one doing the unconditional surrender.
Hold on to your N.U.T.s indeed. Keep that legal hammer cocked, but in a calm manner. Pick your battles carefully and cut your loses when it seems that increased litigation will delay and become much more costly.
Separate the emotion (the loss of family, etc) from the legal (equal dispersion of financial assets and debts).
Let Bob take care of the legal, do his job. He's great at it. Let him know you want out as cleanly and fiscally responsibly as possible.
Your divorcing spouse lacks boundaries and common sense; e.g., telling YOUR legal representative to butt out and thinking it's a good idea. So.. you do need a lawyer.
And, G.. you have to trust his advice because your wife knows how to push your buttons.
Ask yourself what is appropriate. Then make it so.
Sorry to hear of the latest updates, your going the same road I am in.
As Kerryk picked up on, pick your battles carefully, and decide what you want to fight for.
For me, the money didn't become the issue either, it was just the outright entitlement that killed the deal, and the fact stbxw figured she would walk with half the assets, get full support, and leave me holding the liabilities.
It sounds like you are doing what is best for you, and that is what counts now. Keep that up, and keep that attitude. Accept and let the emotion drop as much as possible so you can focus on what is important going forward
Good luck man, keep us informed of how things are going!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
iwitw, Thanks. It's the last minute greed that got to me. Someone who wants to split everything 50-50 is like the proverbial person who "wants to meet you half way" except the problem is they think they're already there.
What also got to me is that the nonsense and re-writing history is now going into the record. For example:
STBXW: "I did not leave!"Excuse me?
STBXW's L: "this case is unlike others where one party simply deserts the marital asset leaving the other to pay for all costs." Excuse me, again? This is exactly what happened!
Oh well, I already learned in my first divorce and in my child custody case years ago that once you enter the courtroom - even after the oath is taken - truth is irrelevant and bald-faced, scandalous lies abound.
Justice? Ppffftt!!!
Winning is all that matters.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Gman, I've just caught up with your sitch. I'm sorry it had to go this far before you finally clicked and stopped being a doormat.
I saw your post on GIMA's thread and this is what I have to say: IT'S ABOUT FARKING TIME YOU STOOD UP FOR YOURSELF!!!!!
With that said, I'd like to re-iterate the advice that KerryK and Gypsy have been giving you... "pick your battles carefully..." and heed your L's advice. It's good you've finally stood up for yourself, but be wary of pride - it has been the downfall of many a great man.
I think the shot across the bow for 2/3 is good. It will get their attention. Your insane W was looking forward to wiping the doggy-doo off her shoes into your face with those last two items. I am ECSTATIC that you didn't fall for that. So... now... with that knowledge in hand, here's your tactical advantage:
1) She has just seen the fortune that was almost in her fingertips evaporate... in front of her eyes. 2) She will NOT want this to go to court because it will delay her "lifestyle"
With that in mind... cancel all 27 compromises you made in the meeting on 2/3. BE COMPLETELY unreasonable... (to a certain degree...) That's the way negotiation happens. Make it seem that you are unwilling to bend and you will see them in court. Let her know that you are not afraid to lose every cent. This will strike the fear of the devil (note: I didn't say God) in her.
Win back as much as you can... I know you want out ASAP... but this has gone beyond this. This has become a matter of dignity. Meet with your L beforehand and discuss this with him. Get his advice on what is the best way to handle this... tell him what you want to achieve... and then let him handle it. REMEMBER ONE thing: The objective is NOT to end up in court but stop at the final step before court.
Godspeed and His blessing be with you....
and in case you forgot... IT'S ABOUT FARKING TIME!!!!
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Meet with your L beforehand and discuss this with him. Get his advice on what is the best way to handle this... tell him what you want to achieve... and then let him handle it. REMEMBER ONE thing: The objective is NOT to end up in court but stop at the final step before court. ;)Godspeed and His blessing be with you....
I don't want to fight this in court. I'm sure it won't come down to that. I have a great lawyer - never should have gone this farking Mediation route - I will leave it entirely up to him. He knows what I want, where I've been getting screwed, and exactly what to do..
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Hey G. Just wanted to voice my support for you...and hope that you soon get to a place where you're happy and content. It's a pisser that you (or any of us) have to go through this crap.
Stay strong.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
