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Hey G'Man..

Re.. the lawyer.

Like anything, set your boundaries. In a simple sentence tell him what you've said here.

Have you been paying/billed for the interim sessions, emails, phone calls after the initial consultation? Ask him how much you owe him, how much he estimates reviewing the final agreement would be.

He knows the case, the particulars and could wrap it up faster than another lawyer who jumps in cold. That you want to wrap it up and only litigate if the agreement warrants it.

He's there to advise, not hold your hand. Take it or leave it.

Just make sure a qualified lawyer reviews the final agreement.

*hugs*

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Hey, G-Woman, iwitw, KerryK,

L called me shortly after my last post. Said he was in or out Litgation-wise only. Told me in July that he'd review final agreement and he's gonna review final agreement.

He'll review for wording, loopholes, etc., only, but no more work on content unless I retain him. He's seen two versions of agreement so far, went through it, made suggestions. So he will assume final doc is agreed upon re: content and not concern himself with that part too much in reviewing.

That's fair.

And yes, I paid him up front every time I met with him, so that's not an issue.

Whew. I'm glad.

Got cc'd on stbxw's email to mediator yesterday. I had sent in my final changes and she sends this email, which contains nothing I needed to see or know about. Except, perhaps, she wanted make sure I saw one line in it: "I never thought I'd have to protect myself financially from Gardener."

Ya think? wink

Last edited by Gardener; 01/22/10 06:19 PM.

Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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So, quick update.
Looks like we're just about in agreement.
Will have meeting with Mediator early Monday.
L review of Agreement Monday/Tuesday.
D Wednesday.

Now to sell the house. Had fairly active showings for January, of all months. Two today. So far, most comments have been about layout of the place, size of the land, and things like that. Not one prospect or R.E. Agent has once mentioned price as an obstacle, sticking point.
So that's good.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Hey G---it is glad to hear that the agreement is almost done. Although I know you and everyone else did not want things to end this way, it has to be a relief to have this from hanging over your head. I hope that you are out and about tonight and GAL'ing having a great time.
Just wanted to let you know we were thinking about ya!


H: 30
W: 31
S: 2
T/M: 6/4
D Final 4-5-10

Bomb: June 09
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Thank, yt.
I appreciate that.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Long journalling...

So last night, the final 3-way telephone conversation w/mediator. Pretty much in agreement. I email mediator and stbx afterward to summarize.
stbx emails this morning with some last minute considerations. Reasonable ones.

I called her. We discussed calmly and decently. For the second time in a week, she suddenly sounds like her again, the one whose been alien-AWOL for 14 months. Go figure.

And the one who last Sunday was suddenly crying to me on the phone about never meaning "to cause all this strife, all this destruction, all this!" Listens to me calmly as I close our conversation by saying,

"This was unnecessary.
I was changeable.
You were changeable.
We were improvable.'

To which she replies - get this - that she agrees with me and launches into a regret of "letting so many resentments build up unnecessarily toward the end but I never learned how to voice my opinions, my expectations."

I replied with, "As you know, StepD and I have never discussed our situation. We, did however do so once, in a brief series of three emails after the baby was born. In the second email, I mentioned how, after such a great summer of '08, The Bomb, for me came out of the blue.

In the third and final email, StepD responded to the out-of-the-blue claim with, "I do know that Mom clearly and regularly communicated unhappiness and concern over your relationship over a long, extended period of time."

Mrs. G. fell silent at that and I said to her, "I resisted the temptation to email back to StepD the first thought that popped into my head when I read that: 'Not to me she didn't!' (Mrs.G), I wish you had told me!"

To which Mrs. G responds,"So do I. I wish I had, too."

WTF? Four days til court date and she's being reasonable, owning her part (finally) and expressing remorse? I repeat: WTF?

So I later emailed her:

Subject: Our final email.

(Mrs. G),

I just said,

"I was changeable.
You were changeable.
We were improvable."

You agreed.

You said you harbored resentments that you never gave voice to, that you were never taught to give voice to.

I agreed.

And I admitted to the exact same thing, adding that I realize now that my resentments toward you were really misdirected resentments against myself: resentment for accepting the unacceptable, for not voicing it, for fearing the conflict that voicing them would have precipitated.

We never - or very rarely - fought. We should have. I read two separate authors this year who said that never fighting is their number one indicator of eventual divorce. Who knew?

And yet, Wednesday we divorce. You and I. (Mrs. G) and G!. Divorce.

"Pride hears its voices and fear wins again
And another cruel ending calls."

You have needlessly destroyed everything. Everything.

Goodbye, (Mrs. G).

Gardener"

WTF?


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Believe me I can feel what you are feeling... And I know it sucks. WTF? Now? Well, it has happened before and if you check out Gforces threads, his wife backed off the day of the D. They just had a baby a couple of months ago.

BUT, it doesst always play out like that, and I think that even if the WAS really do want to end the M, the regret and remorse sneak in their heads anyway. I mean, they are still human afterall-some of them at least! Especially when the LBS has treated them with kindness and at some point what they KNOW isntead of what they believe, surfaces...

I am not sure you can do anything right now. You did give her an opening, you have stated your take on what happened. It is pretty sad to allow pride and the feeling of "it is too late now" get in the way of a possible reconciliation but, you cant be pursuing now. I would even suggest try implementing all avaiable detachement techniques and stop spinning.

Although I have been reading your threads on and off, I havent lately and I dont know what YOU want right now. If you still love her, remember that a piece of paper will not stand in the way if what's important is there between you.
Love is much more appreciated when the couple feels they nearly lost it.

I dont believe any of us can give you a preview of what may follow because we dont know. I dont think she knows either.
Stay strong for the next coming days. What will be, will be.
K


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Originally Posted By: Gardener

This was unnecessary.
I was changeable.
You were changeable.
We were improvable.

Letting so many resentments build up unnecessarily.

I realize now that my resentments toward you were really misdirected resentments against myself.



Hey Gardener, I can so relate to the things you've writtn here.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Originally Posted By: Kalni

It is pretty sad to allow pride and the feeling of "it is too late now" to get in the way of a possible reconciliation.


Agreed.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Thanks, Kalni,
I agree. My email was five hours ago, No response.
I don't know what I want at this stage.
I look at what she said today.
I look at how great it was (or so I thought) right up until bomb day.
I look at her abusive father (who she never reconciled with and had no contact with for almost 30 years) dying 5 months before the Bomb and seeing connections there.
Then I look at her accusing me of several vile, simply false things this past year.
I look at her somehow -somehow - turning my beloved StepD and StepS against me just recently.
I look at so many other things and:
It may just be too late, too much water over the dam, no going back now.
Next move - if any - is hers. But somehow, I doubt there'll be one.
If anything, I expect the usual backlash after this instance of honesty, of opening up.
We'll see.
And by the way, re: Do I still love her? I love the person she used to be.

Last edited by Gardener; 01/23/10 10:13 PM.

Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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