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iwitw,
Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
Melancholy day today for me as d8 turned to d9 this AM.
Yeah, that will sure do it under these circumstances.
Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
I'll call on my way home to sing her happy b-day song. At least I did get to see and say happy b-day to her in person this morning..
That's nice, Dad.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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IWITW,

Glad to see you went ahead and skipped STBXW's party and put together one on your own. That was the right move, IMHO. Regarding the holiday emotional roller coaster, I'm with you- glad to see the holidays over with although we do have Valentine's day coming up. grin

As far as your STBXW's pettiness, I can relate to that too. Seems my STBXW can't miss any opportunity to find anything to either criticize or complain about. Just yesterday while at work I got about five TMs from her frantically reminding me I needed to give D4 a bath before D4 came back over to her place this Wednesday. I don't know what that was all about- maybe she was trying to impress someone by showing them what a horrible dad I am. The good thing is that all of her pettiness and obnoxious behavior is have less and less an effect on me. Hopefully you are having a similar experience in your sitch.

Have a good week, I'll try to check in later.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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I should probably 2x4 myself for sending an email to my stbxw that I just did...

Stbxw had emailed me about the other party, and I had asked the previous week if she just wanted to keep d9 so I didn't have to drive her all over the eastern seaboard of MA for my two days that I would have her.

In her email yesterday, she ended it with a statement that d9 would rather not go to the party then miss a weekend with me.

That did not set well with me overnight, and I kept coming back to it over and over.

I don't need to be reminded that I don't get to see my d9 everyday like I would like, but that decision was taken from me when you asked for D, stbxw. I have taken my d9 every free day I could since moving out, and have not had so much as a day of free time for myself, unlike you who is now living single on the weekends at my expense.

Just venting a bit, but I decided to email her back, and simply stated:

I do not need to be reminded that I don't get to spend as much time with d9 as I would like, and that if stbxw has plans herself to just say so.

That may be the wrong thing to do, and to antagonistic, but I don't care, nor care if she is pissed.

2x4 away on me all...


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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You're right you probably shouldn't have sent it...but I know sometimes we all have to let off steam. Of course that's where the detachment comes in, you wouldn't care what she is doing on the weekends (except for the money part of course).


Me:40
W: 39
T: 17 years
M: 15 years
S-9
D-6
D final 11/10/2009

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."



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IWITW,

I can certainly identify with your frustration, I am dealing with similar crap in my own sitch. We all have to blow off a little steam now and then and you can't expect to execute flawlessly 100% of the time. I don't know if the occasional irritation with our STBXWs will ever go away- probably not- but their power over us will diminish with time.

The email as described sounded more frank than antagonistic- I wouldn't dwell on it too much. No 2x4 from me on this one.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Thanks BJ and Dog,

I hope that you are well, and BJ, update us on your sitch when you can!


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Journaling a bit.

It's little things at times that seem to catch me off guard at times.

Called d9 tonight, and no one picked up so it went to voice mail. STBXW has changed voicemail message in the past couple of weeks, and that caused some quick emotion when I heard it, but that subsided quickly as well.

She had always said she never wanted to put names in the voice message when we were together, so our recorded message was simply her saying "your have reached xxx-xxxx, leave a message"

She has now changed the message to state "You have reached stbxw, ss18 and d9, please leave a message" Using there first names.

Just seems odd that she has changed it to that. Is it so if I hear it, it is a shot at me? Is it so anyone calling now knows she is single, or that I don't live there anymore?

Oddly, I am not affected right now emotionally by it, just thinking about it in general. What she does is for her, and her reasons, and not about me, and that is fine.


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Hey iwantittowork.

You're right. Whatever she does now is not about you. And whatever you do from now on should not be about her...at all! Who cares if it's a shot at you? I doubt that it is though! Who cares if it's so that other people know she's single? These are things that we have no control over...so why bother? Does it make sense to let stuff like this occupy real estate in our brains? Nope!

How are you doing?


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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IWITW,

I think the V/M greeting was one part jab at you and one part expression of your STBXW expressing her "independence". It's like when I caught my W wearing the same sexy bimbo outfit twice last week while picking up S11 at school. (I was picking up S10 myself.) I just know the boob job is around the corner once the D is final and she gets her settlement from me.

I swear, I don't think my W fully knows what to do with herself- perhaps your STBXW has the same problem. She just has the brain of a salmon with a single message message playing in an endless feedback loop: "It's just how I feel, It's just how I feel..."

Here's a question for you: Do you think your STBXW is wondering about some of the same things about you as you are about her? Just curious as I have often wondered the same myself in my own sitch.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Quote:
I just know the boob job is around the corner once the D is final and she gets her settlement from me.


Hey dude, at least yours waited until after moving out! I had to live with mine during the boob job, and man was that irritating! smile

Quote:
playing in an endless feedback loop: "It's just how I feel, It's just how I feel..."


Gospel truth there, and I heard it during the bomb months. "I just have to follow my feelings... I can't change my feelings...." blah, blah..

Quote:
Here's a question for you: Do you think your STBXW is wondering about some of the same things about you as you are about her? Just curious as I have often wondered the same myself in my own sitch.


This I wonder about, and then realize I am leaving to much room in my head for stbxw. I like to think so, but when I do, I realize it's really about me, and if she didn't, that somehow I would be less of a man or something, or if she did, would that make me happy in some way?

who really knows? I am not about to ask her, so waste of my time to wonder, so I just put those thoughts away, and move back to things I want to do for d9 and me, and move on..

Thanks for checking in, I always love your thoughts on my sitch, they make me think about things in a different way, which is healthy at times!


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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