It's easy to take for granted the constants in our life. I think most of us were guilty of that as LBSs.
The way you phrase your boundary in this last post is better.
That has to be how you think about the situation though. From a perspective of only having control over you, cuz you are the only one you have any control over.
You are hoping that these changes will have a positive impact on her, and that's fine. But always be careful not to forget that you can't control her actions. She makes her choices, and you make yours.
And if you make good choices, you will have no regrets about how you handled this regardless of the outcome.
And regardless of the outcome, you will be fine. You will be a better person for your struggle.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
She keeps texting me jokes and telling me good night. I thank her for the joke and simply reply good night. No elaboration required but she is making a effort to contact me several times per day now. I am staying loving but controlled and not eager.
I stand by what I told her. I want her, I do not need her and financially I would be better off without her.
This I think is causing her to begin to pursue me some.
What do you think?
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
I stand by what I told her. I want her, I do not need her and financially I would be better off without her.
I know YOU think that when you told her that, it was some type of epithany to HER... I realize you think you got through to her with that great stance and wonderful line....
Want the truth?
It meant nothing. I hate to bust your bubble. Telling a woman you don't need her, but want her while she is seeing you and another man is silly and senseless and means nothing. It only means something to YOU. You are thinking. "I guess I told her".. You actually are showing her the exact oposite.. WEAKNESS. That you ARE and WILL put up with her having you and another guy at the same time. That shows more that you NEED her than it does that you don't need her. NO? You ARE still hanging with her aren't you? Exactly my point if you say yes. So where is your ACTION that you can LIVE without Her? It isn't there.
You want to know when that will mean something to her?
When you LIVE it to her. When you pull back from her by showing her with ACTION that you won't share your wife with another man and give HER time to decide. That maybe YOU are done. Maybe YOU need some time to think.....
THAT is when you will give her the message that you CAN live without her. YOU are NOT giving her that message just because you told her some line you thought was good to you. You are mistaken and have taken that way out of context and way of of importance to the truth.
You don't just want pursuit from her, you WANT her to give up the OM and WANT to be with you and YOU alone..
It is called exclusive. All women know what that means. It means one man and one womam in a relationship....
If she isn't giving you EXCLUSIVE then you are being the fool...
Men who GET the woman NEVER play the fool.. NEVER...
So, don't you have enough confidence in who you are and how it is her loss if she screws up here to call her bluff and let her think that she took too long?
Or didn't you mean it when you said you "could" live without her and would be better financially without her... What is stopping you then?
great points. Only love for her and my sons is stopping me. I would rather us be together but I am sure that I could easily make it without her.
I will have to rethink this again. I know that she has affaired down in a big way, so it would be her loss. I just need to figure out how to convey that message.
One bright side: I have gone and done a few things that I have always wanted and she has said that it is nice that I can go live it up while she is broke and at home (OM will not take her out). This has shown her that I will live life without her.
I love rappeling, climbing, my motorcycle, visiting friends, dance class, and soon I will try skydiving. I am not going to just wait for her, but I do want to be available when she is ready.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
Hi, I only skimmed through the later part of your thread, and also while I would not presume to speak for Gucci, I think his point covers the fact that your "availability" is a problem. Why the heck should she ever be "ready" when she can have the best of all worlds?
You would still not be living the fact (and yes it has to be a fact) that you can be without her.
And really, while it is just my personal view, I think you should stop giving yourself the excuse that it is love for your sons and her that is stopping you. If it comes to the crunch, everyone will survive. It's fear and being entrenched in the comfort zone that's stopping you. Whether to stay in that zone is your choice.
Best wishes in any case.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
