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BJ, thanks for following along.

Happy new year, and I hope you can keep us updated soon on what is happening in your sitch. I find myself wondering if things are ok with you at times, and hoping you are making positive progress!

How is your son doing lately?


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Well, for this start of a new year, it's a year to focus on me and d8, soon to be d9. smile

As I sit here and read other's sitch's, and reflect on the past week, I am feeling ok right now.

Picked up d8 today, and on the way there felt resentment build up over STBXW walking away again, with her new boobs, new car, and leaving me holding the financial bag. It is getting less and less that I feel these feelings but they do come at times. I acknowledge them and they do seem to pass after a while, especially after I have picked up d8, and gone on our way.

As I sit here tonight, tummy is warm and full after d8 and I made some home made pizza, and I just brewed a cup of coffee that was given to me by quite possibly a special female friend, and I am watching d8 now play on her new Wii.

My heart is warm tonight, that it's not a bad start today to a new year and decade, so that's where I will stay tonight, and not worry about tomorrow until it gets here.


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Happy New Year to you and your daughter! I'm so glad you're getting to a more peaceful place in your heart and that you're enjoying your time with your daughter.

I see you and Big John are into the martial arts- I only got as far as green belt in Kajukenpo a few years ago when I had my knee surgery (I twisted it while sparring.) I've been nervous that if I go back, I'll mess up the other one, but it is tempting- I miss it!

Thank you for all your support and encouragement- I'm blessed to know you.

Hugs, Bunny


W42/H42/M20
S/19,D/17
On My Own: 11/28/09
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Thanks for checking in Bunny.

As for martial arts, I am really a beginner, but completely looking forward to sticking to my goal of learning this for better physical and mental conditioning.

I'd say go for it, if you can, if only light training to work around any injury issues. I think the mental aspect of it is truly the keystone, and building block, for forward progress in other areas of one's life.

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Thank you for all your support and encouragement- I'm blessed to know you.


Bunny, thank you once again. Coming from you this means a lot to me to have you stop by and offer your heartfelt words. I am truly touched tonight by them..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Posts: 827
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It's been a quiet weekend with d8, weather has been arctic all weekend, kind of like STBXW it seems. smile Just kidding, I actually have a lot of positive things going, and just needed to laugh tonight, and probably shouldn't at my STBXW expense, but oh well, she can sue me. Oh, wait a sec, she is! LOL..

Anyways, I have been ruminating about my sitch, as I spent a lot of time this weekend putting together financial doc's for the L, and still have more to put together, and it's just kept my focus on STBXW and the sitch..

Ruminations On IWITW......

How is it, that things come to pass in such a manner? IWITW is reflecting on the past few years, and wonders how he came to be so different a person than he ever envisioned he would be? Angry. Hurt. Why was his life in shambles? How can it be, life was so cruel! Full of disdain, and taking it out on everyone but himself, lashing out, or even just silent and seething...

Truth be told, it's easy to see now, that IWITW took it out immensely on himself, and the inability to acknowledge and see through his own 'fog' fed into the cycle and burst the seems.

He can see it now so clearly, the real IWITW is edging out again, and while there is much work to do, he is looking at the 'surreal' past 10+ years in shock and awe.

It is to bad, his STBXW will not be around for the real IWITW, and only got a poor representation of him. She may be in her own 'fog' now, but it lifted IWITW's when that bomb dropped. It is unfortunate that there is also a lot of collateral damage from that bomb hitting it's target. Love, like war, is unclean and innocents get hurt when the shrapnel flies.

(Apologies to any armed services personnel for my imagery above....)

Well, that's enough reflection for IWITW for tonight, this week is going to be busy, but back to somewhat normal schedule after the holidays are now over, we'll see what this new year has to offer...


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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I can relate. I regret that she won't get the chance to be with me, now that I've made these changes, and experience the man and father that she always wanted me to be.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Well, it's time to move the wheel a bit..

Called my L to make the appt to go over financial information, and come up with proposal for STBXW and her L. If we can decide and agree on everything we can go to pretrial hearing and just git'r'done..

It will be me that has to push this, StBXW has no incentive whatsoever to push for the finish line, with me on the hook for finances currently.

Other than that, not much new to report, watching the snow fall a bit. Wishing things were different, but realize that STBXW would have to be different as well, so don't count on that..

Missed talking to d8 last night as she was in the shower, and typically doesn't call me back after, which is ok. Yeh, it hurts, but she knows I call.

StBXW picked up the phone when I called, and didn't seem happy at all, and I could tell she didn't want to be talking with me. Oh well, I asked her about d8 joining Kung Fu lessons and where she was taking them. StBXW was very suspicious of me asking, and just said in general where she was going. Whatever. I just told STBXW that I was proud of and happy for d8, and couldn't wait to talk to her about it.

StBXW softened up a bit after that, but I let her go as I could tell she wanted off the phone...


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Sounds like your moving along on this with the right frame of mind.

Do you think that there's any chance she's dragging her feet because she's not really sure this is what she wants?


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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Quote:
Do you think that there's any chance she's dragging her feet because she's not really sure this is what she wants?


I'll acknowledge that this could be, however, when I find myself thinking along these lines, I need to stop and refocus on what I want.

If she wants back, she'll have to reach out, not me. She knows where I stand, for months I made that clear.

To be honest, I am approaching this as if she has someone else in her life already, and she never wants to be back with me. That makes it easier for me to return my thoughts to me and my d8 when I start to wander and wonder what she is up too..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
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I have been taking a bit of a break from the board, but have come back for a bit needing some advice.

My StBXW emailed me yesterday: She setup my d8 b-day kids party for the weekend of Jan 23rd. That was it in the email. That is a Saturday when I normally pickup d8.

Ok, so exactly what is she looking for me to respond with? Seems kind of odd to be put in this way, no questions, no info, just that statement. It is so like her though..

So, is she expecting me to email back and invite myself?

Is she expecting me to not reply?

Who knows, I know, but I have been wondering how to reply.

I had come up with this so far, but wanted some other DB'ers advice.

"Ok, I understand that you have setup the party for the 23rd. I will pickup d8 at a time after the party, or can pick her up Sunday if you want to keep her for that day. Please let me know."

I am not going to just invite myself, and to that point, I am not involved with this party setup, etc. I actually would prefer not to be there around StBXW at this time. I know it would be for my d8, but I am having a family party of my own next weekend for her.

We are in the middle of a D where she is trying to obliterate me financially, and don't feel like spending time with her at all. She wants to just be 'friends' and I am not on board with that.

I am assuming a bunch here, before I even reply, so I'll stop that for now, and hope you all have some thoughts for me on how to handle.

I'll try and catch up with some of your sitch's as well in the near future..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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