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As for my W, she hasn't accepted any personal accountability for the problems in our MR. The same issues she had in our MR will undoubtedly carry over into any future R she has as will all of her shortcomings.


Hey BJ, how is it going. I am moving to my Surviving the big D thread now, but wanted to post back on yours.

I hear you on the above, but there's nothing we can do about it.

Often I thought of my STBXW as being much more mature in relationship that I was, but then think back to this mess and all the "You shouldn't have to work on a relationship" and comments like that, that make me thing otherwise.

What I have been working on, is when I start to think like this, to then realize that I need to refocus on me now, and what I am doing, and my future.

Who knows what will happen to our STBX's, but I know I want to be a better person for myself, and that's my goal.

I need to make many more goals for myself and plans, without STBXW on my mind, and only myself and d8.

That's been tougher to do than I would have thought..

What are your goals now?


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Ok BJ, when you check in, stop by my surviving thread, and talk me down a bit, I need a 2x4 and some ears to vent to, so I can refocus on d8 and myself..

I should rename the D train to the Crazy Train...


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Hi Big John!

Please close your thread...it's very large wink

Happy Holidays!
sg


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
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BJ, still around? Just checking in man, wondering if things are ok with you...


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
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BJ, hope you come around soon, and let us know your OK.

When you do, want you to know I have been thinking about you, and wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
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All,

I hope everyone has been having a wonderful Christmas holiday despite the circumstances we find ourselves in. I want you to know you are all in my prayers, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of our online community here. I apologize for not posting for a few weeks now but I have been very busy at work not to mention dealing with my D and problems my W has been having with S10. I'll have to fill you guys in later on more of the details, but in short my S10 is having serious emotional problems with my W's ongoing love affair with OM, the details of which he is fully aware of from snooping on my W's I-Phone. My son subsequently broke my W's I-phone in the midst of a physical altercation with my W which resulted in my W leaving S10 behind with me while she, S11, D4 and S11's friend- her "replacement son"- left for a vacation in her home state for this coming week. Unfortunately, my plan for this weekend and coming week- while off work and all alone by myself- was to repaint the entire inside of my house and replace the interior doors. Now in between projects I'm trying to spend some quality time with S10 and hopefully help him with his issues. I have a lot going on at the moment, but I will try to check in. Thank you again for your support and concern, hopefully 2010 will be a better year for all of us.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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So glad to hear from you. Praying for you and your son. You cannot control what your W does, but being there for your S with love and compassion is all you can do now. Keep us posted.


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
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BJ! Glad to see you again, and sorry your having to deal with all this. I was afraid that things were not going well, but you sound like your dealing with things in very good way.

I hope you and your S can have some time together to work on thist, and hope he does well in figuring things out. Sorry that he found out all the BS that has been going on, that must be tough on him.

2010 will be a better year, I don't doubt it. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
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I am going to have to get a spotlight with a big bold BJ symbol on it.

BJ, where are ya man!

I am thinking about you, and your family, and hoping things are as good as they can be for you and your family at this time. When you drop in, and have a minute, know that I am anxiously looking for an update from you my friend!


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Posts: 18,666
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Me Too, BJ! I miss you, friend.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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