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SF-
You've got your head in a great place for what lies ahead. I hope I have it as together if/when I get to the same point!
Spinning Wheel-Blood Sweat and Tears..great song!

I'll be thinking strong-thriving-type thoughts for you on Wednesday! Proud of you!


M44 H46 T21 Married 16y
D14 D12
Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09
Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09
Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce
Divorce final 6/30/10.




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Silver, I do still want to go South! I'm disappointed that I had to cancel my trip to Atlanta last summer with Tawnya and Amy and still want to go there. Still working on this year's travel plans so I'll let you know.

The kick ass heels are for you so you feel unstoppable! And yes, those sound like they'll do the trick. wink

Oh, and let me know what you decide about FB. You can always gmail me.


If you love somebody, set them free.
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Thank you for your support kjensen - yes, Blood Sweat and Tears - kind of describes this journey too.

I'm a little anxious tonight and sad too. I'm also developing a head cold and cough. I better not wake up all puffy faced and sniffley - H will think I've been crying. Damn!

Pearl - let's meet in Hotlanta this summer!


Me 56
H 47
Married 21 years
No children
Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself".
Ow Bomb 8/07
H filed 6/08
D final 2/05/10




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Silver Fox ~ I wish you all the best for the settlement conference tomorrow.


M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months
4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10
I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
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Good Luck tomorrow Silverfox!


Be Happy for this Moment,
This Moment is your Life


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Let me just say first off that, hands down, without a shadow of a doubt, this board has helped me through the most devastating period of my life and moved me to a place of confidence, power, and control, without which I never would have been able to make it through the settlement conference today.

Phew! Mission accomplished. At least we're off to a good start anyway. I only had a few moments with my L before H and his L arrived and he said this - "I talked with H's L briefly this morning, just listen to what they have to say first - they really are anxious to settle".

Well, hells bells, that retirement fund that H was so aggressively protecting everytime I brought it up? He's offered to use it to pay off our joint debt, which let's just say is well over $20,000 - AND he'll pay the taxes and penalty fees.

The house issues are another matter. I made it clear that I do not want to stay here any longer than possible and I do not want to be responsible for repairs, showing, selling, etc. all by myself. There's still many decisions to be made about this but first we're bringing a contractor to look at the place for a better idea about where to start.

For the first time in my life I've seen a depressed person and it is my H. He looked miserable.

He's gained weight, hair was scraggly, puffy faced, disheveled clothes - he couldn't even bother to tuck his shirt tail in?
He sat slumped in his chair right across from me and made very little eye contact with me especially at the beginning. He talked very little. I had a folder with all kinds of paperwork in front of me - he had nothing. He's the one who wants the D.

It's been said on this site many times - he's not the man I married. He's not even the man who 2 years ago happily told me he was in love with someone else.

I've got to sleep on all this now. I'm still very concerned about being stuck with the house but my L said (when H and L were in another room) that getting the debt paid off is HUGE. I'll be debt free!

So, thank you everyone for your support, encouragement and positive thoughts. It worked - and so did my high heeled boots and skinny leg jeans.





Last edited by Silver Fox; 01/07/10 01:46 AM.

Me 56
H 47
Married 21 years
No children
Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself".
Ow Bomb 8/07
H filed 6/08
D final 2/05/10




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Silver--good for you, girl.

Yes, there are many of us who have had the experience you describe, and there's nothing like it: a reclaiming of your power while at the same time seeing them sitting in the bottom of hole they have dug.

It is huge, that he will pay off the debt, while at the same time, take the hit for the taxes and penalties.

An agreement on the house will be tougher, and you may have to rethink the lines you have drawn. I, too, at first, said that I wasn't going to get the house in shape to sell and go through that by myself. The landscape changed, and I actually ended up staying there, assuming our mortgage (I forced him to agree to receiving no equity), doing the remodeling myself, and when it eventually sold, the equity was mine. Yeah, it was difficult, and there were times along the way that I wanted to be done, but compared to dealing with him constantly and his sad, depressed, couldn't think his way out of a paper bag self, it was much better to go it alone.

I'm not saying that will be the right course for you, I'm just saying, keep charting your own path, making decisions in your best long term interest, and when you're not sure, sit still...it will come to you.

You've been amazingly strong from the get-go and I am in awe of you. I have no doubt that this will all come out in the best possible way for you. Some friends and I were discussing this the other night: success is what you do with your failures. You go, girl...

Now wassup with this cold? I live in the South for a REASON!

besos,
BA

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Silver, I'm glad to hear things went well today. Do sleep on it and give it some thought before responding. Who knows what the contractor will say, perhaps he can have it done with less time and/or money than you expect. Just remember that they always run over on both. smile

You deserve SOOOOO much better than that sorry sadsack!


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Thanks for the pep talk BA. Yes the house issue is tough. He knew it would be when he dropped the first bomb and at the OW bomb he assured me that he told her "the house has to be taken care of first" - yet he's done nothing.

His sad face keeps coming back to haunt me since the conference. Many have talked about the eyes of the MLC'er - and they are indeed frightening. There was no emotion really - no anger or sadness - just a glassy, not there look. Guess I'd better do some reading about depression, as I have no knowledge of it what so ever.

It's quite a hole he's dug for himself. And there he is, sitting at the bottom of it with his arms folded and his bottom lip stuck out like a petulant teenager.

Yes, going it alone BA might be the choice for me.

Thanks Pearl - I looked at your new shoes! Excellent decision to buy them. Now, will you be wearing them with a new dress? Or not? wink


Me 56
H 47
Married 21 years
No children
Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself".
Ow Bomb 8/07
H filed 6/08
D final 2/05/10




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SF-
Just catching up with you- Sounds like things went well on Wednesday. You sound good and strong! Way to go!

It is sad to see our spouses broken down and depressed. Sounds like your STBX has a ways to go... And you have made it this far with flying colors! Have a wonderful weekend!


M44 H46 T21 Married 16y
D14 D12
Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09
Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09
Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce
Divorce final 6/30/10.




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