STBXW called the police on me because I refused to bring my our son home from a sleepover playdate that he was looking forward to for a week. . Details to follow. I"m OK. Son stayed. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
My son wanted a playdate and sleepover with his friend who lives a mile or so away. My night is Saturday. STBXW has Sunday. One week prior, STBXW told me that she was sleeping over her mother's house with the kids. Yesterday, I texted my STBXW that S9 was going to sleepover with his buddy and that I would bring home D6 to be with her.
She said 'no'. My son had been looking forward to this..wanted it....and STBXW has 'no'd' nearly everything I've tried to do with him. This was going to hurt him...BIG TIME.
I said no, that it was my night with the kids and I wouldn't break his heart. You can imagine the texts from her. I won't type all of them but some of the reasons that I "had" to bring him home: -she was his mother -she doesn't know the people he is sleeping with (will she after we are D'd?) -there may be guns in the house (my friend is a law enforcement officer)
I gave her contact info, the mom's name and let her talk with S9 who kept saying "mom, I want to stay over" and then handed the phone to me.Then SHE CALLED THIS MAN. She requested all sorts of personal info from him: My friend: "Ma'am...that's between you and your husband.....no, I won't tell you what kind of officer I am....ma'am, you're acting completely irrationally. Your son is playing right now and having a great time...ma'am..that's between you and your husband. I'm sorry ma'am....etc......"
STBXW then called the police. My sister who lives across the street from me saw the commotion and called to tell me. My buddy called the local precinct and they said I was fine. I drove S6 home and spoke with the P.O. I told him that she was crazy and irrational, that last year she filed a false police report, etc. My buddy called at the same time and spoke with the officer. He thanked me and waved me off.
My son slept over. So did I..on the couch..just to be safe.
And all.....ALL....because my son wanted a sleepover.
The next day, my son didn't want to leave and was afraid of verbal retribution from STBXW.
Shaken but not stirred. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Gypsy...great post. There comes a time when you cannot be shoved or pushed around or doormatted anymore. The other night was critical.
This needs to be over.
We need to be apart.
My children need a safe harbor away from her.
FIB
PS...did you guys have a nice New Years?
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Dear Lord!!! The woman deserves the award of the craziest amongst THE crazy! I am sorry Frank. More about your son. Isnt anything/anyone in the f%$*%^ system you can USE to talk some sense into her about the way she treats the kids? The woman is dangerous! Stay strong K
I agree with Kalni. So hard to believe that there is not some way that these recurring "over reactions", especially her frequent calling of the police, couldn't be used against her in the court proceedings.
I assume you are filling your lawyer in on all of her madness with specifics and details. And hopefully your lawyer is planning how she can best use your stbx's outlandish behavior to your advantage.
What a shame that your children have to experience the ongoing insanity. You know, not every divorce unfolds in such an ugly way. Your stbx is CHOOSING to leave numerous scars on your children by the antagonistic and hateful way she is making this divorce unfold.
If, like me, you believe that ultimately the mean and nasty people of the world get what's coming to them, you have to believe that your wife will suffer greatly one day for the pain and suffering she is dragging your children through.
Her parents must be as insane as she is to not step forward and do something about her. Shame on them.
As for you, standing your ground is really good FIB. Time for you to take charge and do what you know is right and in your childrens best interestes, regardless of what your wife thinks about it. I have to believe that these recrurring phone calls to the police will eventually bite her in the ass.
Prayers for a quick and merciful end to this really horrible situation. For you AND for the kids.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Once upon a time, there was a man who so desperately wanted to save his marriage, who wanted his children to live in the same home with two loving parents, who believed in miracles. He worked so hard to be better than he was...to get help both for himself and his wife...and thought that this achievable.
Over time, he began to realize that you cannot change other people nor can you force someone to stay in love. He began to see that a person that has so much inner conflict and pain that it becomes nearly impossible for them to nurture a loving relationship. Painfully, he saw that some people can be consumed with so much anger and hate, that, it will supercede their love for their children to the point that their actions hurt the small innocent ones. They become unable to put the children's needs first. They desperately need to punish their spouse at all costs. The memories of creating life together, of building a home together, of promises made to respect each other.....are extinguished not much differently than stomping on a cigarette on the ground, grinding it down with their heel and walking away.
Sadly, the actions of the other person begin to destroy you and when, constantly exposed to them, you begin to wither. They poison you even when you have released them to find the happiness they claim they so desperately want. The brush stroke they paint you with becomes darker and thicker and only in shades of grays and black.
I have done my best to do ONLY what is required of me by law to part from my wife. I have tried not to torture her nor to avoid my responsibility of giving her a fair division of what she deserves. Yet, I am still, verbally abused. My son complains that he is not allowed to call me. The police are called when I allow my son to have a sleepover playdate and I am financially dragged to trial that will bankrupt both of us.
Know what?
I still play with my children. I teach my son to do as best he can in school. "Better to get the grades and not need them than, need them, and not have them to do what you want in your life." Last night, he couldn't fall asleep and he came down to me on the couch where I sleep for this week. He told me that he wanted to design video games. We talked about knowing computers, engineering, art work and talked about companies like Activision...at age 9. I encouraged him and told him that he was artistically talented and he could do whatever he wanted in life if he strives to achieve it.
I still give my daughter a piggy back ride down from her bed in the morning to breakfast.
I brush my son's brow at night when he can't get to sleep until he drifts off..and I kiss him goodbye while he sleeps before leaving at 6 AM.
I check on my daughter and make sure her covers are pulled up and kiss her goodbye as well.
I stay a loving father in spite of my wife's wishes to exclude me as one.
As the 4 year anniversary of the "I love you but I want the romance back" approaches in May, I still must struggle to become financially solvent again, but, my children still love me. I still help sick people to get better. And...I am a different person than I was when I was bombed. I do not love the person that my STBXW has become. She has done her work well.
Happy New Year all.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
The woman is whirling out of control. Setting and maintaining boundaries does a world of good for all. Consider recording her interactions. When the former spouse would go nutso on me, I'd immediately write an email to my lawyer detailing the conversation, any threats made, date and time. Writing it while it was fresh in my mind was a great way to document those stressful occurrences.
My New Year's Eve was solitary but not lonely. At first I was going to see a movie, then go to the hospital and do Reiki or any of the calming skills I've been trained in. In the end, I decided to stay with my ailing pooch, read a good book, text the kids (who were scattered throughout New England) Happy New Year. One even called minutes after midnight to wish me one as well. It was all good.
Reading about your father time touched my heart, the love and loving ways you're just there for your kids. Here's something I wrote when my children were younger..
The Kiss Never Missed
What a sweet bundle she is, the glow of the nightlight caressing the rounded face of the sleeping child.
Each night before I retire, each child is checked, tucked and touched. The oldest will often have passed out in the middle of a task. How reminiscent teenagers are of two year olds when their steam peters out. An encouraging word and wee nudge is enough to get him going in a lumbering zombie like manner to bed uttering some strange guttural sounds.
The second checked is ten with a penchant for angles of any type. Many times the entrance will have to be perused for booby traps and/or clever inventions created before sleep. It's amazing how insidious and well-placed miniscule Lego's are in a boy's room. The elastic face ranging from gruesome to angelic is relaxed, as the glasses are removed. His knees always lower as the spectacles come off. A kiss on the forehead brings a grimace to his dreams, so a hug soft is given instead.
The last is the youngest, a six year old girl with waist length curly hair. PoohBear with his honey pot bathes her sleeping form in softest light. Many friends of stuffed and velvety demeanor join her in her slumber of innocence and butterflies. So gentle does she sleep, the last vestiges of babyhood evident in how she curls and cuddles.
Every night the soul whispers.. This is the kiss ne'er to be missed. Though each child is tucked and touched, with her a communion exists. Where her brothers shirk or wriggle, she relaxes.
How many more nights will the kiss of the mother bring that final settling before the need for independence asserts itself even in sleep? The kiss to the innocent, the kiss of unconditional love, the kiss of soothing.. the kiss ne'er to be missed completes every night.
