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Pearl-

I have to wonder if what you wrote below applies to my X. Sounds like it. Compatible, great projects together, but he felt the lack of spark. It hurts to read this, but it is also good to think about.

[/quote]Many people tell me that they don't think I am in love with BF. I tell them that I know I love him and people can't be in love all the time, it just doesn't work that way. Does it? I don't want to utter the dreaded ILYBNILWY, but I know that it's true. There is no longer a spark or a feeling of deep connection on my part. I was at my cousin's wedding a couple weeks ago and cried at their vows because the sentiment was so beautiful and I know I don't feel that way about BF.

On the flip side, we have a good life together. We compliment each other. We get along well. We have fun together. We weathered a terrible storm and our relationship has improved somewhat. We have been together for almost 10 years and that's nothing to sneeze at

So basically it's the same old, same old.[quote]

You've been working at this a long time. You also say: it feels like a weight has been lifted.

That seems big, to me. I always believe that your stomach knows what the right thing to do is. And our heads and hearts often don't agree.

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Aver, I feel bad that my post may have caused you pain. Perhaps X did feel the same way, but he should've been man enough to bring it up before he hooked up with OW.

I'm really trying not to just up and leave BF one day because I can't take it anymore. I've told him how I feel that something is missing, that I do love him and I'm trying to make it work. I'm doing things to bring the spark back and hoping it works. But I also want him to be forewarned in case it doesn't. I don't think it's fair to either one of us to continue for another 10 or more years if I don't fully love him.

I don't think there's anything more BF can do. He has made some changes for the better, but ulitmately he is who he is. And I am no longer attracted to that person. I used to think that I made my choice to be with him so I had to stick with it no matter how I felt now. After meeting someone with whom I have so much chemistry that my knees went weak when he looked at me I realized that I can still have that attraction to someone and I'm not sure I want to live the rest of my life without it. I know BF feels is for me and I am sad that I don't.

I'm not saying the feeling of the weight lifting is in regards to ending the R with BF, just with being able to make solid plans to move knowing that he understands why I need to do it and that he will be supportive. At least that's what my head and heart are saying. Maybe in the end you and my gut will turn out to be right.

Last edited by pearlharbr; 06/29/10 05:50 PM.

If you love somebody, set them free.
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PH--no worries, no pain. Just more insight.

I vacillated for years over whether X was the right guy for me. But one reason I stuck was exactly what you said: [/quote]I used to think that I made my choice to be with him so I had to stick with it no matter how I felt now[/quote].

And now I can see that doesn't, or didn't, make sense. You both deserve to be loved, made weak in the knees, etc.

SF will give you both some space to breathe, and see what head, heart, guts say. I think they do all three have to align in order to know you are making the best decision.

Thoughts with you!

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