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So, starting up a new one with hopes that the new year brings more of the good stuff....

Old thread closed is here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1752065&page=44

Welcome, 2010! Merry Christmas!!

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Merry Christmas Donna!!!

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Donna - Have a great Christmas and many blessings in the New Year!


"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn

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I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year! Looks like we may get the blizzard these next two days so a white christmas at least.

hugs and blessings, kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Today's horoscope (sometimes these are freaky!!):

"Shake off those holiday doldrums. The sooner you get up and face the day full on, the more accomplished you'll feel. Take care of the most pressing things first and foremost. This is one of those times when daydreaming can really work to your advantage. The more you can manage to take your mind off the inevitable, the easier it will be to get through the tougher moments. You may have to go through this alone, but if someone offers you their hand, by all means, take it."


Merry Christmas, DB Friends!! My kids will be here in 3 hours, and I'm off to get ready for them!

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So, I find myself sitting here.

The kids are away; they were here from 4 last night until 11 this morning. We had a wonderful dinner last night (Feast of the Seven Fishes). S14 helped me cook and in-laws came over.
Presents this morning; we were so fortunate to share nice gifts with each other. Christmas in less than 24 hours (like my Thanksgiving which lasted for 4 hours).

I watched some tv, straightened up a bit, took a long nap with the puppy.

I didn't go to the x's brother's house with the rest of the family (I had been invited).

I made the decision, and it is still sitting strangely.

X threw me away...am I doing the same thing with all the people he came with? I question myself if I still want a R with them.
The xBIL who's fiance/now wife didn't want me at her shower, afraid I would cause a scene. They have a son who is 6 months old now who I have never met; not an email or card for gifts I sent for his birth. (It was his house where Christmas was being held).
The xSIL who cosigned x's new house so he could move in with his gf/affair partner only a few months after the divorce. Who just closed on a house with her own married boyfriend/long time affair partner. Oh, yeah, his divorce is almost final, even though their affair has been at least 15 years.
Great-grandma who just wants "a nice visit."
The other xSIL who is long-suffering with a near-useless H, but who has at least stayed married...admittedly jealous of the friendship I have forged with her mother.
Oh, there is the one xBIL and his wife who have remained pretty decent, but are also squeezed into the uncomfortable position of wanting to be there for a brother who is so at-odds with their own convictions.

20 years of connections. Now I am not sure what to do about that...

People complain that the can't pick family. What do you do when you are faced with a choice?

Another creepy horoscope:
"Break free from certain peoples' perceptions of your character at this year's holiday party, and use surprise to your advantage. Changing other people's opinions of you may be as easy as dressing differently or saying something surprising. Odd things can still happen to you, even though you may think you're above it all. Things will be different afterward."
---What if the "something different" is not showing up at all?


That, and just feeling...
unfulfilled, I guess. I found myself looking for snacks when I wasn't even hungry. I realized the root meaning of that word tonight. My stomach is full, but still...
I expected my children to grow up and move away when they were adults, have their own lives. I don't like them not being here, now. Playing with their new toys, just being with me.

Just being with me. That was what I expected my husband to do "as long as we both shall live." I miss that, just someone being with me.
I think I would have put up with near-everything, if he had just done that.
Weird to know that that is unhealthy, while still feeling it.
I am learning, trying so hard, to get to that place where I am ok with just being me, fulfilled with myself.


Just heard a quote I want to remember:
"She is an abused woman - she has been conditioned to not respect a man who doesn't hit her."


Seems to be a contemplative night (no, not crying or seriously down, which is good...)

Anyway, here's to us all making new insights into ourselves and making our lives what we hope them to be, a little more every day. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Last edited by Donna...Found; 12/26/09 05:38 AM.
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Hey there, lovely..

Your post reminded me of this..

Have you ever heard the story of The Elephant and The Twig? In India they train obedience in young elephants (to stop them from escaping) by tying them to a huge immovable object, like a tree, when they are still very young. The tree is so large that no matter how hard the baby elephant pulls and tugs it cannot break free. This develops what is known as ‘learned helplessness’ in the creature. After trying so hard and for so long to break the hold, only to be thwarted time and again, it eventually believes that, no matter what it does, it cannot escape. Ultimately, as a fully-grown adult weighing several tons, they can tie it to a twig and it won’t escape, in fact it won’t even try.

Let's go to the movies this week! I'll bring my twig if you bring yours.. and we'll come up with something to do with them!

*hugs*

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Gypsy, perfect.
I'm about to unload my twig. Looks like I'll be moving to 'Separated' until I join you all over here in 'Surviving'.
Contemplating. What is it that God wants me to do? Oh, I know...be the best Goldey I can be.
May the New Year bring you hope, joy, and love, Donna.


Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse
S:22, S:19, D:16
Filed Oct 08, dismissed
Filed again Jan 10, dismissed
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Learned helplessness?
I've felt that, sometimes, but not so much this holiday...

I did vegetate for most of the day yesterday, and paid for it with not being able to sleep last night, so now I'm pretty tired. I'll work through it to get back on schedule - haven't done that in a while.

I just read this and it has me thinking - also open for suggestions!

Quote:
The most difficult thing you may have to do today is come up with a title that's suitable for your life story.


Now, off to be productive!

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Another great quote:

"This is especially true when we keep finding obstacles in the way of our goals. How we approach those obstacles is directly related to what is going to happen. Your destiny lies in whether you can accept what is, and work with it constructively or rail against it by throwing yourself up against a brick wall. You can insist the universe be anyway you want it to be, however, all the insistence in the world won’t “make it so.”

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