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Well, today is one of those days that I wasn't sure how to handle.

Today is STBXW birthday, I made sure d8 had gifts and card to give to her mom from her, but I had no intention of marking the day as I have been completely dark with her, and given what has been going on between us for the last few months..

However, the more I thought about it yesterday and now, I decided to send a simple email with "Happy Birthday!" in it to her. It may not be the correct thing to do, but I feel ok about it, so did so.

Christmas is right around the corner, and I'll be setting up new traditions between me and d8. I am looking forward to Christmas with her, but also going to miss how we had always done Christmas morning as a family..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Good mornin'.

It's a b!tch that we're in the situations that we are. Nothing wrong with wishing her a happy birthday, and you feel OK about it...so no biggie. It's good for you to do things that are good for you and to you.

I hope you have a great Christmas with your daughter.


antlers

ps - I understand very well about you 'missing' some things that 'were'.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Thanks for checking in, Ant.

I hope you have a great Christmas as well!

Just jotting down some notes, as some things happened last night, and from other posters I have been following, and hope that anyone following keeps it in mind for there own sitch.

Dating: A dangerous DB game for yourself if your not careful.

I went on a date last night, I struggled with if I should or shouldn't, but she is a nice, attractive lady so I did.

We hit it off very easily, have a lot in common, and after a while, she made it known that she was VERY interested in me.

I got caught up in that for a while, after having been where I have been, and not having companionship, having my STBXW rejecting me for many months. It is easy to get caught up in the feeling good aspect of dating, and having someone show genuine interest in you!

However, realize, there are two people here, and I am in no way near or capable of any kind of relationship currently, and I know it.

That has to be out front, and clear, with any dating that you do, or you are going to hurt someone yourself, and that is not healthy!

If you do elect to date, do so with caution and caring!


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Posts: 3,041
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Well, that's gonna be a part of our lives without our former spouses. I want to, and I'm ready...it's just not at the top of my priority list right now. I guess it'll happen when it does.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Wishing you a Merry Christmas with your daughter!
And even if you're not ready for the dating scene, I hope you still had a good time while you were out.
Bunny


W42/H42/M20
S/19,D/17
On My Own: 11/28/09
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Well,

I made it through Christmas better than I thought I would. Managed my emotions and had fun with d8 for the time she was with me.

D8 was amazing this weekend, and couldn't believe how 'many' Christmas' she had in one year! I have to smile at how well she handles things so far.

I took her to the Nutcracker ballet for one of her presents, and I can't tell you how much it means to me to just watch the wide open eyes, and expressions of awe and mystery she gets when she is watching the show. She sits nearly motionless the whole time, just taking in the whole spectacle, and I can't describe it in words to sit and watch her like that! Truly amazing!

I did catch myself wondering if STBXW was sad at all this weekend that d8 was not around. Several times. I tried to shoo those thoughts away as best I could when they came by.

I still had times when I thought back to Christmas' past, and I missed them: STBXW, SSon's, and d8 and our dog. I'll make new memories now, and keep those old memories for myself now..

I don't know what the road ahead has for me, but I'll manage the flat tires, and maybe break the speed limit when no one is watching once in a while...

I also realized that I broke proper etiquette by not properly opening the bar at the beginning of my StBD thread, so bar is now open!

I just mixed up a Silver Patron. Blue Curacao margarita on the rocks with salt for myself.

Anyone need to quench there thirst, step right up!


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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Posts: 444
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IWITW,

Just checked out your last couple of posts on this thread. I agree with the others in that I think you handled the recent sitch with your STBXW the right way. I also agree with your take on the dating issue. I've had some opportunities to date other women crop up recently and I just backed off completely for the same reasons you outlined. As much as I'm craving some female companionship I know I need to steer clear of that stuff for the time being. I'm not ready emotionally for any kind of R right now not to mention that I need to keep a clear head, focus on my kids welfare and get through the financial negotiations on my D.

Regarding getting back into bjj, good for you! It's funny you mentioned that because I have been thinking about looking into bjj myself. Either that or km. Here's the deal: I have been thinking for some time about a martial art that I can get S10 involved in for self esteem/character development. (I did Judo as a kid but I think bjj is better.) I'm thinking both S10 and I could do bjj together and it might help jump start an interest in sports. Then there is km. I've been thinking about km mainly for myself, for a couple of reasons, including the fact that I may wind up having a confrontation with OM in the future (of his own making, not mine). I'm 6-3, 250 lbs and supposedly he's slightly bigger than me and was a helluva wrestler in HS. I'm no slouch- I'm in good shape and not afraid of this punk- but I do watch UFC and see what these wrestlers can do once they get you on the ground. I think that km would probably have similar benefits for my S10 as mentioned above plus I understand it is much easier to master than bjj. I've heard that despite most fights going to the ground, bjj is overrated outside of competition and that if you need to stop a fight in the real world, km is the way to go. What are your thoughts?


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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BJ, Glad your back! Good to hear from you, and thanks for the comments.

I am a complete beginner when it comes to practicing martial arts, so if you have any training at all, you asking me is like Coach asking me for DB advice. smile

Funny that you ask though, as I have been following UFC since it's inception, and one of the popular referee's is nicknamed "Big John" and every time I see him now, I think of you.. LOL

Anyways, first, I seriously hope you do not have any kind of confrontation with the OM, for you and your kids sake, and if you think that is seriously a possibility, maybe you should inform that police ahead of time? Your kids don't need that on top of what is going on in your sitch right now, for sure. I hope that does not come to pass!

At 6'3" and 250, I doubt you have many people that bother you, so hopefully that will come to help you. Heck, I am only 6' and 190, and from what I have come to learn, people seem intimidated by me at times, although I don't see how, that is what they have told me. Everyone always thinks I am 6'2" or better when I am not. I have asked some people about it, and they say it's just a 'presence' that I seem to project, don't know about that, but I have yet to really have to get into phsyical altercations, and not why I am taking a Martial art.

That said, I can't speak to KM specifically, but it would seem a competent form for protection in the street, as that was it's basis in the real world, but I don't have any experience at all with it, or watching it, etc.

BJJ to me is also effective in real world scenario's. The objective is to neutralize any size advantage an opponent may have, while limiting your own exposure and risk, and to disable the opponent. BJJ locks and submissions if used outside the ring will cause devastating injury to joints, ligaments, etc, and that is the focus, through leverage and manipulation, where pure wrestling skills are not focused on that.

BJJ was born from Judo as well, so if you have background in that, it may help with BJJ as well.


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
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So, last night, I was cleaning up the house a bit after Christmas, and found something that was worth noting..

My d8's aunt gave her a 'wishing' teddy bear as one of her presents, and as I am cleaning up last night, I found my d8 had drawn a picture and placed it behind the teddy bear.

The picture was the teddy bear, who was happy and saying 'yay' and a note from d8 saying that this was a great wishing bear. The teddy bear had a 'bubble' that was him wishing, and in that bubble was drawn every one of d8's family, including My STBXW and me standing together, d8 and both SS's underneath us. All of us happy.

I was heartbroken for d8 as I looked at that picture, understanding that she probably wishes her family was still together. It is tough to take, but I also understand that it is probably natural, especially as she processes in her own way what is happening. I will do whatever it takes to help her through this, as I understand she is hurting as well. I'll probably bring up with my IC, and see what he thinks next steps should be.

I wished it could be that we were a happy family also, but that is not to be, and I'll be fine, as I am sure d8 will be as well.


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
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IWITW,

Just popping in tonight for a few minutes. Thanks for the feedback and I agree with everything you said. I'm not actively looking for a fight with anyone- my focus is on my kids and stabilizing my sitch- but there has been a lot of crazy trash talking going on with OM lately so I don't know what to expect. I'll definitely call the cops though if OM wigs out and tries something.

Regarding Big John McCarthy, funny you mention him but he was not the inspiration for my Divorcebuster name, it was actually a nickname my football coach gave me back in HS.

Happy New Year!


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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