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It's been 30 days right? How are you TMW?


Me 54
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Happy Thanksgiving TMW, I hope things are going well and you are looking after and taking care of yourself.


Me 54
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I'm sorry that my last post was kind of mean. I hope I didn't scare you away. I hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving.

2010 could be your year TMW, you know what to do!!!

We believe in you. wink

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Hi, I'm here. I haven't even thought about this site, sorry/glad to say.

BF stayed after my last post. Things were ok through the holidays. He got sick the day after Xmas and that's the day I found out he had been calling & texting 1 of his exgirlfriends. She's married. From Christmas to a couple days after New Years - 33 texts & 8 calls.
Confrontation to both of them - she was sorry and understanding and everything. Same 'ol from him.

He stayed.
(yes, I know how stupid I sound to most of you)

Later that same week he went out with a friend.
I woke up the next morning at 6AM with a gut feeling to look at his phone. He wrote to the friend he went out with (before they went out) that I wouldn't be coming with him, that he might have someone better - that it would be a surprise.

I woke him up at 6 AM - he said it was a joke. I started packing his stuff. That night he slept at a friends.
The next day he went back to the friend and he called my mom asking what he could do.
The next day he came to the house with flowers, candy, an apology card. That week he did dishes and made dinner.
This last week things have been pretty alright.
Last weekend, the internet history showed that he went to Craigslist for another city and was scanning personal ads. Didn't click on any though.

In the spirit of this rebuilding or whatever I didn't say anything.

Well, this morning I found that he was on the local craigslist looking at personal ads and even clicked on at least 1.

So I've got nothing left. There is no understanding or forgiveness left. I sent him a text saying he'd rather look for someone else on personals than work on the R so he has until end of Feb to move out.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Hugs TMW, I wish I could stop you from living my life and going down the same road I have for the last 20 years but I know that I can't. I just pray that you get it sooner than I did, at least you don't have two kids like I do.

btw I do not see it as a good thing that you have not thought of this sight... whatever that means.


Me 54
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Even a mutual friend of ours - he really thought that BF wanted to work on the R and stay in it after what happened 2 weeks ago.

He's really disappointed and upset with BF (mutual friend, for those following along at home is our ex-gay roommate. He was BF's friend first, but has become my BFF). He, along with my mom, my friends - he cannot see how or why I gave BF so many chances - and how BF screwed up so many chances. He says I tried more than any person he has ever met & he doesn't know how I stayed this long.

Right now I feel like it's nothing more than the fact that I don't have anymore understanding and or forgiveness.
I still love and care.
Geesh - hasn't anyone found that switch to turn that off yet.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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The switch is internal and only you can turn it off by realizing that you are worth so much more than this pozer can offer.


Me 54
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Married 06/1989
Divorced 01/2011
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He came home, acted like nothing was wrong. I didn't say anything. Watched some tv, he was on the computer for a little while. I came down and asked if he wanted his pillow or anything from the bedroom and he got all upset and we fought a little. I told him - I don't have any understanding or forgiveness left. I told him he's sabotaging the relationship because everytime I give him another chance and start trusting him again, he does something to ruin it. I tried asking him why - but he didn't know. That's when I told him to grow up. He says I'm crazy and I'll never trust him. He says looking at personal ads is no big deal - I told him that right there shows that he doesn't realize that it is a big deal when you are supposed to be in a committed relationship.

At one point when we were arguing about him leaving - he apparently talked to someone who told him I have to give him a written 30 day eviction notice and he can appeal it and make it go on for 6 months or more. I asked if he really wanted to do that - and if so he should just get a mortgage and take over the frickin house. He said several times he doesn't want to leave and wants the relationship. I told him I don't understand why when his actions time and time and time and time (etc) again he doesn't show it. He asked what I wanted and I told him, "you
may not remember but when we first started dating the 1 thing I asked for was honesty and you've never been able to do do that" he said he'd try. I told him I've heard it before. That was pretty much the point where I went to bed.

Who knows. He slept on the couch. I told him this morning that he can think about things today, tonight - whenever. If he has something he wants me to know, he knows all the ways he can communicate with me.



My head knows - knows I am done and I give up and there's no more. My heart is part way there, but not 100%.


I know some people reading this think I'm stupid, crazy, pathetic or whatever else they want to say. To those - I want to say you aren't here, you read the 15 seconds of a day that gets posted. If you haven't been in this exact situation here and now- you don't fully know. Not to mention it's my life and I live with my decisions and look myself in the mirror. I do take those close to the situation - I take their opinion into heavy consideration. Like our mutual friend. When he is telling me BF uses me, doesn't love me, etc - that weighs heavy with my heart. Not that I don't value the opinion of others or that there aren't certain individuals on this board who I don't have great respect for.
I'm just trying to say, basically, don't read 1 post and send me messages telling me what a loser I am.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Well since I seem to be the only one responding I do not think you are a loser nor have I ever called you that. I have been with you on this board since day one and I am well aware of your entire story, what you post here and what you don't post here, because I have lived it and still am living it to some extent.

Oh I just realized I did change my name, TMW, this is Sara (NNP).

You are right, no one has to live with your decisions but you.


Me 54
DS19 and DS17
Married 06/1989
Divorced 01/2011
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No, I know you don't think that. I know that there are others.

I know who you are sweetie. smile


My mom said the same thing - the only advice she will give me is to follow my own advice. She said she always followed what everyone else told her and that's why she's on H #3. She said she doesn't want me to go through a breakup and regret it but she doesn't want me to stay and get hurt again.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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