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Hey BJ, if you happen to pop in, got 2 sec's to run by my sitch and have any advice for my latest long post???

Thanks man.
IWITW..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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BigJohn Offline OP
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HB20,

Sorry to hear about your sitch. You know, I'm of the same mindset as you are right now- cut my W loose and let her face the consequences of her poor decisions. The longer my sitch goes on the more pissed off I get over how I've been treated by my W. Not that I didn't deserve some of the pain I've received- I did due to my own oversights and poor choices. But my W's behavior and ongoing treatment of me throughout my sitch has gone WAY OVERBOARD.

Appropriate song selection by the way. If this keeps up I may have to start another thread for a playlist. laugh

Thanks for stopping by.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Quote:
But my W's behavior and ongoing treatment of me throughout my sitch has gone WAY OVERBOARD.


I feel for you, I don't have this 'in your face' type stuff as you do, and I seem to be only barely scraping by emotionally.

You get kudo's from me BJ, no doubt about it. I don't know how you even do it.

But, we endure, I suppose, not many other choices, is there?


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
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BigJohn Offline OP
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IWITW,

Some days I don't know how I pull it off either. I don't think I could survive this ordeal emotionally or otherwise if I had not been able to achieve complete detachment.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Originally Posted By: BigJohn
HB20,

Sorry to hear about your sitch. You know, I'm of the same mindset as you are right now- cut my W loose and let her face the consequences of her poor decisions. The longer my sitch goes on the more pissed off I get over how I've been treated by my W. Not that I didn't deserve some of the pain I've received- I did due to my own oversights and poor choices. But my W's behavior and ongoing treatment of me throughout my sitch has gone WAY OVERBOARD.

Appropriate song selection by the way. If this keeps up I may have to start another thread for a playlist. laugh

Thanks for stopping by.



BJ - A playlist might not be a bad idea....

My W acts differently than yours, mine wants to be best buds and friendly "coparents" but definitely not married. She's nice as pie much of the time so I am lucky I guess, although it would probably be easier to walk away if she was a constant witch. She is nice, but cool/cold emotionally, during most of our interactions. Just when I think she may be coming back around a little, she tells me more about what her lawyer said, etc., regarding making the divorce happen more quickly. So I try to stay detached as much as possible. Not easy.

Anyway, sure wish you luck with your sitch, sounds like you're hanging tough so keep it up.

So


Me 47
W 44
D16, D13
T 23yrs
M 20yrs
WAW/MLC + Male EA "BFF from H.S." = Misery

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Hey BJ can u read my posts over at emotional detachment

JMan


M:35
W:36
M:10 yrs
T:11.5 yrs
C: B7, G3
ED: 3/09
DB: 3/20/09
Served 12-8-09
Still going through the process
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Originally Posted By: Heartbroken20
She is nice, but cool/cold emotionally, during most of our interactions. Just when I think she may be coming back around a little, she tells me more about what her lawyer said, etc., regarding making the divorce happen more quickly. So I try to stay detached as much as possible. Not easy.


HB20,

I get the same thing from my W. Right now, she is working on addressing me by my first name in conversations instead of "hon", which is how we have addressed each other for the last 19 + years. Apparently those terms of endearment are bad habits to break. Then again, she has her pet name/s for OM to consider also, so I can see where it could get confusing. crazy The stupidity of it all drives me wild if I think about it too long but it does make it easier to detach.

Hang in there.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Originally Posted By: BigJohn

HB20,

I get the same thing from my W. Right now, she is working on addressing me by my first name in conversations instead of "hon", which is how we have addressed each other for the last 19 + years. Apparently those terms of endearment are bad habits to break. Then again, she has her pet name/s for OM to consider also, so I can see where it could get confusing. crazy The stupidity of it all drives me wild if I think about it too long but it does make it easier to detach.

Hang in there.



Know how that feels. Nothing like feeling like a total stranger in your own house. I don't really get it but guess I don't need to any more. She has retained her lawyer and I have retained mine. And so it begins.....

First item on the agenda: How to split the time with our girls between us. She'll be moving out as this whole thing is her idea and I will stay in our house. She wants to alternate weeks like some of her divorced friends do. I don't want our girls to feel like they don't really live at their home anymore but now have two places to have to try to make feel like home. Not sure the best way to do it.

First meeting with all parties will be after Thanksgiving (what a great holiday it will be!) so hopefully I'll figure it out by then. Still detaching so it doesn't hurt so much and trying to be cordial but business-like, as trying to be the nice guy has gotten me absolutely nowhere.

You hang in there too. Still hoping you can work things out if that's what you want. It's a lost cause as long as OM is in the picture so I hope she tires of him soon before she does any more damage. As for my M, I've given up on it despite knowing that things could have worked out if she had made any effort to do so. What a waste. BUT time to move on.....


Me 47
W 44
D16, D13
T 23yrs
M 20yrs
WAW/MLC + Male EA "BFF from H.S." = Misery

My Sitch
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Breaking herself from calling you "hon" is all part of her D you and moving on. I know things like this must still be very painful for you b/c it is big "sign" she's holding up to remind you how she's moving on in her distorted world. And, she's very aware of what she's doing.

I still check your thread out BJ. Just don't know much to say that I haven't already....at this point. But wanted you to know I'm still here in your corner.

Sandi


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Have not seen BJ on for a while now, hope all is well BJ! Let us know how your doing!


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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