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BJ, sounds like your in good shape. Legally, how long are from some kind of resolution?

My L has suggested that MA court may say to waw to get a job too, or they can use something called 'atribution of income' in deciding payments. Ased on what she 'should' be making full time if she decides not too.

This is still grey area though, and probably depends on what judge you get, and how the L do.


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
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BigJohn Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
BJ, sounds like your in good shape. Legally, how long are from some kind of resolution?


IWITW,

My W and I have agreed to child custody, move-out order (her), gainful employment (her) and stay away order (originally singled out OM only but I conceded on language making it unilteral) all out of court. So far so good. Trying to keep things out of court as best I can to keep costs and aggravation down as much as possible. Right now I'm trying to refinance my house to get my W her share of the equity. If I can pull off the refi I will be a happy camper.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Hey BJ,

Just wanted to check in how are things going with your sit?


M:35
W:36
M:10 yrs
T:11.5 yrs
C: B7, G3
ED: 3/09
DB: 3/20/09
Served 12-8-09
Still going through the process
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BigJohn Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Jman
Hey BJ,

Just wanted to check in how are things going with your sit?



Hey Jman,

Well, right now I'm working on trying to pull off a refi on my mortgage to try and save the house. I've obtained some preliminary numbers from a mortgage broker and I have a realtor coming over this week to write up a market analysis on my home. If I can pull off this refi, I'm going to really be happy for me and the kids. As for my W, she is still sitting on her a$$, not really looking for work and STILL talking to this jacka$$ OM. I swear my W acts like a damn crackhead when it comes to OM and he is just such a POS. What a nut. crazy I just want her out of the house so she can detoxify/rehab at someone else's expense- like her own!! Damn, I can't tell you how done I am carrying 100% of the load around here while she plays around online with OM.

But enough about me. How you been? Any positive development in your sitch lately?


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Man..I tell yeah what is wrong with these people..I guess seperation and divorce is the only way to possibly wake them up because they are so snowed its so rediculous...

So anyway I have been waiting to post something due to wife acting good for a few days but most of the time she is just shut down and cold to me...IDK what her problem is and now she acts short tempered with everything including the kids she does not say hi to them just tells them to do things when she has not seen them for 8 hours when she gets home from work..She is not eating any dinner that I cook IDK if she eats at all except at work...She has turned into a grouch around the house and always expecting things...this is totally uncharacteristic of her former self..she was so laid back and now she seems very tense all the time...It could possibly be because she is taking on more responsibility around the house and the fact that she is being forced transferred out of her location where her days off are changing and work hours...But the most important thing is that the OM she was working with is moving to another location too...Only those two were moved out of her area...Isn't that a b----? or Karma or I consider it from prayers...

She is such a sour puss and negative about everything and I am about to confront her about her behavior towards the children I will not put up with her talking to them in a negative fashion when they have not done anything...Today she did not wear her wedding rings to work and I think she hasn't been wearing them when I am at the station...Hey it is fine by me they are worth alot of money if she don't want to wear them I will keep them...But she still will not file she said she has not left because of the kids and finances but she is the one who is miserable...I have taken care of her for 10 years and she is miserable? She has taken advantage of me is the way I look at it and she is so ungrateful...She has put on her facebook about bloodwork she had done and she possibly has a thyroid problem now and I asked her tonight about it and she said she did not know anything about her bloodwork..I told her that she knew and that no matter what I still care about her...she never responded back with the Instant message after my comment to her...

We are suppose to go to her family's house in another state for Thanksgiving and the kids have mentioned that they want to go...that subject has not been brought up yet except earlier in the month she said we were broke and we could not go I told her there was a way if we budgeted for the next month there was a way but she did not say anything after that too...Nothing but negativity...IDk if I would want to go even though her parents are loving towards me I would feel uncomfortable...

I am going to wait until the beginning of December to initiate relationship talk with her and go from there...She will not initiate relationship talk with me she has always suppressed her feelings inside and this is something that has gone on since she was a kid so it is nothing that I can do she is the only one that can do something about it if she wants too..It is up to her and I have to leave it at that..

Also I signed up for Michelles and the Stronger families live with Jeff Kemp on the internet coming up Nov 4 and Nov 12..
Maybe there is something there that can help me I can only hope and stay positive about it..
Until next time

Last edited by Jman; 10/30/09 04:16 AM.

M:35
W:36
M:10 yrs
T:11.5 yrs
C: B7, G3
ED: 3/09
DB: 3/20/09
Served 12-8-09
Still going through the process
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Quote:
Damn, I can't tell you how done I am carrying 100% of the load around here while she plays around online with OM.


Bet you never thought you would feel this way, did you? I hate that you have to endure her under your roof. Hope you get your own space soon, then you can at least find some peace and not put up with her. Are you getting out and finding a social life?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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BigJohn Offline OP
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Hey Sandi,

I didn't realize how strong of an unconscious positive bias I had developed for my W (love) until I lost it. Now that I am seeing things objectively I've come to (and continue to come to) a number of conclusions about my W and our MR, one of which is that I will be just fine without her should we finalize the D.

As far as enduring my W under the same roof, it has in many ways gotten easier since I detached and stopped caring what she is doing, saying and with whom, although she still manages to irritate me from time to time. I continue to work on the refi project with my Realtor, mortgage broker and L. Hopefully we will have a package put together soon so we can move forward and cash my W out of the house.

As far as a social life, I've been going out from time to time with friends for dinners and movies, sailing and spending time with my kids and my side of the family- just keeping things light for now. wink

Thanks for checking in on me! ((Sandi))


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Sailing sounds like a wonderful way to find peace. smile


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
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Quote:
Hopefully we will have a package put together soon so we can move forward and cash my W out of the house.


Good luck BJ, I am pulling for you. Now that I am out, I have found an extra measure of peace. I believe you will find the same after, so keep that in mind as you progress. You'll get an even more objective view of things without her around all the time 'in your space' so to speak.

That brings a whole new set of questions. Would you even want to save the MR if she comes back around? And many more, although you man already be contemplating those.. smile


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
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BigJohn Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
Sailing sounds like a wonderful way to find peace. smile


Hope,

I'm fortunate to have a good friend who has a 40' sailboat. I've been out with him several times on the (SF) Bay, last time was during Fleet Week. What a blast. And yes, it is both peaceful and relaxing. smile


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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