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well it seems I really was a source of irritation and inconvenience to XH. D14 came home from his house last night to tell me he is getting M on Thursday morning. He claims to have only found out yesterday. He will have allowed exactly 22 days to elapse since our D. That just one day for each year of our M life together. Talk about a shot gun wedding.

He told D14 yesterday morning whilst OW told XMIL. S17 was still in bed at this point so they told him in the afternoon. D19 finally got a call about 8pm last night. By this time I knew.

XH took D14 out to buy her a dress for the wedding. The one she wanted he wouldn't buy cos it was black. So she settled on a navy blue and white one. OW says it's too short and says she can't wear it. It is short but she is 14 and has a stunning figure. More to the point ITS THE FASHION! XH then decided that whe will probably recind both D14s and XMILs invite to the wedding. WTF????????????????????????

S17 said they told him D14 and XMIL were going to the wedding and then watied expectantly for him to say he would go to. He didn't give them what they wanted. This shocked me given that he has been living with them for 18 months.

D19 just said 'Oh'. She then sent him a TM imploring him to think again and trying to point out the error os his ways. His reply was nasty. He told the reason he can't help her out at uni is b/c I've got £40k of his money (the amount I have agreed to buy him out of the house with). He told her I never looked after her when she was little. I took an 11yr career break to bring up my children. If I wasn't looking after them what the hell was I doing? She knows it was all backlash but it hurt us both tp hear it.

Me? I sobbed. Not for me but for my children. Thank goodness I had my party on Friday. If I'd heard this news then I wouldn't have gone. As it is I had a fabulous night.

It's very clear to me that XH has not moved one inch within replay for the entire 4+ yrs he has been there.

Last edited by ACJ; 10/26/09 07:32 AM.

Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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ACJ, I hear you my friend, this is terrible news for you, it is exactly what my ex did, only he did it within the first 12 months of leaving us. I too dont think my ex as moved inside the tunnel and probably replay in the same amount of time as yours, it is heart rendering to watch them trash their life as well as the childrens in all this. My ex is without money, job and car now, it as taken him exactly 3 years to get shut of a substantial amount of money that he inherited from his fathers death, we can only hope and pray that someday sanity will return to thes mlc'ers and they will face up to what they have got themselves into and what they left behind. My ex also dictated to son that he would be going to the wedding and even showed him the suit he would be wearing, son did not go to the wedding through his own choice. what a mess they have created for themselves. take care honey and keep your chin up

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Just caught up with your post. Remember he is clearly not thinking at all. Just when you think they can't humiliate themselves more they do it.

Remember, this will not be a marriage that god condones, therefore it will be like a living hell for them both.

I have come to realize that these guys are in such need of attention, love, affirmation, that they will do anything to get it, it clouds rational thought.

I am sorry you have to go through this, he is an idiot.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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D14 originally picked a BLACK dress-- good one!

OW doesn't want your girl wearing the "short" dress because the pregnant cow doesn't want to be outshone at her classy shotgun wedding.

You're kids are having a tough time, but they will be okay (because they have YOU). Honestly, I feel sorry for X and OW's baby-- it's not a good situation he/she/it is being born into.

Not your problem, though!

Last edited by Andabelle; 10/26/09 03:35 PM.
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Oh, I feel for you as I am in the same boat. Just was told last night though I have no idea when. He told the boys on Thursday and asked them to not tell me. he broke the news to the girls yesterday. Told me that he wanted to explain the reason D10 was in a bad mood, I am engaged he said and I promptly pushed him out the door and shut it.

Cried for a bit off and on but am feeling better now. All four kids said they don't want to be any part of his wedding. Too bad ex doesn't see that as an ominous sign.

hugs, kat


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S24, S21, D18, D17
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Thank you for all your kind wishes.

I know none of this is my problem but it does cause anxiety to my children so I don't feel I can walk away from it. I've had no correspondence with him at all personally.

D19 tried to talk D14 out of going to the wedding last night. As you know she lives away so did this by phone. Even though D14 was sat in another room I could hear what she was saying. She kept telling D19 that it was ok for her she no longer lives at home and doesn't have to deal with this on a daily basis. I also heard her say 'look D19 if I want to take the easy option and do what dad asks of me I will.' they argued for a while and eventually D14 hung up the phone. I made no mention of it not even the fact that I had overheard. I was really hurt by some of what she said but I know deep down that this is just her attempt to retain some recognition from her father. Those of you who weren't reading my threads in the early days won't know that when XH left she was 10. Two weeks in he told her he had wanted to leave for 10yrs. Astute little girl that she was/is she has been left thinking ever since that it was her fault that he left. He can't/won't see that though.

I'm alright today just reeling from the latest spin on the rollercoaster. I dread to think what's going to happen the day the baby is born. I feel so sorry for the poor little thing being born into all of this. On the other hand I can't help but resent her.


Me 43
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Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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OMG, ACJ! I guess this should've been expected. I wonder if this is just who he is, rather than in his MLC and in the tunnel, as it were. After all, he has not always faithful during the M, and I wonder how long before he starts with this STBW. My heart just aches for your kids. I doubt if he's going to help D19 with school even if he has that money from the divorce. Look how he struggles to pay child support for D14. I still wish S16 would've stayed at home, but it won't be long before he's beyond child support that you're paying. Thank goodness, you are a woman with a career and are able to work. I just bow down to your strength and courage.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
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Thanks BM
I don't know if you are right or wrong about XH. I do believe that for most of our M he was faithful but I'll never know for certain.

Just today I have had another conversation with child maintenance people. Despite the fact they have substantiated what I said last week they still won't progress my claim as XH has said he should hear from Child Benefit on Mov 11th. I challenged this a little further and they then revealed that he had said he had been told it takes 12 weeks to progress a claim. 12 wks back from Nov 11th is 19th Aug (S17s bday). I got my letter on 15th Sept. So they rang him again and he said he had never recevied a letter when I did so would now be making another challenge. The womand said I would have to wat. I later rang them back and pointed out that if he has yet to make the challenge I am legally entilted to money now. This second person agreed with me. I have resorted to getting my L involved in this. XH is just trying to stall things so that he can buy his new big house. Why should I have to sell my home just to enalbe this?


Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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P.S XH came round while I was at work today. It is half term here. He came to collect D14s dress that he bought her yesterday. He took it back as OW said it was too short! D14 is now not sure if she wants to go to the wedding after all. That will make none of his children there is she decides not to go.


Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
Joined: Nov 2007
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So sad. Nurture your kids as best as you can through this.
This situation is a mess....


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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