why it takes d for so many to "get it"

[EJohn]

Have to agree with Alex. My wife told me on many occasions that I was the perfect husband, great father, and could never be happier with anyone else. Just a few months after the last time she said this (still have the email) she's in an affair and I had caused her great pain for many years, that it was all my fault, and she tried talking to me for a long time. There were absolutely no letters, no conversations, nothing stating a problem. (I had actually tried talking to her before the A because I thought we were growing apart) I own the faults that I'm aware of, but none of them were big enough to push anyone away IMHO, and I truly have no idea why she left. She won't tell me. (this certainly isn't your case LL)

Back to the original post. I think a lot of people don't want to change until they're forced to.... or it's their idea. That is human nature, my job revolves around changing behaviour in the workplace for safety, deal with it all the time.

I wish my wife would have written me letters, did 180's, ANYTHING!

[alexjadams]

AND I QUOTE

THIS IS A WAS

Very Scared,

I can echo the comments of the previous posters with the exception that I didn't find that I was looking for. What I wanted was right in front of me. Unfortunately by the time I realized it he was no longer interested in making it work which is my reason for being here. I wish the best for you and hope that you are able to find the peace and support that you need here. Keep your head up and keep DBing!

THS IS A LBS

My ex was a WAW. Like so many men I didn't see it coming and was just floored when it happened. I discovered DB in the aftermath when the relationship was well over. I tried the steps and went dark for a month. After a few weeks dark, she initiated contact and there was a glimmer of hope for bit, but the minute I started to feel like things could work out she was back to the same chaotic behavior. I finally had to take a hard look at my situation and I realized that I might be able to save my relationship if I was willing to fight it out for several months, maybe years. We met for dinner one night and I realized that it wasn't a path I could put myself through. I was already bitter about what were going through then and I couldn't imagine what I would be like after a year of that hell. I chose to close the door on the relationship and go on with life and it was the best decision I ever made. Two years out and I have a wonderful wife who is amazing and makes me thankful I made the decision I did. My WAW is now going through another divorce and has called me several times to let me know that she made a mistake and that she will never marry again. NOt that long ago I would have gloated over how right I was , now I just feel pity for her. My point is this gentlemen - if you are involved in a WAW situation, weigh carefully how far you're willing to go and what you're willing to put up with to make reconcile your marriage. A WAW is like a tornado, her life is a mass of choas that will will suck you up and throw you all over the place cauing untold damage. I sympathize and support those who are trying to make their marriage work and have children involved but if you're like I was (no kids just a crazy WAW who thought she knew exactly what she was doing) then consider what you're willing to go through. You didn't walk away, she did and a better life might be a lot closer than you think. I'm two years out from my WAW - I'm remarried and happier than I've ever been, her...well, she's asked me for help straightening out her life now but I'm not her husband anymore and can only do so much. Your choice - you didn't walk away and there are good women out there. I took what I learned here and used it my current marriage and while it may not be perfect, my eyes are open and I'm trying really hard not to make the same mistakes again. Two years out and truly, truly happy!!

Sadly they could be each other's ex's

[brknheart]

Some interesting comments. My W can be considered a WAW. We both took the marriage for granted, she didnt stress clearly enough how unhappy she was. Her leaving and wanting a D opened my eyes and mind. Im becoming a better person. She says thats good, and I will make a good H for my next W. She says she cant love me anymore, she has no choice. Everyone has a choice. I still hope that she sees the light at and changes her mind before its to late. Ive made steps to move on, think about my future. The days are getting better. You never know what you have until its gone.