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Quote:
It is time to have PEACE

T I couldn't agree with you more but it's not about to happen.

Yesterday was a real mix of good and sad things and it ended up with me having a complete melt down.

Good financial thing was that CSA finally caught up with XH and as of 12th Oct he will have to pay me maintenance for the half time D14 spends with me. That's a weight off my mind as it will greatly help towards the new huge mortgage I am about to take on.

Sad v. emotional thing has been bubbling for a while. I had plans to meet my friend last night to see another friend play in a band. This did happen. However I knew at the end ofthe eve she was going onto the bday party of the guy I had a fling with a few weeks ago. We met through her. I thought I could handle this but it turned out I couldn't and I ended up leaving v. early in order to save myself the embarrssment of breaking donw in public. I sobbed myself to sleep. When I think about this I got upset b/c I have fought so long the forced exclusion from my old life and this just felt like it was starting all over again in my new life. I've got to get to grips with this before it damages my friendship with this particular individual.

This morning I finally got in the post my D certificate. I sobbed some more and now I look like I've been in a boxing match and lost.

I'm not sure there ever is peace in life.


Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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ACJ, wot can I say. I know how you feel honey, but keep your chin up. They dont know what they have put us through and what they continue to put us through. I ask myself sometimes how did my happy little contented life turn into this. Buy you know what ACJ it has happened for a reason I do believe that, and I also believe that the ex's will regret someday what they have done, there is no excuse for it and in mine and yours case no reason for it, they have walked and thrown all this crap our way, one day ACJ they will have it done to them also, and it is then that they will realise what they put us through, take care love, thinking of you, its not easy but dont let the buggers get you down, xxxx

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Sending hugs your way, ACJ.


The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19
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Thanks for the hugs.

I'm feeling better today. Yesterday I went to see my parents and then D14 and I went to stay with D19 and her BF. They have recently moved in together and it was the first time we had seen thier apartment. It was lovely. It's in a little country village with fields all around. Not what students normally want but D19 is obviously very happy and that is the most important thing.

XH continues to cause D14 stress but she is insistent that she still wants to go stay with him this week so I just have to be here in case I need to pick up the pieces again.


Me 43
XH 45
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Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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(((((ACJ))))) I just wanted to check in on you and make sure you are doing ok. continue to be there for your kids and let your ex deal with his own messes. that took me a while to learn.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Thanks Katz. In the main I do let XH get own with his own messes. Trouble is if that involves the kids and they wish to speak to me about it it becomes very difficult not to get involved.

Just yesterday XH caused another down on the rollercoaster that has become all of our lives. I had a call from the CSA again. Seems XH has put in a counter challenge against maintenance for D14. He told them he expects to be in receipt of the child benefit in 4 weeks and therefore is entitled to a challenge. This is all despite the fact that I have letters and bank deposits showing that I am in receipt of child benefit and am therefore the only person entitled to claim maintenance. CSA won't start payments until they have checked this out. Phoned benefit office myself and they said they have nothing regarding a challenge on their systems but it can sometimes take 3 weeks for it to appear on the computer!!!!!!!! At this rate it will be after Xmas before I get any money out of him. Why won't he just pay up for his children. What have they done that makes him not want to provide for them? This is all so very frustrating and is causing so much unnecessary anxiety


Me 43
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Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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What an ass! I wonder what OW must think-- gee, I hope our R never goes south, cuz in the event he'll probably screw me and my kid over, too?! Quite a prize she got there.

Will there be repercussions for him when his challenge proves to have no merit? Won't he just have to come up with several months back-CS all at once? Idiot.

Last edited by Andabelle; 10/22/09 03:20 PM.
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Will there be repercussions for him when his challenge proves to have no merit? Won't he just have to come up with several months back-CS all at once? Idiot


Yes he will. I'm fairly certain this is just a stalling tactic. I'm no money grabber (hence why I didn't report him when he didn't pay enough money for the kids when he first left and I had all 3 of them) BUT with the maintenance I have to pay him for S17 I have my back to the wall financially and I need to claw some of it back so that I can afford to continue to let D14 enjoy treats like S17 currently does with XH (or should I say should as I don't think any of my money is getting spent on him. I think i am paying for prams etc)


Me 43
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Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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Alison

"I wonder what OW must think" -- gee, the longer the new daddy holds out money from Alison ... the better off it will be for her and her new baby to be. He is her hero, looking out for them!

As for him denying support for the kids you share, those two lovebirds don't believe your kids are doing without. At least not because of any actions by them. Trust me. He'll let you dangle as long as you're able and if anyone is going to be made out to be the grinch - it will be you. Not letting your kids see this is your choice, and your intentions are admirable. I hope you can hang in there a little longer.

cool

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Trust me. He'll let you dangle as long as you're able and if anyone is going to be made out to be the grinch - it will be you.


W2S I agree with you 100% on this. I'm fairly certain he is doing this just to prevent himself having to pay up anytime soon.

As for me keeping this from the kids. I haven't kept it from them. They are fully aware of the situation. I've been very honest and told D14 that if he does put in a challenge and his is successful she and I will have to move to a smaller house. I also highlighted that we would be doing this to enable XH and OW to ive thier chosen lifestyle. I'm no longer shugar coating anything to do with XH. They ae all old enough to understand all that is going on and has gone before. Part of me is angry that becasue they have allowed XH to manipulate them to stay with him that I find myself in this situation but deep down I know they are only doing it b/c they know if they don't they probably would never see thier dad at all. I wouldn't want that for them.

HAd a makeover and finally got round to the photoshoot I've been promising nyslef for 3 yrs. I'm really pleased with the picutres.


Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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