Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 34 of 41 1 2 32 33 34 35 36 40 41
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
How about doing your own laundry and enough to keep your kids clothed - let her do the rest?

Anyhow, I can't believe you guys have filed for D but live in the same house. She needs her own place. How about leaving until she gets her own place?


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
No! Never leave your home. If the WAS is that miserable, they can leave. Don't ever leave your house or you may find the locks changed the next day and your stuff in the street.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
B
BigJohn Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
Hope,

Leaving my home was never an option for me. Besides the principle of the matter, I plan on holding on to this home- which I've invested many blood and tears on- for my kids. My W could care less about this place- it is as old and undesirable to her as her washed up H (me)- although I am far from looking "old" and being washed up!

I couldn't agree more with my W needing her own place. But with everything else, it appears it is going to be me that will have to get the money via refinancing for my W to do so. I have some people working on that very issue for me as we speak and so far the news is promising.

Well, looks like the warm milk is doing it's job- back to bed for me. Talk to you soon.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 216
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 216
Stuck is so right if the WAS is so miserable they should be the one to leave. My W told me the only reason she has not left is bc of the kids and finances so I asked her if she needs me for a paycheck and she said no. HUH??am I missing something here? The WAW mentality. I told her again she is free to leave. Last night she had the audacity to ask me to take a vacation day on Sunday so that she can get away for 4 days to her hometown that her parents bought a plane ticket for her to go I said no I will make daycare arrangements so I got my parents to watch them when I work on sunday. She says she has to get away. Oh is me that she has it so bad with me now and throughoiut the years I am so ready to file and drop it on her and move on.


M:35
W:36
M:10 yrs
T:11.5 yrs
C: B7, G3
ED: 3/09
DB: 3/20/09
Served 12-8-09
Still going through the process
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 827
Quote:
I couldn't agree more with my W needing her own place. But with everything else, it appears it is going to be me that will have to get the money via refinancing for my W to do so. I have some people working on that very issue for me as we speak and so far the news is promising.


I don't know how you do it BJ, I am getting more and more anxious being at home these last few days, as WAW conducts herself as a single woman in the home that I have financed.

I have been reading your updates and Jman's, and find it interesting that WAW's think we do nothing around the home, or to help with the family. I started looking objectively at it lately, and I just don't see it. I felt guilty for not being around enough to help, but then I started compiling a list in my mind, of things I am responsible for and do in the home, and care for it, and vehicles, etc, etc. I don't discount what my WAW does for the family, but to say the list looks lopsided would be an understatment.

Ironically though, now that she thinks of herself as 'single' she spends more time cleaning up the house, and while I was away had people or persons over to the house for dinner/party or something.

Anyways, I think your WAW's are 'cake eating' a bit, as I believe mine is by stalling, and or not leaving, but how can you force them out? So far as I know you can't.

I am taking the initiative by leaving myself, but making her responsible for the household bills, but who knows how that will work out, but it's a decision based on what I feel is best for me, not what WAW is doing, and I think you guys are doing the same, although I need to catchup on JMans sitch..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
B
BigJohn Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
Originally Posted By: iwantittowork
I have been reading your updates and Jman's, and find it interesting that WAW's think we do nothing around the home, or to help with the family. I started looking objectively at it lately, and I just don't see it. I felt guilty for not being around enough to help, but then I started compiling a list in my mind, of things I am responsible for and do in the home, and care for it, and vehicles, etc, etc. I don't discount what my WAW does for the family, but to say the list looks lopsided would be an understatment.


IWITW,

You hit the nail on the head here. I am very big on personal accountability and have done the exact same thing you have as noted above and I came to the same conclusion. You should have seen the TMs I was getting from my W following mediation- wacky stuff about never doing ANYTHING for my family, I am a "narcissist", blah blah blah. It just couldn't be further from the truth. As I have mentioned in previous posts, my W has had to put in tremendous effort to demonize me to justify her A while at the same time make OM look like The Perfect Man. I think I have tried everything to win my W back, she hasn't changed a bit, is completely emotionally detached from me at this point and as such is acting completely heartless about the screw job she is perpetrating on me and the kids. Now that I have detached from her, I've gained a new perspective and have seen where this person has really taken advantage of me in many ways over the years. The fact that she has the gall to be complaining about what few things I haven't done consistently in the recent past (even she admits that she can count them all on one hand)as a basis for her A and the D just underscores the fact that she has no idea how good she has had it or the kind of guy she has for a H.

So now I'm done with her and her $h*tty attitude. I'll try to protect the kids and survive financially as best I can without her. She can go chase that POS OM half way around the globe for all I care. I happen to be an outstanding catch and I'm not saying that to brag or as a pump up. There are a lot of women who would love to have a guy like me and once I'm done grieving the loss of my M and stabilize mine and my kids sitch, I'm going to explore other opportunities with quality women.

My point is, there is a silver lining to our sitchs guys. Either your M is going to survive the sitch and you and your W are going to come out of it with a stronger, better M or you are not. If the M doesn't survive, other better opportunities will present themselves in the future. Sometimes crap like this happens for a reason and it isn't always the worst thing that could happen to you. I'm looking at my sitch right now and thinking to myself that fortunately I'm still a relatively young man (41) who still has time to rebuild and recover emotionally and financially from a D. What if my W had pulled this $h*t when I was 60? This is the benefit of detaching- it helps you see the big picture much more clearly.

Got to run. Have a good day and I'll talk to you guys later.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
I don't see how your wives can see themselves as single when they are living under the same roofs as you guys. That galls me. Especially when I am sitting in an empty house, wishing I had my H back to share it with through thick and thin as we vowed.

They absolutely are not single if they are living in the same house as you, or not D. I know you are here because you want to save your marriages, but why not fight it in court for them to have to get a job to be able to afford their independent lives?

It just upsets me to much to see women cake eating like this off of good men who are trying to hold their marriages together. If they want out, they need to take the steps to do so - get their own places and finance it themselves. Grrrr!


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
I think it was sandi who once told me that the thoughts of the WAS are such that they are "checked out" emotionally and mentally, if not physically.

Rather than thinking about what and how they are going to react or think, the LBS has to see what to do in the current conditions.

Many of them really don't consider themselves as cake eating. They just doing what is best for themselves. Kind of like a teenager sponging off their parents.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
I'm sorry, but that I simply did not tolerate that. When she said she wanted him, it was good bye, sianara, make sure the door hits you in the arse on the way out. If I hadn't, lord knows where my sanity would reside today. crazy


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
B
BigJohn Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 444
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
I don't see how your wives can see themselves as single when they are living under the same roofs as you guys. That galls me. Especially when I am sitting in an empty house, wishing I had my H back to share it with through thick and thin as we vowed.


This is something that pi$$es me off too. It's easy to be a fair weather spouse but as soon as we hit our first "rough patch"- like all Ms are bound to do- my W decides it's time to trade me in like an old used car for rotten b*$tard OM. So much for my W having my back through good times and bad. I'm pretty sure I can do better- a lot better.

Quote:
They absolutely are not single if they are living in the same house as you, or not D. I know you are here because you want to save your marriages, but why not fight it in court for them to have to get a job to be able to afford their independent lives?


Hear in California, the Court can and will absolutely compel your spouse to obtain full-time employment to support themselves. This is heartening for men in similar situations to my own in that my W will not be sitting on her a$$ eating bonbons living off of obscene alimony payments while I slave away for the rest of my life. Along with the child custody situation, this was another rude surprise for my W who originally envisioned I'd get an East Coast Style screw job in the courts here. Turns out that in California equal rights for men is a good thing. smile


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________
Page 34 of 41 1 2 32 33 34 35 36 40 41

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard