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Hi Hope, I recommend "Love Must Be Tough" and it is not geared for one particular gender. I think that women & men alike should read this. As I recall, some people in the so-called Christian communities were shocked at what Dr. Dobson was saying b/c they had been taught that as a Christian they should continue to live with the S, put up with whatever treatment the S dished out, etc. They were taught that that was "unconditional love". Dr. Dobson did an excellent job at explaining what kind of love is needed.....and necessary in certain cases. I think you would enjoy it.



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Thanks, friends. I found an online series of quick articles by the same author - probably outlining the ideas in his book. Might want to give them a read - I found them quite helpful and in line wiht DB principals
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/love_must_be_tough.aspx


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
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Hey BJ,
Is your wife still wearing her wedding rings? IdK being that we r in seperate rooms if I should take them from her and tell her she needs to earn them back?


M:35
W:36
M:10 yrs
T:11.5 yrs
C: B7, G3
ED: 3/09
DB: 3/20/09
Served 12-8-09
Still going through the process
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Originally Posted By: Jman
Hey BJ,
Is your wife still wearing her wedding rings? IdK being that we r in seperate rooms if I should take them from her and tell her she needs to earn them back?


Jman,

Good to hear from you. Funny you should ask about my W's ring- she actually stopped wearing it right after mediation last week. BTW, just got a copy of the mediator's report from my L- the recommendation is 50/50 joint legal and physical custody, so very pleased about that. Got to run for now. How are you doing?


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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That is great to hear about your sit. You sound excited by the way u posted and it is to be expected. This is another item that your W thought she would hurt u with and it has worked in ur favor. Keep the faith Brother.
Well my sit has not changed either way I am using the Love must be tough principles on the W. She still is acting like nothing is her fault even though she admitted to cheating on me. I spoke with my IC the other day and it was good to get some things off my chest to her. Just like Sandi mentioned in the earlier posts it is just crazy and frustrating the WAW mentality. So I just continue to focus on the kids and myself. I want to tell her parents so bad but I know there will be no good to come out of it so here I am just waiting. Things are not uncomfortable while the kids are awake but once they go to bed she turns into someone else just trying to avoid me like the plague. Oh well her loss. I am working out and eating healthy. I am down to my lowest weight since high school and everyone is noticing and giving me kudos for the way I look but bottom line I love myself and continue to work on trying to get the abs I never had. Just a small goal of mine is all.

Until next time


M:35
W:36
M:10 yrs
T:11.5 yrs
C: B7, G3
ED: 3/09
DB: 3/20/09
Served 12-8-09
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Hey BJ, and anyone else that is around, sorry to threadjack, but I need help if you can provide it.

I am going to mediation tomorrow, and it's clear I don't have the tough love 'gene' so to speak.

Can you stop by my thread and offer advice on where to hold the line, and where to budge on things? I would really appreciate your insights, as you are ahead of where I am at currently..


M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

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Sorry to sneak in on your BJ post, but what are your specific R goals these next few weeks? Will taking her rings from her and telling her she needs to earn them back contribute to those goals?

Just wondering Jman....

:)Laurie


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Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
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Originally Posted By: BigJohn
BTW, just got a copy of the mediator's report from my L- the recommendation is 50/50 joint legal and physical custody, so very pleased about that. Got to run for now. How are you doing?


REally happy for you and your kids, BJ. I know this must be a huge relief and very well deserved. How is the W taking it?


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Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
Originally Posted By: BigJohn
BTW, just got a copy of the mediator's report from my L- the recommendation is 50/50 joint legal and physical custody, so very pleased about that. Got to run for now. How are you doing?


REally happy for you and your kids, BJ. I know this must be a huge relief and very well deserved. How is the W taking it?


Hope,

My W did not take it well at first- she said several very nasty things to me, told me I would fail, kids would be miserable etc. but things have settled down a little bit since then. I don't know at this point if she will try to challenge the mediator's recommendation or not- I would hope not.

So, for the moment, I am relieved and feel that it makes the most sense for our kids. My W does not understand my feelings about the physical custody issue with the kids and may never- or at least not for a while. That is OK- I'm a survivor of D as a kid, she is not, and I understand the importance of having both parents sharing co-parenting duties.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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I'm really happy for you and for your kids. And yes, she does not understand your feelings. FOr now. This too shall pass. Stay positive - you got the best answer you could have from the courts and she can just go have a tantrum about it - but it won't change. She has her own reasons for wanting more custody and she may be hurting too - not a good position for her to see things through your eyes. Give her space to process her feelings on her own and see if she can't come around to seeing from another perspective later down the line. Hang in there!


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
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