Update H said he's been "burnt out" and knowing that this contributes to his screaming addiction, I told him last night that he could have whatever space he wanted this weekend, andI'll have S5 the rest of the time. What else can I do? I don't want to resist the sep. I want to show him that I'm fine without him and not pressure him. Also, I fear more outbursts, so I'm letting him make his own choices so he can't blame me. The problem is that he is trying so hard to avoid me. It hurts .He's constantly on the phone/web contraption, and says "I'll take S5 so you can go do other stuff. Well I don't want to do other stuff. I want my S to have "family time". But I am not going to pressure him to be with me if he isn't interested.
This is my 180 = from even a few weeks ago where I took every chance possible to be together as a "family." I am detaching more.
It's still hard, but I'm doing better. It hurts to have him always on the phone thing, not talking to me, or gone from the house. I know one reason he is "so stressed" is that he is a workaholic to avoid looking at the situation we're in!~!!
anyhow, trying to just not pressure him. It still hurts to see that when I pull back, he just doesn't notice or care. Maybe in months he will. Gosh I hope I can stand it.
H told me he would be here at 1:15 - it's 1:40 now and no sign of him. It's really rude. I know if I bring it up, it will start a fight, but it's becoming a pattern. Anyone have advice?
I also know he is looking for new apts - why? When I wish so badly he was moving back here....
H home. Me and my damn honesty - I told him I lost my phone - shoulodnt have. Ended up finding it under my bed.
In the mean time, got a whole lecture about this is why we need to have separate accounts because they are on his account and if anything happens it's on his shoulders, he's so responsible and I'm so irresponsible, etc.
I started to defend and explain myself. Instead I just said I'm willing to have a separate account if that makes it easier for him. Then more lectures on even setting up separate accounts is a pain for him and an invasion of his precious time. I said we all have to put up with things we'd rather not from others. And I SHUT UP AND WALKED AWAY.
Should have done that sooner, but hey at least I did it. And, I found my phone.
Hopefully next time I will just not say a word.
But progress - I didn't stand their and argue (too much).
I realize what comes out as criticisms from his mouth is him stressed out and worried about the house, the phones, the cars, etc that are financially more on his back than mine.
However, then he's spending money moving into a bigger apt., spending money on lawyers, etc...those are his choices. If he's so worried about his precious time and money - no, it's just anything that has to do with me that causes him time or money that he's against.
H4L I probably made my ex feel this way sometimes as well. Not the extent you are saying but I did make that mistake of bringing those things up to her and the reaction was that we were just not right for each other. Usually people that are so called very responsible use to give them order for themselves and in to a large degree validates their self worth. See I am responsible so I am good!! sort of thinking. I am not sure if you need to change but more of handle it differently so it does not become a recurring issue with you and your H. If it is an issue don't discuss it just do it and if he comments on that is not how he would have done it. Just tell him your right and I am working handling things for myself and it is helping doing it myself. Truth is I am not the best source for advice. I messed up a lost the best person I could have ever had. So take what I say with a grain of salt.
Just remember your H is not rational right now..He is not making sense...Just like you said yourself you need to detach, detach, detach...Have you picked up that book Love must be tough? It really helps I have read the whole book and am reading it again.. Change and do things that you will be happy with yourself don't change in order for him or else you will resent him for it down the road..You should do the work to get your own cell phone acct, show yourself that you can do it..do things for yourself!!! I am not trying to come across mean or anything I know it can be difficult but it is necessary...
M:35 W:36 M:10 yrs T:11.5 yrs C: B7, G3 ED: 3/09 DB: 3/20/09 Served 12-8-09 Still going through the process
