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#1844582 09/25/09 02:31 AM
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To dream ... the impossible dream
To fight the ... unbeatable foe
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow
To run ... where the brave dare not go
To right ... the unrightable wrong
To love ... pure and chaste from afar
To try ... when your arms are too weary
To reach ... the unreachable star

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,843
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sleeper Offline OP
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OK so I'm not "chaste" but rest fits.

DD had a school function tonight so X and I had some contact (OMH is out of town). I picked up both kids and took them to meet X at her business.

To make a long story short there were many unattached mothers of school age children at the event. X went into overdrive with her, "why don't you ask that one out, she's cute, she has only one child," comments ad nauseum. I eventually told her to get a new hobby.

It was all I could do to not say, because I'm in love with you, you are my soulmate, the mother of my children. I will never marry again, true love only comes along once in a lifetime and you were mine, etc. We were getting along wonderfully, joking, talking and she invited me to dinner with her and the kids (I declined).

I don't understand why all of the sudden she is determined to see me seriously involved with someone else, or is she? She asked at one point if I am in love with Ladyfriend to which I honestly replied, "no".

I was later tempted to send her a message telling her how I feel and the reason I don't want to date anyone she attempts to fix me up with.

I havent.

Last edited by sleeper; 09/25/09 03:03 AM.

"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 286
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Sleeper -- Dont do it...SHE KNOWS......and she has u eating out of the palm of her hand......

I am not saying be rude or even to change anything else.....as I guess I would have backed off a bit ....but who is to say....dont go chasing her down though...it has to be obvious u love her....

now about lady friend....so you know you dont love her??? that has me curious...just from a mans perspective....so for a man you will stay with someone that you dont love??? not sure if you are still together or at what point you knew she wasnt it???? Do you know why you dont love her?? or is it all about chemistry or is there something about her core person that just donest match up.....just curious...

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or is it just the obvious u love your wife so she isnt it....or do u think u could love someone else if they were a match and still love your wife?

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I was/am attracted to Ladyfriend and I do love her but I am not in love with her. We have a great time when we are together but there are times when I want to be alone. I don't ever remember it being like that with X. There was something deeper between X amd me, and I don't think she and OMH have what we had. X and I clicked from the beginning, the first date. It was deep it was real it was right. Now that the anger stage has passed it is still there. We're still connected. We understand one another.

I wnat my family back and I know she misses our family being together. She mentioned this to the C back when we were seeing him jointly. While separated she mentioned we didn't have to stop "being a family" and last night she invited me to dinner with her and the kids. I guess that's why I declined as badly as I wanted to go. I didn't want to provided a substitution for what should actually be.

Right now I can't see myself loving anyone the way I loved X. Hate to sound sappy but it was a once in a lifetime (if you're that lucky) thing. I'll never marry anyone unless it is her.

So from a woman's perspective, why is she suddenly so interested in me dating?


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Oct 2008
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Originally Posted By: sleeper
To make a long story short there were many unattached mothers of school age children at the event. X went into overdrive with her, "why don't you ask that one out, she's cute, she has only one child," comments ad nauseum. I eventually told her to get a new hobby.


I like your response!

Quote:
she invited me to dinner with her and the kids (I declined).


I like this one even more.

Quote:
I don't understand why all of the sudden she is determined to see me seriously involved with someone else, or is she?


We can only guess, so it won't do any good to dwell on this. My guess would be to relieve her of guilt.

Quote:
I was later tempted to send her a message telling her how I feel and the reason I don't want to date anyone she attempts to fix me up with.

I havent.


Good man for resisting that temptation....Don't do it. Just as Grace said, she knows.

I feel distance would put you in a much healthier position and that it would also allow her to finally "feel" the reality of her choices. Even though it upsets her and all you hear is how "passive aggressive" you are, it is what is needed for both of you.



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Quote:
I don't understand why all of the sudden she is determined to see me seriously involved with someone else, or is she?


You know better than we do, I think your second guessing what you understand. I could give you my hunches as a female, but that wouldn't necessisarily be your xw's motives.

Ed Aames huh?

Quote:
She asked at one point if I am in love with Ladyfriend to which I honestly replied, "no".


I saw your last post where you said you loved her but weren't in love with her. All I can say here is IMO you shouldn't be dating. LF is probably looking for an R and you are not available. I get being loney, but if you're not available and ready you aren't playing fair. Stop it.

Quote:
I was later tempted to send her a message telling her how I feel and the reason I don't want to date anyone she attempts to fix me up with.


I wouldn't tell her. It might help you though to write it down in a letter and release it all at the end. Don't know. Have you ever done a letter of release?

HUGS

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Quote:
You know this better than we do, I think your second guessing what you understand.


It's a very new behavior for her, of course she is very newly married. All through the separation she DIDN'T want me to date. Then she became very upset when I did begin to date 7 months after our divorce.

I think there is an element of guilt involved. If I'm all hooked up and happy with someone else she doesn't have to feel badly about what she did. Two things C said (which along with $2.89 will get you a cup of coffee):

1. It's going to be ok. X has a conscience.
2. In answer to my question of should I date; "No, not if you want your M back."

At the risk of over analysis (which it is) I mentioned to C at times it seemed as though X was punishing me and at times it seemed as thoughs she was testing me. He agreed.

So tell me Grace, What are your hunches?

After all it is what is is and will be what it will be.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,843
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sleeper Offline OP
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Quote:
...I think you're second guessing what you understand.


Game over.

She got what she wanted (a divorce from me and marriage to OM).

Me happily married to someone would make things complete, relieve any guilt she might feel and remove me as a source of jealousy/threat to her R with OMH.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
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Sleeper,
Hmm. I read that many affairs begin with one person "helping" the other with their love life. As friends.

So guilt...maybe. Maybe kinda secretly wishing she was the one. Maybe.

OMH is not gonna be too happy if he finds out she has been out with you.

I think it's good that you declined. I think it's good that you are telling her to get a new hobby.

I think it's curious that she is wanting to set you up.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

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