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BJ, have you been going out yourself showing her you have a life? You don't have to tell her where you're going or what you're doing, but maybe just to show that you are a catch.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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BigJohn Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: stuck808
BJ, have you been going out yourself showing her you have a life? You don't have to tell her where you're going or what you're doing, but maybe just to show that you are a catch.


Hey Stuck,

I've gone out with the guys on occasion along with doing things with the kids. Also regularly going to the gym. I'm on a pretty tight budget right now so I'm pretty limited in terms of GAL.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Hi BJ, just checking in to see how you are doing. Man, it's a good thing you don't do everything I suggest or I'd have you pouding your W into the ground! Or....could you tell that I was getting a little put out with her treatment of you? I am glad you are a man of honor and rise above her faults and continue to conduct yourself with dignity. The world doesn't see near enough of that anymore. You can be proud of how you carried yourself throughout this ordeal.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
Hi BJ, just checking in to see how you are doing. Man, it's a good thing you don't do everything I suggest or I'd have you pouding your W into the ground! Or....could you tell that I was getting a little put out with her treatment of you? I am glad you are a man of honor and rise above her faults and continue to conduct yourself with dignity. The world doesn't see near enough of that anymore. You can be proud of how you carried yourself throughout this ordeal.


Sandi,

Thanks for checking in. Yes, I could tell by your posts that my W's antics were getting under even your skin. That's pretty bad!

Well, I'm doing good. I think I'm really finally to the point where I have almost completely detached- or is it resignation(?)- thanks to my W's ongoing campaign of BS. I'm for sure really DONE being treated this way and I may just be completely done with my W- at least for now absent a miracle. It's just too much.

As to my conduct throughout the sitch, all I can say is that my W could never expect anything less from her H. Too bad she is choosing at the moment to build me up in her head as some defective personality, sociopath, bad person or whatever else she can think of to justify her treatment of me and D'ing me.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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If she's anything like my XW, I'm sure much of your wife's rationale is due to the fact that there's a conflict between her selfish urges and repressing the adult. Anytime someone can't reconcile "unacceptable behavior" with what they know is acceptable and mature....they flip out. It's almost a stage they go through when they start to realize that maybe they are making very bad choices and hurting alot of people, even though they may have been neglected in the past.

They just can't face it all at once and must look at themselves in small doses. It takes time, lots of time. No one wants think they are a horrible person., even if they are a "bull in a china shop" that once was a marriage.

Once they actually do wake up and realize how damaging thier behavior was, it could be too late. My XW is just now at this point. I see her lurking around the edges of my new life. Talking to my mutal friends and trying to stick herself out there for me to see. Not knowing what's going on with my life is driving her nuts. These are the effects of dropping the rope. I only wish it was possible to do this before the divorce so she could have trully seen what it would be like without me and that there are very few men like me out there.


Formerly SGfan
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M:8 yrs
T:10 yrs
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Originally Posted By: Sgfan
If she's anything like my XW, I'm sure much of your wife's rationale is due to the fact that there's a conflict between her selfish urges and repressing the adult. Anytime someone can't reconcile "unacceptable behavior" with what they know is acceptable and mature....they flip out. It's almost a stage they go through when they start to realize that maybe they are making very bad choices and hurting alot of people, even though they may have been neglected in the past.


SG,

Interesting point. I definitely think that my W is doing something in this regard to bolster her decision to push forward with D'ing me. I would have to suspect that some of her friends and/or family members are also "helping" her reconcile her current perspective and behavior as well but to what degree I don't know.

Quote:
Once they actually do wake up and realize how damaging thier behavior was, it could be too late. My XW is just now at this point. I see her lurking around the edges of my new life. Talking to my mutal friends and trying to stick herself out there for me to see. Not knowing what's going on with my life is driving her nuts. These are the effects of dropping the rope. I only wish it was possible to do this before the divorce so she could have trully seen what it would be like without me and that there are very few men like me out there.


I see my sitch heading in the same direction. I understand now that whatever is going on with my W and her current thinking about me and our MR is going to take a LONG time to resolve itself. I think a lot has to do with de-programming- I think that in many respects my W has really self-brainwashed herself- about the OM, about me, about us and our MR. Outside of professional help, I don't believe that there is anything that I can do for my W at this stage. All I can do now is look out for my kids and I and let my W experience the consequences of her actions.


M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
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Originally Posted By: BigJohn
, I don't believe that there is anything that I can do for my W at this stage.


No there isn't other than letting her go and get a taste of the life she thinks she wants to have.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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Originally Posted By: dday101798

No there isn't other than letting her go and get a taste of the life she thinks she wants to have.


I totally aggree with this. You know the saying about being careful of what you ask for...you might just get it? My XW is finally getting it. Something I just could not give her before the divorce. At this point, I'm already dating someone new, casually mind you. I kow that if the XW knew this she would be very hurt. It's funny, XW left me but she's insanely jealous. Ahhh the cake-eating!


Formerly SGfan
M:38
W:33
M:8 yrs
T:10 yrs
Bomb: Dec '08
Separated: 4/18/09
Divorce: 8/28/09
XW Affair began: April 08
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Originally Posted By: Sgfan
. I know that if the XW knew this she would be very hurt. It's funny, XW left me but she's insanely jealous. Ahhh the cake-eating!


Ohhh, she'll be furious and all the sudden want to be your bestest friend in the world, I guarentee it. crazy


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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Sgfan,
Did u file the divorce or did she push it through?


M:35
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C: B7, G3
ED: 3/09
DB: 3/20/09
Served 12-8-09
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